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(E) Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant
By Nenad N. Bach | Published  04/5/2002 | Humor And Wisdom | Unrated
(E) Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, 
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, 
and the eyesight to tell the difference. 
Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) 
here's what I've discovered.... 
ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. 
TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. 
THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. 
FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. 
FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair. 
SIX - If all is not lost, where is it? 
SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. 
EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant. 
NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few. 
TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents. 
ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids. 
TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when 
you haven't been anywhere. 
THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door 
is when you're in the bathroom. 
FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, 
he would have put them on my knees. 
FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, 
why does everyone decide to play chess? 
SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. 
SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and 
a grave is the depth. 
EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... 
I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after. 
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