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 »  Home  »  Croatian Language  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
 »  Home  »  Culture And Arts  »  Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
Miro Gavran's comedy available as Croatian-English parallel text
By Miro Gavran | Published  11/16/2007 | Croatian Language , Culture And Arts | Unrated
Act 7


7. (ured)
(Nina, Mia)

(Nina sjedi za stolom. Dolazi Mia.)

MIA: Dobar dan.

NINA: Kasnite sat vremena.

MIA: Znam. Jedva sam se oslobodila Borisa. Htio je sa mnom provesti ovo poslijepodne, nikako da me ostavi na samo - onda sam se sjetila da se izvučem na njegov rođendan, pa sam mu rekla da moram biti sama, jer da mu želim kupiti dar za rođendan.

NINA: Kad mu je rođendan?

MIA: Zar ne znaš?

NINA: Znala sam, ali sam zaboravila.

MIA: U četvrtak, dvadeset i šestoga.

NINA: A, da.

MIA: Moraš mu i ti kupiti neki dar, neku sitnicu... nemoj zaboraviti, pa da mi dođe doma nervozan.

NINA: Okej - imat ću na umu.

MIA: Zašto si htjela da se nađemo?

NINA: Htjela sam vam reći... ja više ne mogu ovako.

MIA: Što želiš kazati?

NINA: Ne mogu više s njim.

MIA: Obećala si... hoćeš da ostaneš bez radnog mjesta?

NINA: Nemojte me ucjenjivati, nego mi pomozite da riješimo problem.

MIA: A u čemu je problem?

NINA: Problem je u njemu. Posesivan je, nepodnošljiv... tjera me stalno da idem s njim na ta putovanja po provinciji, dolazi mi doma dva-tri puta tjedno... otkako smo se pomirli postao je seksualno nezajažljiv, uz to: znam sve njegove viceve, sve njegove šale, petlja mi se u život, sve mora biti po njegovom. Koma. Jednom riječju: dosadio mi je.

MIA: Takvi su svi muškarci koje poznajem. Ne vidim gdje je problem? Očekujem od tebe da ne prekidaš dogovor i da nastaviš sve po starome. Žena si. Duraj! Trpi!

NINA: Ma, ima još nešto.

MIA: Kaži!

NINA: Tamo gdje radim, u istoj zgradi, vrata do nas je arhitektonski projektni biro.

MIA: Da, i?

NINA: Tamo radi jedan mladić, moje godište... arhitekt je i stalno me zove na piće, u kino. Zgodan je, drag...

MIA: A, tako... Jesi li već izišla s njim?
NINA: Nisam... mislim da ne bi bilo pošteno dok sam s Borisom u vezi...

MIA: Sviđa ti se?

NINA: Jako.

MIA: Koliko jako?

NINA: Jako jako.

MIA: Sigurna si u svoje osjećaje?

NINA: Sto od sto.

MIA: Pazi, žene su ponekad sklone umisliti da im se netko sviđa, samo zato jer je dotični gospodin ljubazan, nasmiješen, jer nosi dobro odijelo.

NINA: Ma, nije to. Kvalitetan je čovjek. I svaki put kad ga susretnem... zatreperim. Kao u osnovnoj školi.

MIA: A čuj... ako je tako jasno je da ne možeš više igrati ovu igru i biti Borisova ljubavnica... a opet, ako prekineš s Borisom, mene ćeš gurnuti u govna, opet će mi sjesti za vrat... A opet - ako se pojavila prava ljubav, pravi čovjek za tebe, onda ne mogu tražiti od tebe da se zbog nas žrtvuješ i da to uništiš. Ja sam inače uvijek u životu bila za to da pobijedi ljubav, istinska ljubav. A sad je to tako komplicirano... i zbog Borisa i zbog mene.

NINA: Zato sam željela s vama porazgovarati... ja nisam pametna... kako da se to rasplete, a da bude dobro i za vas i za meneýpa i za Borisa.
(Dugotrajna šutnja.)

MIA: Sranje. Veliko sranje.

NINA: Znam, znam.
(Mia se okrene publici.)

MIA: Eto što ti je život - prvo riješim svoje probleme, pa riješim muževe probleme, a sad moram rješavati probleme ljubavnice moga muža. Što je najsmješnije, stalo mi je i do njezine sreće.
(Nina se okrene publici.)

NINA: Osjećam se još gluplje nego ona. Radim u bračnom savjetovalištu kao iznimno poštovano stručno lice. Uspješno pomažem ljudima i s najvećim životnim i emotivnim poteškoćama. A sad sam spala na to da tražim pomoć od žene moga ljubavnika. (Nina i Mia se "vrate" u scenu.)
(Dugotrajna šutnja.)

NINA: Jel vam pada što na um?

MIA: Pusti! Šuti! Vidiš da mislim.
(Dugotrajna šutnja.)

MIA: Znam! Sjetila sam se!

NINA: Stvarno?!

MIA: Imam rješenje!

NINA: Kažite.

MIA: Polako - čekaj - evo ovako: Ti moraš ići svojim putem, izgraditi svoj život bez ljubavnika. Je li tako?

NINA: Je! To bi za mene bilo najbolje.

MIA: Ja moram svoga muža preuzeti na sebe, ali na takav način da me više ne davi i da mi bude podložan i manji od makovog zrna. Je li tako?

NINA: Je. To bi možda i za vas bilo najbolje.

MIA: E, a da bi on ostavio tebe na miru, a meni se vratio na način da ja dominiram nad njim - bilo bi nužno da ga ja "kaoť" zateknem dok je s tobom i da ga ja "kaoť" raskrinkam kao ljubavnika i na smrt se naljutim što me vara, i kažem mu da mi na oči više ne dolazi, da više s njim pod istim krovom ne želim provesti niti jednu jedinu noć. On na to odlazi kod svoje mame... i tamo živi mjesec dana, dok se ja ne umilostivim i ne omekšam, pa mu dopustim da se vrati doma. On se vraća kući manji od makova zrna... ja sam gospodar situacije i sve je od toga dana onako kako ja kažem, jer on ima 3 kilograma putra na glavi.

NINA: Sjajna ideja! Ali, to sve odglumiti, odigrati - to baš i nije jednostavno.

MIA: Ako se žene u nešto razumiju onda je to šoping i gluming. Samo nam treba dobar scenarij. Slažeš li se?

NINA: Slažem se.

 


7. (Nina's Office)
(Nina, Mia)

(Nina is sitting at her desk. Mia comes in.)

MIA: Hello.

NINA: You are an hour late.

MIA: I know. I hardly managed to get rid of Boris. He wanted to spend this afternoon with me, and just wouldn't leave me alone - then I remembered that I could use his birthday as an excuse, so I told him that I had to be alone because I wanted to buy him a birthday present.

NINA: When is his birthday?

MIA: Don't you know?

NINA: I knew, but have forgotten.

MIA: On Thursday, the twenty-sixth.

NINA: Ah yes.

MIA: You must buy him something, something small... don't forget or he will come home to me all upset.

NINA: OK - I'll keep it in mind.

MIA: What did you want us to meet?

NINA: I wanted to tell you... I can't go on like this any more.

MIA: What do you mean?

NINA: I can't keep on seeing him.

MIA: You promised... do you want to lose your job?

NINA: Instead of blackmailing me, help me to solve the problem.

MIA: And what is the problem?

NINA: He is the problem. He is possessive and unbearable... he keeps on insisting on those trips through the provinces, he comes to my home two to three times a week... since we made up he is sexually insatiable, and besides: I know all his jokes, all his little jests, he meddles in my life, everything has to be his way. I'm a nervous wreck. In a word: he bores me stiff.

MIA: All the men I know are like that. I don't see where the problem is. I expect you to keep to your side of the bargain and carry on as before. You are a woman. Women know how to put up with things as they are!

NINA: And there's something else.

MIA: What's that?

NINA: There is an architectural bureau in my building, next door to my office.

MIA: Yes, and?

NINA: A young man works there, he's my age... he's an architect and keeps on asking me out for a drink, to the cinema. He's attractive and nice...

MIA: Oh, I see... Have you already been out with him?

NINA: No... I don't think it would be fair while I'm still seeing Boris...

MIA: Do you like this architect?

NINA: Very much.

MIA: How much?

NINA: Very, very much.

MIA: Are you sure of your feelings?

NINA: One hundred percent.

MIA: Careful now, women are sometimes inclined to imagine that they like someone, only because the gentleman in question is well-mannered, with a pleasant smile, and wears a good suit.

NINA: No, it's not that. He's a worthwhile person. And every time I meet him... I start fluttering. As if I were back in elementary school.
MIA: Well, listen... if it is so evident that you can no longer play this game and be Boris's squeeze, well... then again, if you break up with Boris, you will shove me back into the shit, he will have me by the throat again... But then again - if true love is on the horizon I can't expect you to sacrifice yourself for us and turn away from it. Otherwise, I have always thought that love conquers all, true love. And now this is all so complicated... because of Boris and because of me.

NINA: That's why I wanted to talk with you... I am not shrewd enough... how can we unwind all this so that it will be good for you and good for me... and good for Boris.
(A long silence.)

MIA: Shit. Deep shit.

NINA: I know, I know.
(Mia turns to the audience.)

MIA: That's life for you - first I solved my own problems, and then my husband's problems, and now I have to solve the problems of my husband's girlfriend. And what makes it really funny is the fact that I really care about her and her happiness.
(Nina speaks to the audience.)

NINA: I feel even sillier than she does. I work at a marriage guidance centre as a highly respected expert. I am successful in helping people with the most serious emotional problems in their lives. And now I am reduced to asking for help from the wife of my lover.
(Nina and Mia "return" to the scene.)
(A long silence.)

NINA: Does anything occur to you?

MIA: Leave it to me! Be quiet! Can't you see I'm thinking.
(Another long silence.)

MIA: I know! I've got it!

NINA: Really?

MIA: I have the solution!

NINA: Tell me.

MIA: Slowly - wait for it - this is how it is: You have to go your own way, and build your life without this married man as your lover. Isn't that right?

NINA: Yes! That would be best for me.

MIA: I have to take responsibility for my husband, but in such a way that he gives me breathing space and becomes submissive and completely insignificant. Is that right?

NINA: Yes. That would perhaps be the best solution for you.

MIA: So, for him to leave you in peace and come back to me so that I can dominate him - it would be necessary for me to "catch" him while he is with you and "discover" that he has another woman and become deathly angry because he has been cheating on me, and tell him never to dare to appear before me again, that I don't want to spend even one night more under the same roof with him. Then he goes to his mother's place... and stays there for a month, waiting for me to soften up and take pity on him, and allow him to return home. He will come home but will no longer be of any consequence whatsoever... I shall be the master of the situation and, from that day forward, everything will be as I say because he will have been caught red-handed and be feeling as guilty as hell.

NINA: That's a great idea! But it won't be simple to act it all out - not simple at all.

MIA: If there are some things that women are good at they are shopping and acting. All we need is a good script. Do you agree?

NINA: I agree.


 


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