PARAPROSDOKIANS

[Ratimir Mocnaj]

PARAPROSDOKIANS

(Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech, or unexpected;
frequently humorous in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising



1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.



2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you; but, it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.



4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.



5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.



6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.



7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it

in a fruit salad.



8. They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to

tell you why it isn't.



9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is

research.



10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. Why is my

desk a work station.



11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paycheques.



12. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of

emergency, notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'



13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.



14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the

street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.



15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a

successful man is usually another woman.



16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.



17. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute

to skydive twice.



18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.



19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so

they can't get away.



20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.



21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.



22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you

hit the target.



23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.



24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.



25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing

in a garage makes you a car.



26. Where there's a will, there's a relative.