A scene at City Hall in San Francisco
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any SIBLINGS....
"Incest? No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then WHY do you want to get married?"
"For the 'financial benefits', of course. And we DO love
each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian
couples who've been denied 'equal protection' under the
law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to
marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm 'straight'
doesn't mean I want to marry a WOMAN........... I want to
"And I want to marry TIM. Are you going to
DISCRIMINATE against us just because we are NOT gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We ALL want to marry 'each other'."
"But there are FOUR of you!"
"That's right. You see, we're all 'bisexual'. I love Jane
and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert
and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us
getting married together is the ONLY way that we can
'express' OUR sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and
"SO......... you're discriminating against BISEXUALS!!!!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is
that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on TRADITION?"
"Well, I mean, you have to 'draw the line' SOMEWHERE."
"WHO SAYS? There's NO logical reason to limit marriage
to 'couples'. The MORE the BETTER!!. Besides, we
DEMAND our RIGHTS!! The mayor says the
contitution GUARANTEES 'equal protection' under
the law. GIVE US A MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!!"
"All right, ALL RIGHT...... Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry MYSELF."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a 'dual personality',
so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file
a 'joint' income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!!
YOU people are making a 'MOCKERY' of marriage!!!!"