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 »  Home  »  Croatian Language  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
 »  Home  »  Culture And Arts  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
By Miro Gavran | Published  11/16/2007 | Croatian Language , Culture And Arts | Unrated
Act 6


6. (ulica)
(Boris, Nina)

(Noć je. Ulicom šeću zagrljeni Boris i Nina.)

BORIS: Predivno mi je ovako s tobom noću prošetati ulicom. Devet je sati, grad je pust. Žena mi je doma, sin i kćer su otputovali u Austriju na tri dana. Pa ipak, adrenalin radi, jer šetam zagrljen sa svojom ljubavnicom izložen opasnosti da bi me netko od poznanika mogao vidjeti i prepoznati.

NINA: Ne volim riječ ljubavnica.

BORIS: Ne volim ni ja izraz trgovački putnik, pa ipak sam trgovački putnik.

NINA: Svejedno, ne zovi me više ljubavnicom, jer mi se to ne sviđa.

BORIS: U redu "prijateljice".
(Šutnja.)

BORIS: Čuj, imam jedan mali problem. A mislim da bi mi ti mogla pomoći.

NINA: Kaži!

BORIS: Malo je nezgodno.
NINA: Mora da je puno nezgodno, kada oklijevaš. Pričaj!

BORIS: U utorak žena i ja imamo dvadeset i petu godišnjicu poznanstva.

NINA: Poznanstva?

BORIS: Točno. Odnosno, na taj dan smo prije dvadeset i pet godina prohodali. I onda ona meni svake godine na taj dan kupi neki dar. Ja se obično pravim da sam zaboravio jer meni to ide na živce, ali ovo je dvadeset i peta godišnjica i mislim da bi bio red da joj nešto kupim za taj dan.

NINA: I, što ja imam s tim?

BORIS: U dilemi sam. Ne znam što da joj kupim. Što uopće danas žene vole, što je uopće primjereno za takvu obljetnicu. Htio sam se s tobom posavjetovati.

NINA: Baš sa mnom?

BORIS: A s kim drugim? Ti si ženskog spola - znaš što vole žene. A, uz to: jedino sam s tobom tako blizak da te mogu otvoreno pripupitati za savjet. Ti me dobro poznaješ, i znaš da svaki dar otkriva i darovatelja. Hoću reći: dar kazuje puno više o onome tko ga daje nego o onome tko ga prima.

NINA: Mislim da je malo neukusno da ti ja pomažem u tome.

BORIS: Zašto?

NINA: Iz moralnih razloga.

BORIS: Joj, nemoj me samo s moralom, pa znaš gdje živimo.

NINA: Gdje živimo?

BORIS: Živimo u našoj zemlji, u kojoj su moralisti smješniji od lopova.

NINA: Ja o sebi mislim malo drukčije.
(Zazvoni Ninin mobitel!)

NINA: Halo... da, ja sam... Dobro sam, dobro... Zašto? Firenca?!... Kada?... Subota?... Samo trenutak.
(Nina rukom pokrije mobitel, pa zapita Borisa):

NINA: Onaj Ludbreg od iduće subote, da li to stoji?

BORIS: Naravno.

NINA: Može li se to otkazati?

BORIS: Ni u ludilu. Ajdovščina nam je propala. Već sam rezervirao dvokrevetnu sobu. Neću valjda za samog sebe plaćati dvokrevetnu.
(Nina duboko uzdahne, pa opet prisloni mobitel na lice.)

NINA: Čuj, oprosti, ali nikako ne mogu ovu subotu, već imam dogovoreno i ne mogu otkazati... Pa, i meni je žao, ali drugi put možda... Bog, laku noć!
(Šutnja.)

BORIS: Tko je to bio?

NINA: Tamo u zgradi gdje je radim, nalazi se arhitektonski ured, iduće nedjelje idu na izlet u Firencu, pa su me pozvali.

BORIS: Zašto baš tebe?

NINA: Na pauzi pijemo kavu zajedno, pa smo se sprijateljili.
BORIS: A u tom arhitektonskom uredu su žene ili muškarci?

NINA: I žene i muškarci.

BORIS: A sad na telefonu, ta osoba koja te je zvala, to je bila žena ili muškarac?

NINA: Ma, daj, Boris, molim te - bio je hermafrodit. Jesi li sad zadovoljan?

BORIS: Grozno je to koliko taj mobitel danas uništava ljudima život, uništava im privatnost. Tako smo lijepo šetali po ovom svježem zraku, tako smo lijepo uživali, sve dok taj tvoj mobitel nije uskočio u našu privatnost, u naš život. Trebalo bi zakonom zabraniti te glupe mobitele, ljudi su postali jadni ovisnici, koji više nemaju svoju osobnost, svoj mir, svoju intimu.
(Zazvoni mobitel u Borisovom sakou. Boris ga hitro izvadi i prisloni ga na uho.)

BORIS: Da, dušo, ja sam. Tu sam... Kako gdje sam... pa, na večeri sam... zar ne čuješ zveckanje escajga... da, malo je zatišje prije deserta, sad smo se svi malo utišali, dečki koriste predah za zapaliti cigaretu... "Robert, pazi, otišlo ti je na odijelo!"... "Sorry, dečki, pričam sa ženom, evo sad ću..." oprosti draga, upravo je stigao ravnatelj, moram prekinuti, Bog... naravno da ću doći prije ponoći, samo ti gledaj televiziju i uživaj, žao mi je da nisamo zajedno. Bog, Bog!
(Šutnja.)

NINA: Lažeš ko malo dijete.

BORIS: Ako je laž korisna, onda je i društveno opravdana. Čak humana.

NINA: Toliko svi lažemo u ovome životu, da je to već postalo odvratno.

BORIS: Bolje slatka laž, nego gorka istina.

NINA: Odlučila sam iduće nedjelje otići u crkvu na ispovijed.

BORIS: Ma, daj - što će ti to?! Prije nikada nisi išla u crkvu.

NINA: U djetinjstvu sam išla. A u proteklih mjesec dana dvaput sam išla na misu, i baš mi je godilo... zato sam i došla na ideju da odem na ispovijed.

BORIS: Ma daj, što će ti to. Nije to za tebe.
(Šutnja. Odjednom Boris zastane i uznemirenog glasa zapita.)

BORIS: Nećeš valjda svećeniku reći za nas?!

NINA: Moram. Bit će mi lakše. Ispovijed nema smisla, ako nije do kraja iskrena. Ništa se ne smije prešutjeti.

BORIS: Znači, misliš mu reći za našu vezu?

NINA: Mislim.

BORIS: Nećeš valjda spominjati moje ime, nećeš valjda reći tko sam ja?!

NINA: Reći ću da sam u vezi s oženjenim čovjekom, ali ti neću spominjati ime.

BORIS: Nemoj spominjati ni koje sam profesije, da svećenik ne bi jednoga dana dokučio o kome se radi.

NINA: Boris, ne boj se. Znaš da svećenike veže ispovjedna tajna.

BORIS: Pusti ti to - i svećenici znaju popiti za Božić, a i inače... ja sam bio na jednom vjenčanju kad se svećenik napio i pričao takve viceve da smo svi ostali bez teksta... Ne sviđa mi se ni sama pomisao da o našem intimnom životu pričaš pred drugima. To je naša intima, naša svetinja, naša tajna. A pogotovo mi se ne sviđa da našu uzvišenu i čistu vezu tretiraš kao grijeh.

NINA: Ali to i jeste grijeh.
BORIS: Ma daj, molim te, vidi se da nikada nisi bila u braku. Da poznaješ moju ženu, shvatila bi me i razumjela. Uostalom, poštenije je imati ljubavnicu nego ići u javne kuće i za skupe pare kupovati ljubav i zadovoljstvo, kako su činili naši djedovi i pradjedovi u prošlosti.

NINA: E, baš ti hvala na toj degutantnoj usporedbi.
BORIS: Oprosti, nisam mislio tako. Oprosti.

 


6. (The Street)
(Boris, Nina)

(Night. Boris and Nina are strolling along with their arms about each other.)

BORIS: It's wonderful to be able to stroll with you like this at night. It's nine o'clock and the streets are empty. My wife is at home, and my son and daughter have gone to Austria for three days. But still, there's that shot of adrenaline, because I am walking embraced with my lover, exposed to the danger of some acquaintance seeing us.

NINA: I don't like that word 'lover'.

BORIS: I don't like the term travelling salesman, but that is what I am, a travelling salesman.

NINA: All the same, don't call me that, because I don't like it.

BORIS: Alright then, Ťgirlfriendť.
(Silence.)

BORIS: Look, I have a small problem. And I think you could help me.

NINA: What is it?

BORIS: It's somewhat delicate.
NINA: It must be extremely delicate, if you're hesitating. Tell me!
BORIS: On Friday it's the twenty-fifth anniversary of when my wife and I first met.

NINA: First met?
BORIS: Exactly. Actually, it was on that day that we first started going out together. And she buys me a nice gift on that day every year. I usually pretend to have forgotten because it all gets on my nerves, but this is the twenty-fifth anniversary and I think it would be in order that I buy her something for that day.

NINA: So... what's that got to do with me?

BORIS: I am in a dilemma. I don't know what to buy her. What do women like nowadays, what would be suitable for such an anniversary? I wanted to ask you for your advice.

NINA: You wanted to ask me?
BORIS: Who else? You are of the female gender - you know what women like. And besides: you are the only person with whom I am close enough to be able to ask openly for advice. You know me well, and you also know that every gift reveals the giver. What I mean is that a gift tells much more about the person giving it than about the recipient.

NINA: I think it is a bit tasteless that I help you in this matter.

BORIS: Why?

NINA: Well, for moral reasons.
BORIS: Please, don't talk to me about morals, surely you are aware of where we are living.

NINA: Where are we living?

BORIS: We live in our homeland, in which moralists are more ridiculous than thieves.

NINA: I have a slightly different opinion of myself.
(Nina's cell phone starts ringing. She answers it.)

NINA: Hello... yes, it's me... I'm fine, thank you, fine... Why? Florence?... When?... On Saturday?.. Hang on a moment, please.
(Nina covers the receiver with her hand, and asks Boris):

NINA: Is that Ludbreg still on for next Saturday?

BORIS: Of course.

NINA: Can you cancel it?

BORIS: No way. Ajdovščina fell through for us. I have already reserved a double room. Surely I won't have to pay for a double for just me.
(Nina sighs deeply, and raises the cell phone to her ear again.)

NINA: Look, I'm sorry, but I just can't make it this Saturday. I have something arranged and there's no way that I can cancel it... Yes, I'm sorry, too, some other time perhaps... Bye, good night!
(Silence.)

BORIS: Who was that?
NINA: There's an architectural bureau in the building where I work and they are going on an excursion to Florence this weekend, and they invited me to join them.

BORIS: Why you exactly?

NINA: We drink coffee together during the break, and we have become friends.
BORIS: Do women or men work at that bureau.

NINA: Both women and men.

BORIS: And now on the phone, the person who called you, was that a woman or a man?

NINA: For goodness sake, Boris - it was a hermaphrodite. Are you satisfied now?

BORIS: It's a terrible thing how those cell phones destroy human lives and people's privacy. We were having such a lovely walk in the fresh air before that phone intruded into our privacy, and our lives. They should be banned by law, people have become mere addicts, they have lost their personalities, their peace and their intimate lives.
(The cell phone in Boris's jacket pocket starts ringing. Boris hurriedly takes it out and puts it to his ear.)

BORIS: Yes, my sweet, it's me. Here I am... What do you mean, where am I... at dinner, of course... can't you hear the clinking of the cutlery... yes, we have all quietened down now, before the dessert is served, the blokes are using this interval to light up... "Careful, Robert, it's fallen on your suit!!"... "Sorry, fellas, talking with my wife, here I am..." sorry dear, the boss has just arrived, and I have to sign off, bye... of course I'll be home before midnight, you watch TV and enjoy yourself, wish we were together. Bye, bye!
(Silence.)

NINA: You lie like a small child.

BORIS: If a lie is useful, then it is socially justified. Even a humane gesture.

NINA: We all lie so much in our lives, that it has really become disgusting.

BORIS: A sweet lie is better than the bitter truth.

NINA: I have decided to go to confession next Sunday.

BORIS: Really - why do you need that? You never used to go to church.

NINA: I did during my childhood. And I have been to mass twice during the last month, and it suited me... that's where I got the idea to go to confession.

BORIS: Come on, you don't need that. It's not for you.
(Silence. Suddenly Boris pauses and asks in an agitated voice.)

BORIS: Surely you are not going to tell the priest about us?

NINA: I have to. It will make it easier for me. There's no point in going to confession if you are not completely frank. You can't skip over anything.

BORIS: So that means you will tell him about us.

NINA: I think so.

BORIS: You won't be telling him my name, will you? You won't be telling him who I am?

NINA: I will tell him that I am in a relationship with a married man, but I won't mention your name.

BORIS: Don't mention my profession either. One day the priest could work out who is in question.

NINA: Boris, stop worrying. You know that priests are bound by an oath on the secrecy of the confession.

BORIS: You can forget that - priests drink too much at Xmas, just like everybody else, and anyway... I was at a wedding once when the priest got drunk and starting telling such juicy jokes that we were all left speechless... I don't even like the thought of you talking with other people about our intimate life. It's our intimate life, our secret, something sacred to us. And I am particularly displeased that you are treating our sublimely pure relationship as a sin.

NINA: But it is a sin.

BORIS: Just a minute, please, you can see that you have never been married. If you knew my wife, you would understand me. In any case, it's more honest to have another woman than to go to brothels and pay big money for love and pleasure, the way our grandfathers and great-grandfathers used to do in the past.

NINA: Ah, thank you very much for that disgusting comparison.

BORIS: Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. Sorry.


 


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