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 »  Home  »  Croatian Language  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
 »  Home  »  Culture And Arts  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
By Miro Gavran | Published  11/16/2007 | Croatian Language , Culture And Arts | Unrated
Act 8

8. (muzej)
(Nina, Boris)

(Boris je u muzeju, dolazi Nina.)

BORIS: Kasniš.

NINA: Oprosti.

BORIS: Zašto si željela da se nađemo ovdje? I to hitno?

NINA: Željela sam da popričamo, da se vidimo, da razgovaramo.

BORIS: Mrzim ovo mjesto... od onoga dana kada smo prekinuli... ne volim se toga ni sjetiti.

NINA: Ali, ovdje smo i počeli - naš prvi izlazak. Ovo je i mjesto našeg početka.

BORIS: Svejedno... snažnije mi je u sjećanju ostao onaj nesretni prekid nego početak. Jednostavno, volio bih otići negdje drugdje.

NINA: Platili smo karte, danas nije ponedjeljak.

BORIS: Šteta, baš šteta.

NINA: Što si tako nervozan. Opusti se.

BORIS: Loše sam sanjao. Strašno loše sam sanjao.

NINA: Samo mi nemoj prepričavati snove i filmove.

BORIS: Ma nije za pričati!

NINA: Svejedno mi kaži.
(Šutnja.)

BORIS: Eto... sanjao sam kako imam deset godina i kako sam kod bake na selu... a tamo je naš susjed imao predivnu trešnju, a nama djeci nije dao da je beremo... i tako ja po noći odem potajice na tu trešnju, popnem se do krošnje, rukom dohvatim dvije trešnje i baš kad sam prinio trešnje do usta... do mene zagrmi glas vlasnika one trešnje: "Tu si lopove!"... kako on to povika ja od straha padoh na zemlju. A dok sam padao grane su mi strgale kratke hlače i gaće, i ostale mi na drveću. I ja odjednom pred tim susjedom gol golcat, a on povika: "Pogledajte ovog golog lopova", a odjednom se tu stvori cijelo selo, čak i jedna djevojčica koja mi se sviđala, susjed još jednom reče pogledajte ovog jadnog golog lopova, a svi prasnuše u smijeh, tako da sam mislio da ću u zemlju propasti od nelagode. Od srama sam zavrištao. Vrištao sam sve jače i jače, dok se nisam probudio u znoju uz krik... To mi je i ženu probudilo.
(Nina nervozno gleda na sat.)

NINA: I to je tebi loš san.

BORIS: Noćna mora.

NINA: Čekaj - to je bilo, ili si to samo sanjao?

BORIS: Kako misliš?

NINA: Da li ti se to doista dogodilo u životu, ili je sve izmišljeno?

BORIS: Čuj - moj susjed je stvaran, i stvarno je to da sam kod bake išao na selo svako ljeto, ali se na njegovu trešnju nikada nisam usudio popeti... bio je to opak čovjek.

NINA: To onda nije stvaran san. To je tek obična tlapnja.

BORIS: Kako nije stvaran - bilo je grozno užasno.

NINA: Ali to ti se nije dogodilo u stvarnosti.

BORIS: Snovi su uvijek kombinacija realnog i irealnog - na tvrdom temelju, nešto fluidno... ali moguće.

NINA: Ma, dobro, ne moraš se zbog toga uzbuđivati. Nije to ništa.

BORIS: Vraga ništa. Kad bi samo znala kako mi je bilo neugodno - onako gol i osramoćen.

NINA: Ali to je bilo u snu.
BORIS: Dok sam spavao, nisam znao da je to san.
(Šutnja.)

BORIS: I, o čemu si htjela razgovarati.
NINA: Htjela sam te nešto pitati.

BORIS: Pa pitaj me.
(Nina nervozno pogleda na sat.)

NINA: Pitat ću te... samo polako, znaš da nijedan razgovor na svijetu ne kreće s glavnom temom.

BORIS: Tako su i nas učili u trgovačkoj školi.

NINA: Nikada nište ne treba forsirati. Prave stvari se kažu u trenutku kada...
(U tom trenutku u muzej ulazi Mia. Boris se poželi sakriti, zaprepašten njezinom pojavom, okreće se na drugu stranu.)

MIA: A, tu si dakle?

BORIS: Otkud... otkud ti ovdje?

MIA: A ti... otkud ti ovdje?

BORIS: Pa evo izišao sam s mojom poslovnom partnericom na izložbu, ona je ljubitelj likovne umjetnosti, upravo dogovaram prodaju za njihov ured, i...

MIA: Srami se, gade! Cijeli život sam ti vjerna i ti ovako, s ovom fuficom.

NINA: Gospođo, oprostite, ja ne znam ni tko ste vi ni zašto me prekidate u razgovoru s ovim gospodinom.

MIA: Šuti mala kurvice - ja sam zakonita žena ovog ovdje jadnika, i saznala sam iz povjerljivih izvora da mi nabijate rogove već pet i pol godina i najradije bih ga zaklala tupim nožem.

BORIS: Mia, molim te, dušo, molim te, ja ću ti sve objasniti, ja nisam želio, to se dogodilo bez moje volje, ona me je zavela, ona je puzila za mnom, ona ima rak... rekla mi je da ima rak, tada, prvi put kad me je odvukla u krevet, rekla je da umire i da joj je posljednja želja da spava sa mnom, ja je nisam mogao odbiti, posljednja želja se ne može nikome uskratiti, ne bi bilo humano, samo zato sam popustio... a prije toga sam joj dao do znanja da volim i tebe i našu djecu i da joj tu uslugu činim samo zato što je na samrti, eto to je tako bilo, na njen nagovor, bez moje volje.

MIA: I veliš: bila je na samrti.

BORIS: Da. Sto od sto.

MIA: Ta vaša prva ševa, to je bilo prije pet i pol godina. Da je bila na samrti, sad bi već bila mrtva.

BORIS: Izumili su lijek a i vodio sam je kod najboljih travara, kombinirali smo kemoterapiju i zračenje, i onda...

MIA: Boris!!!

BORIS: Reci.

MIA: Prestani!

BORIS: U redu, prestat ću, samo se nemoj ljutiti.

MIA: Slušaj i ne prekidaj me.

BORIS: Evo, slušam, slušam.

MIA: Znam sve o tebi i ovoj ovdje kurvetini, baš sve. Među nama je gotovo. Ne želim te nikada više vidjeti, nikada! I ne želim više niti jednu noć provesti pod istim krovom s tobom. Je li jasno?

BORIS: Jasno!

MIA: A sad zbogom.
(Mia krene prema izlazu.)

BORIS: Čekaj!
(Mia zastane.)

MIA: Što je?

BORIS: A kud ću ja?

MIA: Kud god znaš.

BORIS: Morat ću kod mame.

MIA: To je tvoja stvar. Zbogom!

BORIS: Čekaj!

MIA: Što je sad opet!

BORIS: Sutra nam dolazi generalni u obilazak našeg odjela... trebat će mi izglačana košulja, novi sako i kravata.

MIA: Čovječe... ne želim te više vidjeti u životu... pošalji mamu ili nekoga od prijatelja, tvoja odjeća će biti večeras u velikim kutijama pred vratima. Košulju si glačaj sam.

BORIS (Okrene se Nini): Užas, grozno, to je smak svijeta. Ti si kriva za sve. Odvojila si me od žene, od djece, od obitelji... ja sam osramoćen... i to samo zato što si inzistirala da se nađemo ovdje u ovom glupom muzeju, ti si me zavela, ti si me uništila.

NINA: Boris!

BORIS: Kaži!

NINA: Marš, smeće pokvareno bezobrazno!
(Šutnja.)

BORIS: Ali...

NINA: Nosi mi se s očiju, da te više nikada ne vidim. Gadiš mi se.

MIA: I meni. Nestani!

BORIS: I to mi je hvala poslije svega... ali neka, idem ja do mame... e da sam nju slušao...
(Boris pođe prema izlazu. Zastane. Okrene se prema publici i kaže svoj oproštajni monolog.)

BORIS: Evo što se dogodi čovjeku koji želi svima udovoljiti, čovjeku koji želi da svi budu sretni oko njega. Na kraju takav čovjek strada, gotovo bez svoje krivnje. Ja koji sam usrećivao druge, sada sam trajno unesrećen. Kako da mami iziđem pred oči? Što da joj kažem? Kako da joj objasnim da je život s mojom ženom postao toliko nemoguć da sam morao isploviti iz bračne luke. Užas! Vjerujem da ste svi čuli za "žensku kuću" - tajno skrovište gdje se sklanjaju žene pred nasilnim muževima. Kad bi bar postojala "muška kuća" kao utočište za nas prognane i odbačene muževe. Pisat ću vladi. Pisat ću ministrici za socijalnu skrb i međugeneracijsku solidarnost... A sad zbogom svjedoci moje nesreće.
(Boris ode sa scene. Žene su same.)

MIA: Napokon, i to smo riješile.

NINA: Bio je tako zbunjen, uplašen. "Ona ima rak - bila je na samrti". Stvarno se uplašio kao nikada nitko prije njega.

MIA: Tako mi je drago da je sve gotovo, i da i ti i ja i Boris počinjemo živjeti bez laži, bez obmana. Naši životi počinju ispočetka, na temeljima istine i iskrenosti. Hvala ti Nina na svemu, bila si odlična glumica. A sad idem - moram spakirati njegove stvari, napokon ću mjesec dana proživjeti bez maltretiranja.
(Mia pođe prema izlazu.)

NINA: Čekajte! Još nije sve gotovo.
(Mia zastane.)

MIA: Kako nije?!

NINA: Trebamo još nas dvije o svemu popričati.

MIA: Nas dvije - nakon svega?

NINA: Da, nas dvije. Želim porazgovarati s vama kao psiholog koji radi u bračnom savjetovalištu, želim i vama pomoći. Znam da vam je potrebna pomoć. Prijateljska riječ u pravom trenutku.

MIA: Ti želiš meni pomoći?! Zašto? U čemu?

NINA: Kako je Pegaz?

MIA: Koji Pegaz?! Misliš na moga konja?

NINA: Da, mislim na vašeg konja.

MIA: Dobro je, dobro.

NINA: A učitelj jahanja? Kako je vaš učitelj jahanja? Pegazov timaritelj.

MIA: Što želiš reći? Ja ništa... ovaj... mi ništa nismo... mi smo samo onako u trenutcima dosade, ali razgovor nije grijeh, običan razgovo dva bića koja žele nešto reći jedno drugome, jer su željni iskrene tople riječi...

NINA: Mia, moja sestrična radi kao konobarica u kafiću na hipodromu. Sve znam. Znam u kojim ste relacijama s učiteljem jahanja, i znam zašto svake subote trčite na hipodrom. Pegaz je samo paravan. Kao i vaše prijateljice. A u jahanju znam da istinski uživate. Mnogo češće nego jednom mjesečno.

MIA: Ja doista ništa nemam s njim, to je prijateljski... to je intelektualna bliskost, platonska ljubav... Otkud tebi pravo da se petljaš u moj privatni život, ti si bivša ljubavnica moga muža i zašto bih ja tebi polagala račune, ja sam...

NINA: Mia, niste mi dužni polagati račune, i nemam vas namjeru ucjenjivati, kao što ste vi mene ucjenjivali. Želim vam reći tek jedan mali savjet kao psiholog iz bračnog savjetovališta... Ako mi dopustite rekla bih vam ga.
(Šutnja.)

MIA: Reci.

NINA: Bili ste u pravu kada ste rekli da je najljepše život započeti na istini bez laži i obmana, i zato vam savjetujem da tu priču s Pegazovim timariteljem što prije okončate. To je preduvjet da vam se povrati mir, ravnoteža, sreća... Vjerujte mi, imam iskustva.

MIA: Znam, ali... nije lako. Prvi put da imam nekoga s kime sam tako bliska, nekoga tko me razumije, nekoga tko me obasiplje pažnjom i nježnošću. Nije lako s takvim čovjekom prekinuti. Da bar ima neku manu.

NINA: Znam da nije lako, ali ne dopustite da to predugo traje.

MIA: Neću.

NINA: A sad zbogom.

MIA: Zbogom!
(Mia pođe prema izlazu.)

NINA: Mia!
(Mia zastane.)

MIA: Reci.

NINA: Drago mi je da sam vas upoznala.

MIA: I meni je drago da sam tebe upoznala... i hvala za savjet... poslušat ću ga ali tek za mjesec dana, tada ću dopustiti mužu da mi se vrati od mame. I to na koljenima. Zbogom!

NINA: Zbogom!

- K R A J -

8. (The Museum)
(Nina, Boris)

(Boris is at the museum and Nina arrives.)

BORIS: You are late.

NINA: Sorry.

BORIS: Why did you want us to meet here? And so urgently.

NINA: I wanted us to see each other and have a talk.

BORIS: I have always hated this place... since that day when we broke up... I don't even like to think of it.

NINA: But this is where we started - our first date. This is the place where we started.

BORIS: All the same... I have deeper memories of that unhappy break-up than of the beginning. In other words, I would like it if we could go somewhere else.

NINA: We had to pay to come in, it's not a free day like Mondays.

BORIS: Yes, that's a pity.

NINA: Why are you so jumpy. Relax.

BORIS: I had a bad dream. I had a terribly bad dream.

NINA: Please don't start recounting dreams and films to me.

BORIS: It's not a dream you can talk about!

NINA: Tell me all the same.
(Silent.)

BORIS: Well... I dreamt that I was ten years old and was at my grandmother's in the country... and our neighbour there had a wonderful cherry-tree, but he would not allow us children to pick any... and so I went secretly at night to the cherry-tree, climbed up to the crown and grabbed two cherries and just as I was putting them in my mouth... I heard the thundering voice of the neighbour: "The thieves are here!"... and as he shouted I got such a fright that I fell to the ground. And as I fell the branches caught my shorts and underpants and they stayed up in the tree. And there I was suddenly, completely naked facing our neighbour, and he shouted: "Take a look at this naked thief", and all at once the whole village was there, even one little girl whom I liked, and the neighbour once again said just look at this naked thief, and everyone burst out laughing, so that I wished that the ground would swallow me up, I was so embarrassed. I started screaming out in shame. And I kept on shouting until I woke up in a sweat, screaming... My wife woke me up.
(Nina takes a nervous look at her watch.)

NINA: And you call that a bad dream.

BORIS: A nightmare.

NINA: Just a minute - did it really happen, or was it just a dream?

BORIS: What do you mean?

NINA: Did that really happen to you during your childhood, or is it all made up?

BORIS: Look - my neighbour was real, and I really did go to my grandmother's every summer, but I never dared to climb that man's cherry-tree... he was a vicious man.

NINA: Then that is not a real dream. It's just an illusion.

BORIS: What do you mean it's not real - it was really awful.

NINA: But it never actually happened to you in reality.

BORIS: Dreams are always a mixture of the real and the unreal - they have a firm basis, something fluid... but possible.

NINA: Well alright, but you don't have to get excited about it. It's nothing.

BORIS: Like hell, it's nothing. If you only knew how embarrassed I was - all naked and humiliated like that.

NINA: But it only happened in a dream.
BORIS: While I was asleep, I didn't know it was a dream.
(Silence.)

BORIS: Well then, what did you want to talk about.

NINA: I wanted to ask you something.

BORIS: Ask me then.
(Nina takes another nervous glance at her watch.)

NINA: I shall... but let's take it easy, you know that no conversations in the world start off with the main theme.

BORIS: They taught us that at commercial college.

NINA: One should never try to force anything. Real things are said at the moment when...
(At that moment Mia comes into the museum. Boris tries to hide, appalled at her arrival, turning away to the other side.)

MIA: Ah, so this is where you are?
BORIS: What... what are you doing here?

MIA: What about you... what are you doing here?

BORIS: I have come to see this exhibition with my business partner, she is a connoisseur of the visual arts, and I am negotiating sales to their office, and...

MIA: Shame on you, you bastard! I have always been faithful to you and I find you here with this slag.
NINA: Excuse me, Madame, I neither know who you are nor why you are interrupting my conversation with this gentleman.

MIA: Shut up, you little whore - I am the legal wife of this wretched creature and I found out from reliable sources that he has been cheating on me with you for five and a half years already and I would love to slit his throat with a blunt knife.

BORIS: Mia, please, my sweet, please, I can explain everything, I didn't want to, it happened without my wanting it to, she seduced me, she crawled around after me, she has cancer... she told me she had cancer, then, the first time, the first time she dragged me off into her bed, she said she was dying and that her last wish was to sleep with me, and I couldn't refuse her, you can't say no to someone's last wish, it would not be humane, and that's the only reason I gave in... but before that I let her know that I love you and our children and that I was doing her that service only because she was near death, and that it is the way it was, she talked me into it, against my will.

MIA: She was a death's door, you say?

BORIS: Yes. A hundred percent.

MIA: That first bonk of yours, that was five and a half years ago. If she had been at death's door, she would be dead by now.

BORIS: They found a cure and I took her to the best herbalists, they combined chemotherapy and radiation therapy, and then...

MIA: Boris!

BORIS: What.

MIA: Stop it!

BORIS: Alright, I'll stop, I've stopped, but please don't be angry.

MIA: Listen to me and don't interrupt.

BORIS: You see, I'm listening, I'm listening.

MIA: I know all about you and this little tart here, just everything. It's finished between us. I don't want to see you ever again, never! And I don't want to spend even one night under the same roof as you. Is that clear?

BORIS: Quite clear!

MIA: And now, goodbye.
(Mia moves towards the exit.)

BORIS: Wait!
(Mia pauses.)

MIA: What is it?

BORIS: But where will I go?

MIA: Wherever you want.

BORIS: I'll have to go to Mama's.

MIA: It's up to you. Goodbye!

BORIS: Wait!

MIA: What is it now!

BORIS: The general manager is coming tomorrow to visit our department... I'll need an ironed shirt, that new jacket and a tie.

MIA: Man... I don't want to see you again, ever... send your mother or one of your friends, your clothes will be in front of the door in large boxes this evening. And you can iron your own shirt.

BORIS (He turns to Nina): This is terrible, it's the end of the world. And it's all your fault. You have separated me from my wife, from my children, from my family... I am humiliated... and only because you insisted that we meet here in this stupid museum, you have seduced me and destroyed me.

NINA: Boris!

BORIS: What!

NINA: Get out of here, you unspeakable piece of rotten garbage!
(Silence.)

BORIS: But...

NINA: Get out of my sight, I never want to see you again. You make my stomach turn.

MIA: Mine too. Get lost!

BORIS: And that is thanks to me after everything I have... but, never mind, I'm going to Mama's... ah, if I had only listened to her...
(Boris goes towards the exit. He pauses. He turns towards the audience and utters his farewell monologue.)

BORIS: That's what happens to a man who wants to please everyone, a man who wants everyone around him to be happy. In the end, he takes the fall, through almost no fault of his own. I, who made everyone happy, shall now be the victim of a permanent calamity. How can I face my mother? What can I say? How can I explain to her that life with my wife has become so impossible that I have decided to sail out of the marital harbour. It's really awful! I suppose you have all heard of the "Women's House" - that secret shelter where women can take refuge from their violent husbands. If only there were a "Men's House" as a refuge for us outcast and discarded husbands. I'll write to the Government. I'll write to that woman who is the Minister for Social Services and Inter-generational Solidarity... And now, I bid you farewell, dear witnesses to my misfortune.
(Boris exists from the scene. The women are left alone.)

MIA: Finally, we have solved that problem, too.

NINA: He was so confused and frightened. "She has cancer - she was at death's door". He was really scared. I have never seen anyone so scared.

MIA: I am so pleased that it is all over, and that you and Boris and I can start living without lies and without deception. Our lives are starting over, based on the truth and sincerity. Thank you, Nina, for everything. You were a great actress. And now I'll be off - I have to pack his things, and finally I will be able to live for a whole month without harassment.
(Mia goes towards the exit.)

NINA: Wait! It's not all over.
(Mia pauses.)

MIA: What do you mean?

NINA: The two of us still need to talk things over.

MIA: The two of us - after everything?
NINA: Yes, the two of us. I would like to talk to you as a psychologist who works in a marriage guidance centre, I would like to help you, too. I know you need help. A friendly word at the right moment.

MIA: You want to help me? What? Help me in what?

NINA: How is Pegasus?

MIA: Which Pegasus? My horse, you mean?

NINA: Yes, I mean your horse.

MIA: Fine, he's fine.

NINA: What about the riding teacher?
How is your riding teacher? Pegasus's trainer.

MIA: What are you trying to say? There's nothing... I mean... we haven't ever... only when we have been bored, but talking is no sin, just an ordinary conversation between two people who want to say something to each other, because they are desirous of a sincere, warm word...

NINA: Mia, my cousin works as a waitress at the Hippodrome Cafe. I know everything. I know about your relationship with the riding teacher, and I know why you rush off to the riding club every Saturday. Pegasus is just a front. Just like your girlfriends. But I know you really enjoy riding. More often than once a month.

MIA: There's really nothing between us, just a friendly... it's an intellectual closeness, platonic love... How do you have any right to meddle in my private life, you are the former girlfriend of my husband so why should I have to be explaining anything to you, I am...

NINA: Mia, you don't have to explain anything to me, and I have no intention of blackmailing you the way you did me. I just want to give you a small piece of advice as a psychologist from the marriage guidance centre... If you permit me, I would like to tell you.
(Silence.)

MIA: Go ahead.

NINA: You were right when you said that the best life is based on truth without lies and deception, and that is why I would advise you to put an end to that story with Pegasus's trainer as soon as possible. That is a precondition for the restoration of your peace of mind, your sense of balance, and your happiness... Believe me, I have experience.

MIA: I know, but... it's not easy. For the first time I have someone with whom I feel so close, someone who understand me, someone who showers me with attention and tenderness. It's not easy to break off with such a man. If he only had some faults.

NINA: I know it's not easy, but don't let it go on too much longer.

MIA: I won't.

NINA: So now it's goodbye.

MIA: Goodbye!
(Mia goes towards the exit.)

NINA: Mia!
(Mia stops.)

MIA: Yes.

NINA: I'm glad to have met you.

MIA: And I am glad to have met you... and thank you for the advice... I will take it, but only after a month has passed, that is when I shall allow my husband to come back to me. But only on his knees. Goodbye!

NINA: Goodbye!

- THE END -



Formated for CROWN by prof.dr. Darko Žubrinić
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