http://www.croatia.org/crown en-us http://www.croatia.org/crown N/A letters@croatia.org Thu, 30 Apr 2026 10:50:29 +0000 20 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11419/1/Miro-Gavrans-comedy-quotThe-Dollquot-premiered-in-India-in-Shimla.html The Doll is the story of an android woman, written by Miro Gavran. It has been premiered in the Shimla Town in India, in the Gaity Theatre. The theatre was founded already in 1887. The story was translated from Croatian into Hindi by Saurabh Srivastava. The play is directed by Kedar Thakur, and the main roles are played by Rupesh Bhimta and Yashvi Bhardwaj. Miro Gavran's plays have been translated into 42 languages worldwide, and seen by more than four million people. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Tue, 23 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11416/1/Oto-Reisinger-1927-2016-distinguished-Croatian-caricaturist.html The people of Zagreb remember him as a well-known and charismatic face of the city, who came up with his ideas every day, absorbing the city's atmosphere by transferring them to paper, he gained world fame. His departure created a void that is impossible to fill, but the goal of the House of Cartoons in Zagreb is to make Oto's spirit live forever. Except in Croatia, he published his caricatures abroad (in Germany, Switzerland, the Netherlands, and Great Britain): in Quick, Nebelsparter, Panorama, Punch. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Tue, 09 Jul 2024 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11373/1/Miro-Gavrans-plays-in-India-and-Indian-actress-Nimrat-Kaur.html Miro Gavran's plays had several hundred of premiers throughout the world, so that he is not able to follow them all. Only his play "All About Women" had as many as 53 premieres (in Zagreb, New York, Los Angeles, Paris, Prague, Buenos Aires, Sarajevo, etc). she had a role in Gavran's play "All About Women". With this play, distinguished Indian actress Nimrat Kaur had the largest number of repeats, due to which she earned a nomitation for the leading theatric recognition in India. This article is a short summary of a public lecture delivered by Mr. Miro Gavran in Zagreb, organized by the Embassy of the Republic of India and by the Croatian-Indian Society. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Mon, 03 Apr 2023 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11326/1/Miro-Gavrans-theatrical-play-The-Doll-shown-in-Russia-and-Turkey-in-2022.html Miro Gavran is the greatest Croatian contemporary playwright: his plays were translated from Croatian into as many as 41 languages worldwide. His play 'The Doll' will be shown in 2022 in the Russian Federationand in Turkey. Its Russian premiere will be shown on 26th Febrary 2022 in Moscow, at the famous Taganjka Theatre. The play was translated from Croatian by Sergej Girin. It was premiered already in 2011 in New York, and since then it was shown with great success throughout the world: in Los Angeles, Mumbai, Havana, Vienna, Copenhagen, Budapest, etc. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Fri, 28 Jan 2022 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11209/1/Starlings-Rhapsody-in-Siroki-Brig-in-Bosnia-and-Herzegovina---lesson-for-Europe-and-more.html Starling, or èvorak in Croatian, provides us with surprising lessons of social tolerance and help. See a short video from Bosnia and Herzegovina, shot in the city of ©iroki Brig (or ©iroki Brijeg, i.e., Wide Hill), which is not far from Meðugorje. The duration of this very educative video is 1 minute and 19 seconds. Incredible starlings show on large transmission line was captured in the village Dobrkoviæi. The name of the Dobrkoviæi village is funny: Till the Moustache! darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 07 Mar 2020 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11205/1/Akiane-Kramarik-spirituality-of-painting.html Akiane Kramarik: "...Realizing that nobody, except for my mother, cherished my work, I became more and more disillusioned. One time I threw my painting in the rain outside. And as it was landing into the puddle someone caught it. Just in time. It was my mother. Out of breath she shared something, 'Last night I had a strange dream. I saw thousands of people waiting for your art. The line stretched all the way to the horizon.' " At the age of 4 she started dreaming about God, indicating that God inspired her to start painting and writing poetry about Him. She has dedicated her life to God and is focused on making the world a better place. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Mon, 17 Feb 2020 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11204/1/Miro-Gavran-Croatian-writer-translated-in-Paris-and-Hong-Kong-2020.html Miro Gavran is the greatest contemporary Croatian playwright, translated to as many as 40 languages worldwide. Miro Gavran: 'The Paris edition of my drama is a continuation of my rich cooperation with French translators, I had five premiers in Paris, and I also had seven books published in that extraordinary city. Regarding the Chinese publication of my comedy The Doll, I see it as a great acknowledgement to my theatre writing. So far only my novel How We Broke Our Legs was published in Beijing, and now they can finally get to know me as a dramatist." darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 11 Jan 2020 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11194/1/Nenad-Bach-Searching-for-Boredom-2019.html Triumphant 2019 ITTF Parkinson's World Table Tennis Championships, which included 62 players, 12 countries, and 130 participants. A triumph of spirit. We play for history and the 10 million who could not play. Lots of traveling, flying around the globe, as the leitmotif of the year was Ping Pong Parkinson, music and sport as the challenge of living and working with Parkinson. I feel grateful and thankful to so many friends and acquaintances who help me along the way. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy New 20, Happy Holidays. World Peace in One Hour, but most of all - Peace on Earth. Let's achieve this sooner rather than later. We have everything we need, right now. Yours, Nenad Bach darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Tue, 31 Dec 2019 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11182/1/Vladimir-Novak-Croatians-in-America-fascinating-photomonograph-published-in-2018.html  Vladimir Novak (1928-2016) darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 27 Oct 2019 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11146/1/Nenad-Bach-International-Newsletter-No-52-The-Start-of-a-New-Year-2019.html Dear All, the year 2018 was a productive and exciting year and 2019 which just started looks like even more exciting... and I hope as productive as well. Focus WORLD PEACE, promoting my idea of World Peace In One Hour through four Human Passions that connects us all. ART, SPORTS, GASTRONOMY and FASHION. These four passions unite us regardless of skin color, religion, education, status in society, personal wealth or political alliance. If you have a Parkinson's diagnose and love Ping Pong, there will be the ITTF Parkinson's World Table Tennis Championships from October 11-13 here in New York. If you play any of 500+ instruments and want to play for World Peace in One Hour in the orchestra that has ALL the instruments of the world, apply! darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 24 Feb 2019 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/11050/1/-Miro-Gavran-to-be-awarded-with-quotGold-Merit-Badge-of-the-Republic-of-Austriaquot-by-president-Van-der-Bellen.html Alexander Van der Bellen, President of Austria made a decision to award Miro Gavran with "Gold Merit Badge of the Republic of Austria". It will be awarded on March 20th 2018. He received international "Dr. Alois Mock Europa-Preis" award for affirmation of European values in his literary works in December in Vienna. Prominent publisher from Vienna - "Seifert Verlag" published four of his novels in hardcover. Gavran has had nine theatre premieres in German in Austria and Germany so far and there is one more premiere coming up in Vienna in Septermber 2018. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Thu, 08 Mar 2018 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10918/1/Miro-Gavrans-play-quotAll-About-Menquot-translated-into-Estonian-and-premiered-in-Tallinn-in-Nov-2016.html Miro Gavran's play "All About Men" has been premiered in Tallinn, capital of Estonia in Vana Baskini Theatre on November 11th. So far it had 16 premieres in theaters from Rio de Janeiro to Zagreb, Moscow, Prague and Krakow. It was translated into ten languages which helped promote this Croatian writer whose work was translated into 38 languages and whose plays had more than 300 premieres and 3 million viewers all around the world. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 13 Nov 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10838/1/KISHA-the-first-Croatian-smart-umbrella-that-youll-never-lose-created-by-Andrija-Colak.html KISHA is the world’s first smart umbrella. Never lose it, always take it with you when it rains. With KISHA, you'll never ever worry about getting soaking wet. It's connected with a mobile app on your iPhone or Android and tells you each morning (or any other time of the day) if it's going to rain. It also reminds you when you leave it in a pub, bar, restaurant or any other public place. Smart? We'd rather say intelligent! The meaning of KISHA in Croatian is RAIN. Of course, you will get umbrella, not rain :) On the photo Andrija Èolak, getkisha.com darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Fri, 06 May 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10826/1/Roman-Krznaric-popular-philosopher-and-his-new-book-Carpe-Diem-Reclaimed.html Roman Krznaric is a cultural thinker and writer on the art of living and social change. His bestselling books, which include Empathy, The Wonderbox and How to Find Fulfilling Work, have been published in over 20 languages. His writings have been widely influential  political and environmental campaigners, education reformers, social entrepreneurs, psychologists and designers. He is founder of the world’s first Empathy Museum and is also a founding faculty member of The School of Life. Roman has been named by The Observer as one of Britain’s leading popular philosophers. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Mon, 11 Apr 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10822/1/Miro-Gavrans-comedy-premiered-in-Lithuanias-capital-Vilnius-on-10-March-20016.html Miro Gavran's comedy "Henpecked Husbands" had its premiere in popular theater Domino in Vilnius, Lithuania, on March 10th. Director is Kostas Smoriginas, main roles are performed by Edita U¾aite, Ineta Stasiulyte, Eimutis Kvo¹èiauskas, Mantas Vaitiekunas, Andrius Bialob¾eskis, Evaldas Jaras and Sandra Dauk¹aite-Petrulene.  The works of Miro Gavran have been translated into 38 languages. His books had over 200 editions in Croatia and abroad. Based on his dramas and comedies, there were more than 300 theatric premieres worldwide, seen by more than three million of people. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 27 Mar 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10806/1/Mate-Rimac-How-We-Build-The-Worlds-Fastest-Electric-Car-.html Focused on high-performance that comes from a unique fusion of light build, and pure, seamless power, Rimac Automobili was driven from the world we were, passionate petrolheads, into the world of electric propulsion that we are today. Rimac Automobili is a family of enthusiasts, engineers and designers on their quest to discover new ways of making cars faster, and to prove to the World that fun can be electric - far more than anyone ever imagined. Located in Croatia, near Zagreb, the Rimac factory is a place where magic has happened since 2009. When you love what you do, you don't work, you play and thus create art.  darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Tue, 16 Feb 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10795/1/Marin-Soljacic-professor-at-MIT-speaking-about-newest-discoveries-in-nanophotonics-and-applications.html Marin Soljaèiæ, distinguished Croatian-American physicst and professor at MIT, USA, delivered a very interesting talk at the 2015 Tech Day, dealing with newest achievements in nanonphotonics and possible applications. Nanophotonics is a sub-field of nanotechnology that deals with light (photons). Nanophotonic techniques provide ultimate opportunities for tailoring behavior of light, thus offering a potential to enable a wide variety of important applications. This talk highlights recent work in this area, including security applications (for consumers and soldiers), energy conversion, and displays. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 24 Jan 2016 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10673/1/Fritzie-Zivic-boxing-welterweight-champ-invited-by-famous-inventor-Nikola-Tesla-to-lunch-in-New-York.html Fritzie Zivic never asked why. He never asked if his opponent hit hard, if his opponent deserved the shot, if the opponent would be tough. He just said “yes” and signed the contract. Perhaps this fearlessness is the reason why Zivic may have fought a better array of boxers than any fighter in history. 23,190 people filled the Madison Square Garden in New York to the rafters when Armstrong met Zivic again on January 17, 1941. This remains the all-time highest Garden record for attendance! After this match, great inventor Nikola Tesla invited his compatriot and his four brothers to celebrate this win in his hotel. See Tesla and Zivic on the photo. darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 18 Apr 2015 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10587/1/TARARA-singing-and-dance-connecting-Maori-people-in-New-Zealand-with-Croatians.html We invite you to enjoy the magnificent Samoan capella performances and indigenous chants combined with Croatian harmony blockbusters: Vilo moja (My Fairy), Ju te san se zajubio (I Fell In Love With You), Samo moru virujen (I Believe To The See Only), and other. Breathless feeling goes further with Maori who are, within their customs, songs and dances presentation surprising everyone with Maori version of the song "Vilo moja." Maori and Croatian all get on very well. They have a similar way of looking at life and relationships. Tarara is a mixture of Maori people and Croatians in New Zelaland. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Fri, 18 Jul 2014 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10461/1/Cliff-Searching-in-Croatia-by-Orlando-Duque-etc-etc.html Orlando Duque visited Croatia and searched for the most attractive cliffs to dive. He was delighted with the Croatian natural beauties and executed a  number of incredible jumps from cliffs. For such a small country, Croatia offers visitors an incredible range of landscapes: from the Mediterranean coast with its necklace of 1244 islands to the sunflower-gilded Slavonian plains, via pristine rivers and the wildlife-rich subalpine regions of Gorski kotar and the Velebit mountains. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Fri, 20 Sep 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10444/1/Miro-Gavrans-play-Night-of-the-Gods-translated-into-Hindi-will-be-played-in-Hyderabad-India-on-August-3rd-2013.html The Croatian author Miro Gavran’s play “NIGHT OF THE GODS” will be premiered in THE TURIYA THEATRE in the Indian city of Hyderabad on  August 3rd. The play has been translated into Hindi and is being directing by Bavani Ganti, while the main roles are being played by Rabul Reddy, Vinay Abhishek and Afroz Hussaini. To date “NIGHT OF THE GODS” has been played in 20 premiere performances. His works have been translated into 35 languages, and his books have come out in 150 different editions at home and abroad. His dramas and comedies have had more than 200 theatre first nights around the world and have been seen by more than two million theatre-goers. darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Mon, 29 Jul 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10433/1/Croatia-in-EU-on-July-1st-2013-seen-by-professional-designers.html Croatia has 12 centuries of uninterrupted international legitimicy, much longer than great majority of other members of the EU. As such, Croatia as an international subject is much older than EU itself. Among the most important moments of Croatia's recent past are June 25th 1991, when Croatian Deit (one of the oldest in Europe), as a result of 93,24% majority of votes of Croatian citizens, decided to become a sovereign state, as well as the decision of Badinter's Committee from September 7th 1991 about de facto recognition of Croatia. On the photo is an amusing pair of shoes, designed by Teo Bekavac, professional Croatian designer. The red one represents Croatia, and the blue one the EU. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sun, 30 Jun 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10431/1/Ljeposlav-Perinic-1922-2005-the-King-of-Dolls-and-the-world-exhibition-of-his-dolls-in-Buenos-Aires-in-1970.html Ljeposlav Periniæ 1922-2005 was a Croatian known under the title of the King of Dolls or Rey de las munecas. In 1970 he had an exhibition of dolls in Buenos Aires where he lived since 1945. In this article we show a short interview with him conducted by Monica Mihanovic. On the photo Mr. Periniæ with two beautiful dolls representing Pakistan (on the left) and India. Since 1991 the collection of his dolls is kept in Croatia's capital Zagreb. darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 29 Jun 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10427/1/A-famous-Croatian-Professor-Balthazar-shown-by-Google-on-its-front-page-on-June-21st-2013.html Professor Balthazar is probably the most famous Croatian professor in the world, a popular figure of cartoon movies, familiar to millions of children throughout the world. It has been created in 1967, that is, 46 years ago, by Zlatko Grgiæ, a member of the lagendary Zagreb School of Animated Film. On June 21st 2013 Google placed the professor on its front page. Professor Balthazar was equally popular among children fourty years ago, as is today. darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 22 Jun 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10415/1/Miro-Gavrans-interviews-and-plays-to-be-shown-in-Poland-the-Czech-Republic-and-in-Belgium-in-June-2013.html Miro Gavran, the greatest contemporary Croatin playwright, will soon have several appearances with his plays and interviews in Poland, the Czech Republic, and in Belgium. His works have been translated into 35 languages worldwide, including Chinese. His play Hotel Babilon is in some way very special: it is a monodrama in which his wife Mladena Gavran (on the photo) plays as many as ELEVEN different roles. darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Fri, 07 Jun 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10388/1/Zoran-Jakuc-student-of-the-University-of-Zagreb-and-his-project-CROM--CROATIA---ROMANIA.html Mr. Zoran Jakuc, a student of the Faculty of Textile Technology (TTF) of the University of Zagreb, spent three exciting months in Romania in 2011/12, within the European student exchange, at the University of Iasi. Among others, he proposed and organized an interesting Croatian-Romanian student project, called CROM 2012, aiming to promote cultures of both countries, using fashion and textile technology. The project resulted with a rich two hour cultural program, which was a great success, registered by the Romanian TV. He was also accompanied with his two colleagues from the TTF of the University of Zagreb, Marija Dami¹ and Kristina Pli¹o. darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Tue, 19 Mar 2013 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10345/1/-Croatian-toys-exhibited-at-the-Zagreb-Ethnographic-Museum-1-Dec-2012---31-May-2013.html The Ethnographic Museum in Zagreb organized a very nice exhibition of Croatian toys, 1 Dec 2012 - 31 May 2013. The opening has been accompanied by a group of children, members of the Turopolje Folklore Ensemble, wearing fantastic national costumes from the region of Turopolje near Zagreb. Traditional manufacturing of children's wooden toys in Hrvatsko Zagorje, a region on the north of Croatia, has been inscribed in 2009 on the Representative List of the Intangible Cultural Heritage of Humanity darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Mon, 03 Dec 2012 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10321/1/Entertainment-in-Croatian-restaurant-Dobro-in-Tokyo-accompanied-with-sarma-and-buzara.html Hello! Morning (ハロー! モーニング。, harō mōningu?) was a weekly Japanese TV show featuring members of Morning Musume, and sometimes other Hello! Project members on TV Tokyo. In this episode they introduced Croatia as an opponent of Japan during the Football World Cup 2006 in Germany and showed some cultural things and made a quiz afterwards. Really funny, especially from Croatian point of view. ;-) darko.zubrinic@gmail.com (Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 22 Sep 2012 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10252/1/Nenad-Bach--Miro-Gavran-hosted-by-Branimir-Bilic-on-Croatian-TV-2010.html Nenad Bach, distinguished Croatian-American musician, and Miro Gavran, distinguished Croatian writer, both of worldwide reputation, were guests on the Croatian Television show Lica nacije (Faces of the Nation) hosted by Branimir Biliæ on the photo and directed by ®eljko Musiæ. This very interesting interview discussed strategic issues of the global promotion of Croatian culture, as well as fundamental human values nourished within family. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Sun, 22 Apr 2012 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10251/1/Miro-Gavrans-comedy-quotMy-Wifes-Husbandquot-will-be-premiered-in-Mumbai-India-28-April-2012.html On April 28 Miro Gavran's comedy, "My Wife's Husband" will be premiered in Mumbai, India in the Hindi language.  The Performers Theatre Group and the National Centre for Performing Arts in Mumbai are handling the production side. The play has been translated into Hindi and is being directed by Munish Sharma, while the main roles are being played by Aditi Pohanker, Munish Sharma and Abhimanyu Pandey. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Sun, 22 Apr 2012 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10222/1/Pino-Kuhar-Croatian-cook-unique-in-the-world.html "Kuhar" in Croatian means "cook". So, Mr. Pino Kuhar from Croatia is Pino the Cook. But Kuhar is his true last name, not the nickname. Now, as a surprise, he was born in the village of Kuhari, that is, in the village of The Cooks! Employed as a professional chef, a few years ago he was proclaimed as the best Croatian chef - Hrvatski kuhar. So, Mr. Pino The Cook is distinguished chef born in the village of The Cooks in Croatia. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Sun, 22 Jan 2012 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10210/1/Marija-Zudenigo-footprint-collection-exhibited-in-Rijeka-Croatia-November-16th-8211-29th-2011.html Marija Zudenigo, city of Rijeka, Croatia: "Mother is a child’s first earth. The way we learn to walk on our first earth is the way we walk through our life. All our inner imbalances adopted from this ‘walk’ make themselves known in our physical walk. It was this insight that made me a footprint collector." Her collection of  more than 3,000 footprints is exhibited in Kortil Art Gallery in Rijeka, November 16th – 29th, 2011. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Wed, 21 Dec 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10185/1/Google-congratulated-the-Independence-Day-October-8-to-Croatia---many-thanx-to-Google.html On 8 October 1991 the Croatian Deit (Parliament) decided to cancel all ties with ex-Yugoslavia. The day before Zagreb has been bombed by the Yugoslav army attempting to assasinate president Franjo Tuðman and Croatian Government. The decision has been undertaken in circumstances of Serbian agression on Croatia, where the ex-Yu army was left without control of ex-Yugoslav presidency. The Decision obtained support of great majority of citizens of Croatia. Thank you, Google, for celebrating Croatian Independence Day with us! darko@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach and Darko ®ubriniæ) Sat, 08 Oct 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10172/1/Epidaurus-Festival-in-Croatia-for-littlest-residents-of-Dubrovnik-region-in-Pridvorje-16-Sep-2011-at-8pm.html The most precious things begin and end at home; all else is secondary. Je¾urka Je¾iæ, the popular character from Branko Æopiæ's “Je¾eva kuæica” (The Hedgehog's Home), understood this.  So shall we, and our children; I'm not afraid for the children - they will understand if they have a chance. A beautiful interpretation of this timeless text takes the form of a musical in the enchanted surroundings of Konavle's Pridvorje on Friday, September 16th 2011 at 8pm. This lovely and important presentation is a gift from the Epidaurus Festival to the kindergarten in Konavle. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10145/1/Drago-Struna-and-his-view-to-natural-beauties-of-Croatia-in-particular-of-Istria.html We inivte you to see some very nice sets of photos prepared by Drago Struna, devoted to various parts of Croatia, in particular to Istria. Some presentations are accompanied by authentic Croatian music. Mr. Drago Struna is high school professor of chemistry, amateur photographer, and nature lover. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Thu, 21 Jul 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10134/1/Miro-Gavrans-play-quotAll-About-Womenquot-watched-by-theatre-lovers-in-India.html ‘All About Women' was a wonderful journey in to the lives of women. The play has been written by Croatian author and playwright Miro Gavran. It starred Mumbai-based theatre artists Ratnabali Bhattacharjee, Prerna Chawla, Nimrat Kaur, Tahira Nath, Malaika Shenoy and Shivani Tanksale. It was made up of five interwoven stories of the dreams, aspirations and the unexpressed desires of women. A few minutes into the play, the stage, the lights and the audience all melted away. Only the actors on stage remained. They were like people who lived next door!... Written by Akila Kannadasan for The Hindu. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Wed, 22 Jun 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10102/1/Miro-Gavran-Croatian-playwright-with-four-premiers-in-April-of-2011.html Miro Gavran had premieres in San Pedro, Prague, Moscow and Osijek. "My Wife's Husband" is a long play, to be sure. You'll notice that when you leave the Little Fish Theatre playhouse after 10:30 at night, checking your cell phone or watch and wondering where all the time has gone. You won't notice it until then, though, because Miro Gavran doesn't give you time to notice - from the moment the play begins right up to its final hilarious (and inconclusive) ending. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Thu, 14 Apr 2011 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/10004/1/Marija-Miletic-Dail-and-her-animated-film-PIXELTOWN.html Marija Miletiæ Dail created a very interesting animated film PIXELTOWN. It is based on her book Pixletown - The World Found, issued by PublishAmerica in 2005. Pixletown is where a whole world existed, and even thrived, undiscovered for eons, until this last century, when the vehicle had been invented to bring it to our attention. That vehicle was the computer. Marija was born in Zagreb, Croatia, where her animation carreer had started. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Mon, 09 Aug 2010 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9815/1/Dr-Ante-Simonic-and-Dr-Zlatko-Matesa-captains-of-two-Chinese-football-teams.html Dr. Ante Simoniæ, ambassador of the Republic of Croatia, and Dr. Zlatko Mate¹a, head of the Croatian Olympic Committee, had the honor to be captains of two teams dressed in well known Croatian sports dresses. One team was composed of members of China Radio International Program in Croatian language, and another of former Chinese students of Croatian language in Bejing, plus Dr. Simoniæ and Dr. Mate¹a as captains. Dr. Simoniæ on the photo. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Wed, 17 Jun 2009 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9791/1/Marija-Miletic-Dail-Croatian-artist-in-the-USA-and-her-animation-cottage.html Marija Miletiæ Dail is director, producer, animator and filmmaker, working in the USA, born in Croatia. She won the Best of Animation Award in 1974 at the International Film Festival in Switzerland for the film "Why Not?", the Presidential Award in 1992 for the environmental film "Think Earth", and lectured on animation at UCLA, LACC, and Cal Arts. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Fri, 15 May 2009 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9789/1/Croatian-one-minute-film-festival-in-Pozega-May-29-30-2009.html The festival jury in Po¾ega has received 454 films from 43 countries worldwide. Sixty films were chosen for the official programme, to be shown on May 29-30 2009. This is already 17th annual festival with a high international reputation. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Sun, 10 May 2009 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9777/1/Odjeb-je-lansiran-uspjeno.html   letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 09 May 2009 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9729/1/Worlds-Longest-Sausage-Made-In-Vinkovci-Croatia.html On Saturday February 14, 2009 Croatians in Vinkovci cooked up what they claim to be the world's largest sausage, measuring 530 metres or 1,738 feet. Organisers said the sausage was the world's largest and could feed as many as 3,000 people, but adding it was merely "training" for next year when they plan to produce a sausage measuring 1,000 metres. For Valentine. No comments. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 15 Feb 2009 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9642/1/Benedictine-nuns-buy-shares-in-Croatian-soccer-club.html A group of Croatian Benedictine nuns have bought shares in a leading Croatian soccer club, the Vecerni List paper said on Wednesday. The 19 nuns, from a convent located some 150 km (93 miles) away from the coastal city of Zadar, bought 50 shares worth around $4,500 in Hajduk Split, the nine time champions of Croatia. mocnaj@gmail.com (Ratimir Mocnaj) Thu, 23 Oct 2008 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9492/1/Joe-Magarac-a-legendary-Croatian-steel-worker-in-the-USA.html Joe Magarac is a well known name in the USA. His name, aparently nonamerican, has without any doubt Croatian roots. Its meaninig is simply - donkey. The name of "magarac" is also a synonim of hard work, endurance and obstinacy in Croatian. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Tue, 18 Mar 2008 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9305/1/Croatian-American-Dennis-Kucinich-on-Colbert-Report-TONIGHT-Oct-15-16-2007.html Stephen Colbert talked about Dennis Kucinich on his show - made Dennis sound smart and funny and dedicated, which of course he is. Colbert challenged Dennis to appear on his show. Dennis accepts challenge tonight... I can't wait!  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 15 Oct 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9236/1/On-Ageing---As-you-get-older-it-is-easier-to-be-positive.html violicalvert@optusnet.com.au (Violi Calvert) Tue, 28 Aug 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9198/1/We-learn-from-others---Ueimo-od-drugih-The-most-amazing-Video.html letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 08 Aug 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9187/1/A-woman-gets-pulled-over-for-speeding.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 03 Aug 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9160/1/A-Thousand-Leaps-of-Faith-in-Zadar-Croatia---World-Record.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 27 Jul 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9141/1/Jednog-je-dana-seljakov-magarac-pao-u-bunar.html smahac@yahoo.com (Sanja Mahaæ) Thu, 12 Jul 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9104/1/Thinking-now-for-the-7th-Generation.html    stecak@sbcglobal.net (Marko Puljiæ) Thu, 28 Jun 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9084/1/A-must-have-in-every-womans-collection.html     smahac@yahoo.com (Sanja Mahaæ) Wed, 20 Jun 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8966/1/Other-Friends-Versus-Croatian-Friends.html    MirRasich@aol.com (Mirjana Rasic) Thu, 01 Mar 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8948/1/Croatian-Rubiks-Cube---Almost-There.html     Ivobach2@aol.com (Ivo Bach) Sat, 17 Feb 2007 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8870/1/The-Husband-Store.html     Diamonds2nyc@aol.com (John F. Kennedy) Sat, 16 Dec 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8827/1/Never-doubt-that-a-small-group-of-thoughtful-committed-citizens-can-change-the-world-Indeed-it-is-the-only-thing-that-ever-has.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Nov 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8793/1/Brain-cells-come-and-brain-cells-go-but-fat-cells-live-forever.html     franjo@adnc.com (Franjo Rado¹eviæ) Wed, 08 Nov 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8632/1/What-old-people-do-for-fun.html         Ivobach2@aol.com (Ivo Bach) Tue, 29 Aug 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8630/1/TIME-GETS-BETTER-WITH-AGE.html I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52 I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53 JamminWithGsus@aol.com (Edward Luisi) Sun, 27 Aug 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8604/1/Smart-Nuns.html Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the baseball game...  inazec17@aol.com (Ina Zec) Fri, 11 Aug 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8598/1/E-I-was-married-by-a-judge-I-should-have-asked-for-a-jury.html  I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."                                                                                                                        -- Eleanor Roosevelt     aquarius5449@yahoo.com (Ana Zappia) Tue, 18 Jul 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8543/1/E-Men-Are-Just-Happier-People.html Men Are Just Happier People Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 10 Jul 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8542/1/H-Slovensko-Hrvatski-odnosi-na-moru.html Slovensko Hrvatski odnosi na moru   letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 08 Jul 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8541/1/E-Two-guys.html Two guys Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence; I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 07 Jul 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8539/1/E-Two-Pots.html Two Pots An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 14 Jun 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8538/1/E-Have-you-ever-been-guilty-of-looking-at-others-your-own-age.html AGING   Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you are gonna love this one. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?? When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he??? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended MorganParkHigh School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1959. Why do you ask?" He answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. Then that ugly, old wrinkled son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach? letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 14 Jun 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8540/1/EH-Funny-Commercials-for-the-Soccer-World-Cup-2006.html Croatia - Funny Commercials for the World Cup 2006   http://www.croatia.org/crown/oldphotos/nogomet_mihrvati.mpg   http://www.croatia.org/crown/oldphotos/nogomet_pogledajtesemafor.mpg   http://www.croatia.org/crown/oldphotos/nogomet_idemodalje.mpg   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oESUiEx5Hc Australac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM2VGZHm0B0 Japanac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvF_cvF2tE8 Brazilac letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 13 Jun 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6369/1/E-Aging.html AGINGHave you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you are gonna love this one.I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then??When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought.This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he???After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended MorganParkHigh School."Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride."When did you graduate?" I asked."1959. Why do you ask?" He answered."Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.Then that ugly, old wrinkled son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?" letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 16 May 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6368/1/E-A-little-of-History---Its-raining-cats-and-dogs.html ÂLife in the 1500's The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500's: These are interesting... Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had theprivilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings couldmess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor" The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold." (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. I'mbibers Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone- house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer." And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring ! ! !  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 16 May 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6371/1/E-Bird-Flu.html ÂBird Flu letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 22 Mar 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6370/1/E-The-Love-you-take-is-equal-to-the-love-you-make.html ÂThe love you take is equal to the love you makehttp://marketplace.espeakers.com/movie.php?sid=5290&aid=10558 http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4776181634656145640 Chris Blisschrisbliss@pobox.com letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 22 Mar 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6372/1/E-And-you-thought-you-can-park-the-car-A-Vi-mislili-da-znate-.html ÂAnd you thought you can park the carA Vi ste mislili da dobro parkirateÂParking 1ÂÂParking 2ÂÂParking 3 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 08 Mar 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6373/1/E-Ever-been-so-tired-.html ÂEver been so tired ? letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 12 Feb 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6374/1/E-Darkness-does-not-exist.html ÂDid God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!""God created everything?" The professor asked."Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition.. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?""Of course", replied the professor.The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?""What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"The other students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"The professor responded, "Of course it does."The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."The professor sat down.The young man's name -- Albert Einstein letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 22 Jan 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6375/1/E-The-Cookies.html ÂThe CookiesAt an airport one night With several long hours Before her flight. She hunted for a book In an airport shop, Bought a bag of cookies And found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book But happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, As bold as could be, Grabbed a cookie or two From the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore To avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies And watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief Diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated As the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, He took one too, When only one was left, She wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, And a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie And broke it in half. He offered her half, As he ate the other, She snatched it from him And thought....ooh, brother! This guy had some nerve And he's also rude, Why he didn't even show Any gratitude! She had never known When she'd been so galled, And sighed with relief When her flight was called. She gathered her belongings And headed to the gate, Refusing to look back At the thieving ingrate. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 03 Jan 2006 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6376/1/E-Happiness-is-something-you-decide-on-ahead-of-time.html ÂHappiness is something you decide on ahead of time92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed eachmorning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coiffed and shavedperfectly applied, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursinghome today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the movenecessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of thenursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visualdescription of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had beenhung on his window."I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old havingjust been presented with a new puppy."Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.""That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied."Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like myroom or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how Iarrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I makeevery morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bedrecounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longerwork, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new dayand all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in mylife.Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bankaccount of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. Iam still depositing."Remember the five simplerules to be happy:1. Free your heart from hatred.2. Free your mind from worries.3. Live simply.4. Give more.5. Expect less. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 07 Aug 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6377/1/E-I-WANT-WIN-TO-CRO-ABOUT.html I WANT WIN TO CRO ABOUTÂBy Daily RecordDADO PRSO admits he will be ridiculed by his countrymen if Rangers lose to Dinamo Zagreb in the early hours of tomorrow morning.Alex McLeish's men take on the Croatian side in Toronto's Roger Centre with a 00.30 BST kick-off.Prso started his professional career with Zagreb's rivals Hajduk Split.And although tomorrow's match is a friendly, he admits the people back in his homeland would have a field day if Rangers lost.The striker said: 'Hajduk Split and Dinamo Zagreb are big rivals, although not as big as Rangers and Celtic. I don't want to lose the game because the newspapers in Croatia will have a go at me.'They will say Rangers aren't good enough so I want to show them.'They are going to be more prepared than us. I was on holiday in Croatia and they had already started training 'They are going to be better physically than us. But although I don't want to lose, it's a friendly game and we won't be taking it that seriously.http://icscotland.icnetwork.co.uk/spl/rangers/tm_objectid=15726684&method=full&siteid=50141&headline=i-want-win-to-cro-about--name_page.html  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 18 Jul 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6378/1/E-Move-ya-sexy-ass-donkey.html ÂRandy donkey was a real pain in the ass... July 02 2005 at 01:18PM Zagreb - A randy donkey has been banished to a deserted island after harassing female donkeys at a Croatian national park. Aga the donkey used to badger his favourite females for sex as much as 16 times a day. Park officials acted after tourists complained that whenever they visited the park all the donkey seemed to be doing was trying to have sex.They also complained that the other donkeys were no longer so friendly and spent all their time hiding from Aga. The herd of wild donkeys had, until recently, been a major attraction for tourists in the popular Telascica National Park in southern Croatia. Park officials say the rest of the herd seems happier and healthier since Aga was caught and shipped off to the deserted island of Dugi Otok.A spokesperson for the national park said Aga had plenty of food and water on the island, and would be kept there until he "calmed down". The spokesperson said: "The other donkeys in the park were hiding to avoid Aga and that meant they were not mixing with the tourists. But now that Aga has gone they have come out of hiding and are happily mixing with the visitors again." - Ananova.com ÂOp-edNow, if Croatian donkey can do that, you can just imagine what can Croatian man do?.. and if someone calls you donkey ...again, do not get offended. Take it as an compliment or just go to a deserted island, before they ship you there. Dugi is better than Goli.nbhttp://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol1120222595615A551Move ya sexy ass, donkey A SEX-mad donkey has been banished to a deserted island after bonking females in a national park SIXTEEN times a day. Wardens said randy Aga’s antics had offended visitors and driven nervous members of his wild herd into hiding.But they claim the donkeys have now recovered. A spokesman at Croatia’s Telascica National Park said: “With Aga gone, they’ve come out of hiding and are mixing with visitors again.”http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005300263,00.html  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 05 Jul 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6380/1/E-Elaborate-funeral.html ÂElaborate funeralIt's Monday again, out of numerous email messages since Friday, I thought to share this one. Have a good, safe week and a chuckle or two! MariaA cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral - - I'm a gynecologist." And That's when the proctologist faintedâ..  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6379/1/E-Where-Do-You-Find-a-Dog-With-No-Legs-.html ÂWhere Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A RedneckMurder 1. All the DNA is the same.2. There are no dental records.How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wifebefore we got married, Did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm notsure, What was her maiden name?"A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad, where did I get all of my intelligence?"The father replied. "Well son, you must have gotten it fromyour mother, cause I still have mine""Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case verycarefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decidedto give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, yourhonor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll tryto send her a few bucks myself,"A doctor examined a woman, took the husbandaside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife atall." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a greatcook and really good with the kids."Two Mexican detectives were investigating themurder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked onedetective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied."A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?""I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."This guy has been sitting in a bar all night,staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's everseen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so hewalks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" Theyoung woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you couldstart by buying me a drink."A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse askshim how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like thefour-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered."What did he say," asked the nurse."OOPS! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Jun 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6381/1/EHSG-and-to-the-elected-Miss-I-wish-a-lot-success-in-further-beauty.html ÂÂ...and to the elected Miss I wish a lot success in further beauty ÂÂ"Ustani bane,- hitno je!"Zvonimir Drvar:Planet Zemlja,-Svemirska Ludnica,najgluplji Planet u najglupljoj Galaksiji?!Â*ÂPlanet Earth,-The Madhouse of the Universe,the dummiest Planet in the dummiest Galaxy?! *ÂLa planeta tierra,el manicÃnio,hospital mental del universo,el mas stupido de los planetas en la galaxia mas estupida?! * Der Planet Erde,-Irrenhaus des Weltalls,am dumesten Planet in am dummesten Galaxie?!Gdje progres i civilizacija prođu,-tu trava ne raste.* Whereever Progress crosses over the grass wonât crop up anymore.* ÂDonde el progreso paso,el pasto no crece. * Wo der Fortschritt hintritt,wÃchst kein Gras mehr. * La dove il progresso e la civiltagrave,sono passati,-non cresce piugrave,l'erba.Bližnjega je zabranjeno jedino jesti... * The nearers? Itâs banned only to eat them.Â* Al projimo es strictamente prohibido solamente comer. * Es ist verboten,den NÃchsten nur zu essen...Tako su blesavi,da im se s puta sklanjaju i pružna,Åinska vozila. * He is so stupid,that the vehicles on the rails move away from him. * ÂLa gente està tan estupida que inclusive los medios de locomocion con las vias los escivan. (El hombre es tan estÃpido que incluso esquiva los trenes de ferrocariles.)Â* Er ist so dumm,dass ihm sogar Schienenfahrzeuge aus dem Weg gehen. * à cosi grave, sciocco,che quando passa gli fanno posto anche i veicoli sulle rotaie. Najbolji dokaz da je muÅkarac gluplji od žene,jest to Åto se ženi. * The best proof that a man is duller than a woman is that he gets married. * El ejemplo mas claro de que macho es mas estupido que la mujer,es el hecho que se casa. * Die beste Bewis dafÃr,daà der Mann dÃmmer ist als die Frau ist der,daà er heiratet. * ÂLa miglior prova che lâuomo sia pià stupido della donna,à che il fatto che si sposa.Nije istina da je čovjek postao od majmuna.Od dva. * Ofcourse,itâs not true that man became from a monkey.From two. * No es cierto que el hombre desciende del mono.De dos. * NatÃrlich, es ist nicht Wahr daà der Mensch vom Affe geworden. Vom zwei.Â* Non à vero che lâuomo provenga dalla scimmia.Da due scimmie. Na prve krÅćane,-lavove,a na preostale,-inkasatore. * Against first christians,-lions,against remaining,-collectors of accounts,bills collectors,tax-collectors,... * An die erste Christen,-die LÃwen,an Ãberbleibenden,-die Steuerneinziehers. * A los primeros cristianos,-los leones,a todos los demas,-los incasadores.* Contro gli primi cristiani,-gli leoni,contro gli sopravanzi,-esattori,collectori,tassattori,percettori,...Pazite da vam (eventualno) poÅtenje ne prijeđe u naviku! * Be careful that (eventual) honesty doesnât grow into your habit! * Tengan mucho cuidado que su eventual honestidad nos se le pase en cronico. * Achtung! (Eventuell) Ehrlichkeit kann zur Gewohnkeit werden! * Far attenzione que (eventuale) onesta` ne ha preso l'abitudine.Normalizacija odnosa:Nakon privremenog zastoja,stanari, susjedi su se opet počeli svadjati,vrijeđati i tući. * ÂNormalisation of communication:After a temporary interruption,tenants, neighbours started again to quarrel,insult,beat,strike,trash, batter,belabour,whip,cudgel,kick,pummel,...* La normalizacion de las relaciones:Des pues de un breve lapso de tranquilidad,los vecino en pezar nuovamente a pelear,ofenderse mutuamente hasta llegaron ala pelea verdadera.Â* Normalisierung der VerhÃltnisse: Nach eine kurzen Unterbrechung begannen die Mieter wieder zu streiten."...a izabranoj Miss,želim puno uspjeha u daljnjoj ljepoti." * "...and to the elected Miss I wish a lot success in further beauty."Â* "...und zu auswÃhlende Miss' wir wÃnschen ihr viel Erfolg in weitere SchÃnheit."Â* "...e a la Miss eletta noi desideramo molti successi in bellezza futura." * "...y a la Miss elegida le deseamos mucha suerte en la belleza futura." *ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂPrekinuo je s njome sve odnose,osim seksualnih.Â* ÂHediscontinued every kind of relationship with her,except the sexual.Â*ÂRompio todas las relaciones con ella menos los sexuales. * Er abbrechte alle Verhandlungen mit ihr auÃer sexue'll. * Lui sospe`ndo,rÃmpero tutti le relazioni con ella all' infuori di sessuali.Susjedi su u zadnje vrijeme prema meni jako ljubezni. Nekog vraga mi spremaju!Â* My neighbour has been very nice to me in last few days.Who knows what the hell heâs preparing to me?!Â* Ultimamente mi vecino està muy amable;estarà preparÃndome alguna macana.Â* Mein Nachbar ist in letzter Zeit so nett zu mir.Der will etwas! * I vicini di casa sono molto cordiali con me nell'ultimo periodo.Mi staranno preparando qualcosa.Dok ostali pisci prate Åto se događa,ja pažljivo pratim Åto se NE događa...Â* While the other writers follow what happens,I carefully watch what does not happen... * WÃhrend die Ãbrigen Schriftstellers folgen was geschehet,ich folge was geht da NICHT vor! *ÂMientras los demas escritores observan lo que està succediendo yo observo atentamente lo que NO està succediendo... *ÂMentre restante scrittori suguirano que successe,io attentamente considero lo que NO successe. Ratove ne uzrokuju oni,koji nemaju niti za kruh,nego kreature,koje se tuku za kolače i torte. * ÂThe wars do not create the people which have not even for a bread,but creatures who beat,strike,thrash,batter,belabour,whip,kick for layer-cakes,pastries,sweet courses,... * Las guerras no empiecan los que no tienen ni para el pan,si no las creaturas,que se pelean por las tortas y los dulces. * Le guerre no cominciano quegli chi sono sprovvisti anzi per un tozzo di pane,ma le creature quale se zuffano per ciambelloni e torte. Inače bivÅa članica "Hitlerjugenda" Helga,kasnije Lenjinka Staljinović-Marksović,-preÅla u demokratsku stranku i sada se,bez obzira na ogromne stečene imovine,doduÅe za vrhunsku plaću, izvanredne prihode i mirovinu,u Europskoj uniji i Ujedinjenim nacijama zauzima da u neku od svjetskih institucija plasira,"ugura" svoju kćer,pa i za globalizaciju. * La ex partidaria de "Juventud Hitleriana" Helga,despues llamada Lenjinca Staljinović-Marksović,apasado al partido democratico y ahora,no importa la cantidad de los bienes adquiridos,por casualidad cobrando el su elao mas alto,en la Union Europea y Naciones Unidas ahora se adeclarado la partidaria de la globalizacion.ÂAko tako nastavi,-i domaće jabuke će biti prisiljene jesti uvozno voće. * If so go on,-even native,home-made apples will be forced to eat imported fruit. * Si seguinos asi,asta la mansana nuestras de beran comer importadas. * Wenn aber so fortfÃhrt,die heimische Apfels will einen Zwang ausÃben die Einfuhrobst zu fressen. * Si continua cosi,le frutte dome`stice devono forzate mangiare le frutte importate.Kako god ga bacili,on se dočekao na leđa. * ÂNo matter how they throw him,he would always fall on his back.Â* No importa como lo echen;Ãl caerà siempre sobre la espalda. * Wie und wohin man ihn warf,immer fiel er auf die Nase (den RÃcken) * Inqualsiasi modo lo buttano,cade sempre sulle spalle.BaÅnajpliće rupe će se uvijek i svagdje držati najozbiljnije i pretvarati se da su najdublje-zamiÅljene. * Just,precisely the most shallow holes will always,ever behaviour serious,grave,earnest and pretend like they are extremely deep in thoughts.Â* Que casualidad,los agujeros a penas visibles se portÃran como si fueran creadas para profundidad mas grande.Â* Proprio superficialitissime bugiga`ttole spacciarsi per,quasi che sono immersissime nei pensieri. IZBORI Uvijek nove bebe ali izgleda da se pelene nikada ne mijenjaju. RATNE PRIČE Poslije svih ratova,oni,koji nisu u ratu učestvovali,osnivaju dugoročno najokrutnije,inkasator-bojne,kamatarske pukovnije, ovrhovoditeljske divizije. Ako je njihovo svekoliko djelovanje 99% loÅe,a 1% dobro,političari kažu:učinak je dijelom loÅ,a dijelom dobar. Ako vas bilo koji činovničić "uhvati na zub" vi si točno možete,sa svim svojim pravima i dokumentima,rit obrisat. U životu sve se mijenja,osim inkasatora,inkasatori su vječni. Svakog milenija jedno te isto!ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂI besmrtnici moraju proći pogrebne formalnosti.Â* ÂThe immortals have also to go through the funeral formalities. *ÂÂHasta los immortales tienen que pasar por las formalidades del entierro. * ÂAuch die Unsterblichen mÃssen die BegrÃbnisformalitÃten durclaufen.ÂÂÂ* Pure gli immoriali devono passare per la formalità funebri. ÂOmladino,mladeži,tinejdžeri cijeloga Planeta!Jednoga dana će čitav ovaj kretenski svijet biti vaÅ! * Juventad de todo el globo! AlgÃn dÃa todo este mundo cretino serà suyo! * Jugend dieses ganzen Planeten!Eines schÃnen Tages wird diese ganze blÃdsinnige Welt Dir GehÃren!Snovi nam se ispunjavaju.Ružni. * Our dreames realized.The ugly ones. Â*ÂUnsere Traumen sind in ErfÃllung gegangen.Abscheu'liche. * Nostri sogni sono realizzati.Tutti.Brutti.âJasam Bog,doÅao sam ponovo među ljude!â€? âDobro,dobro, sjedi,tamo,u kut,i nemoj smetati.â€?Prolazimo kroz život kao sapunčići na toboganu.Kad neki političar ili diplomat u tren oka dobije nogom u dupe,to se stilizira ovako:â€?Posjet je bio kratak ali sadržajanâ€?. * When some politician or diplomat,visiting some state,in a jiffy "gets a leg in arse",official,diplomatic announcement is:"The visit was short but substantial".Â*ÂWann ein Poli'tiker oder Diploma't also im Augenblick der Fuà in Arsch kriegt,offiziell Bericht ist:"Der Besuch war kurz aber inhaltsreich." * Cuando un politico o diplomata de golpe recibe una patada en el traste esto,en el diario dice asi:"La entrevista fuà breve pero muy efectiva."Â* Quando un politico o diplomatico in un batter d'occhio riceve la gamba in deretano,vince un calcio in mappamondo,questo si deve stilizzare cosi:"La visita era corta me piena di senso." Nas muzu,-odozgo! *ÂThey exhaust us from above... * Nos ordeÃan desde arriba!Â* Wir werden gemolken,- von oben!Â* ÂCi muggono,-da sopra! (Noi siamo mungerati,-da sopra!)ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂSvi mi,izgleda,proizvodimo čekiće,kojima nas zatim odozgo lupaju po glavama. *ÂIt seems,-we all produce hammers and then with them they from above,from the top beat,knock,batter rap,strike,snap,thump,bang us in aour heads. * Mir scheint,wir alle produzieren HÃmmer,mit denen man uns dann von oben auf den Kopf schlÃgt. * Parece que noi tutti siamo solamente per fabbricare gli martelli,mazzuoli per lei,con quali in seguito lei batterano sulle nostre teste. Majmuni su manji. *ÂThe monkeys are smaller. Â*ÂLos monos son mas pequeÃosÂ* Die Affen sind kleiner. * Le scimmie sono pià piccole.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂSvaki početak je težak,ali ovaj bi mogao biti čak prelagan:kako bi mogao početi Posljednji Sud:na ovom blesavom planetu bi mogao početi jednostavno,čak banalno:vlasnici mačke,na susjede,zbog njihovog psa,bacili atomsku bombu.Europa:Glupača koja je otkrila Ameriku. * ÂEurope:A silly goose which discovered America. * Europa: Der Idiot,der Amerika entdeckt hat.Â* Europa:La estÃpida,la que descubrià AmÃrica. * Europa:Una stupida che ha scoperto lâAmerica. Stanje na planetu:Već su potpuno razočarani i jednodnevni pilići.OtiÅao je zalupivÅi prozorom...*ÂHe went,and shut window behind him. * Aquel se fue estrellando la ventana...ÂÂ* Er ging und schlug das Fenster hinter sich zu.Â* Se n'egrave,andato sbattendo la finestra................................................................................ÂGornji tekst je informativni segment iz nove neobjavljene knjige: PRELUDIJ PO MERIDIJANIMA I PARALELAMA ( AKUPUNKTURA PLANETA ) ( EKSKLUZIVNO ZA PAMETNE ) Budući da knjiga ima 170 stranica (A-4) prezentirao sam vam tek mali dio.Knjiga je sinkrono prevedena na engleski,Åpanjolski,njemački i talijanski. Hrvatske i "regionalne" teme ravnopravne su općeljudskim. Naslov toga bloka,zajednički nazivnik,može biti,recimo: ÂÂ"Ustani bane,- hitno je!"Objavljene knjige:ÂÂZA GIMNASTIKU GLAVE ÂÂÂÂEKSKLUZIVNO ZA PAMETNEÂATOMSKA BOMBA NA RAŽNJU ROMAN NAD ROMANIMA Planet zemlja - Svemirska ludnicaPEPELJUGAÂnasmijane misli PLANET ZEMLJA,-NAJGLUPLJI PLANET U NAJGLUPLJOJ GALAKSIJI ?! (ROMAN O SVEMU) ( ! )  -o-Zvonimir Drvar*:Najkraći mogući segment Curriculuma vitae:Studiji:Povijest i povijest umjetnosti (Filozofski fakultet) zatim Akademija za kazaliÅte,film i TV (odsjek režija,Gavella). Urednik, dramaturg i redatelj na HRT (Radio).Bezbroj objavljenih radova (u cca 120 redakcija!).Vlastiti,individualni časopis "Humor". Devet objavljenih knjiga,u Ânakladama i do 15.000 (čak i u ona vremena kad su najveće naklade bile 5.000 primjeraka) (Hrvatska ima 4,5 miliona stanovnika,Åto bi za zemlju,recimo,od 45 miliona bio ekvivalent 150.000 primjeraka).Stotinjak recenzija.Desetak nagrada (recimo,Gustav Krklec, zatim Ranko Marinković (svojevremena preporuka za članstvo u DruÅtvu hrvatskih književnika,jedne od najstarijih takvih asocijacija u Europi) ili Nobelovac Ivo Andrić (svojevremeno predsjednik žirija nagrade "Oslobođenje",Sarajevo) ili,pravome piscu najvrjednije,a pravome uredniku,nakladniku, poslovnome čovjeku,čitatelju dragocjena informacija,-autor je dobio viÅe tisuća (!) pisama čitatelja,...Podaci o autoru:u antologiji humora u hrvatskoj književnosti: "Od doseljenja Hrvata ..."(Zagreb 1975.) u "Hrvatskom biografskom leksikonu" (Leksikografski zavod "Miroslav Krleža",Zagreb 1993.) u "Leksikonu članova DruÅtva hrvatskih književnika" ("Riječ",Vinkovci 1999.) zatim u "Antologiji hrvatskoga humora" (2002.) u "Hrvatskom aforističkom zborniku",kao prilozi uz suradnju "O autoru" u većini od 120 redakcija... ÂÂÂÂ-o- Autor je nedavno dobio poziv od Bertelsmanna (Verlagsgruppe Random House) najvećeg izdavača na planetu.Najveći imaju smisao za humor,satiru.Naravno da bih bio sretan naći hrvatsko uredniÅtvo novina i časopisa,hrvatskoga izdavača.Sehr geehrter Herr Drvar,vielen Dank fÃr Ihre E-Mail und Ihr Interesse am Hause Bertelsmann. Wenn Sie ein Manuskript einreichen mÃchten,schicken Sie bitte nur ein ExposÃ,eine Inhaltsangabe oder ein reprÃsentatives Kapitel Ihrer Arbeit in Papierform (Kopie!) Ich hoffe, Ihnen damit geholfen zu haben und verbleibe mit freundlichen GrÃÃen Sonja Heine UnternehmenskommunikationBertelsmann AGÂÂÂÂZvonimir DrvarSchrottova 910 000 ZagrebHrvatska tel.:385-01-46 83 123e-mail: zvonimir.drvar@zg.htnet.hr letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 09 May 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6382/1/EH-Freedom-of-speach-Sloboda-govora-ne-dopusta.html ÂFreedom of speech doesn't allow anyone to scream "FIRE" in a crowded theatre.ÂSloboda govora ne dopusta nikome da vice "VATRA" u punom kazalistu. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 21 Apr 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6384/1/E-MacShane-calls-French-cretins-or-worse-may-be-taken-to-court.html ÂMacShane calls French "cretins" or worse may be taken to courtDenis MacShane, a man held in low regard everywherebut in Croatia (Croats think he is important - no,really) has just called the French "cretins" or"assholes" depending on translation. Macshane speaksFrench fluently, and called the French euro-sceptics"neo-cons" which in French - apparently - amusinglytranslates int really a very rude insult, and MacShaneknew it.A French MP is - I am not joking - threatening to take him to court.You can amuse yourselves by watching the news story onthe BBC's Newsnight. Link below, it's about 26-7minutes in. http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsa/n5ctrl/tvseq/newsnight/newsnight.ram Perhaps someone should inform the Croatian media?Brian letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 30 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6383/1/E-APRIL-FOOLS-DAY.html ÂAPRIL FOOLâS DAY!By Katarina TepeshAward winning author, Josip Novakovich, recently wrote âAPRIL FOOLâS DAYâ€? book, a political satire and a parody of war from the former-Yugoslavia. Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring. The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1. However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd and rebels, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the New Year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "foolâs errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes. This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families. Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!" April Fool's Day is a "for-fun-only" observance. Sometimes, even the government and news media gets involved.For example, a performance artist, Joe Skaggs is responsible for several ânewâ€? businesses such as the Bad Guys Talent Management Agency, Brooklyn Bridge Lottery, the Hippie Bus Tour of Queens, etc. Skaggs finally received a subpoena from the Attorney General's office. At this time Skaggs had to reveal that the new business was a hoax. Skaggs also masterminded the famous New York City 16th Annual April Fools' Day Parade along 59th Street and Fifth Avenue. The parade was supposed to be led by the Marching Los Alamos Forest Rangers, who will be back burning trash in an attempt to stave off accidental flash fires. CNN and Fox News showed up to cover the event, but of course, no one was there.You Know What They Say About Fools...Looking foolish does the spirit good. -- John Updike A fool must now and then be right by chance. -- Cowper It is better to be a fool than to be dead. -- Stevenson The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. -- Mark Twain Helping the Humor-ImpairedWhen we are caught up in the vortex of life's challenges and hardships, it's not always easy to stop and lighten up once in a while. Remind yourself to have fun. When the going gets tough, just repeat to yourself, "It's OK to be foolish on occasion."The Benefits of LaughterEveryone enjoys a good hearty laugh. It makes us feel good, and that good feeling can stay with us even after the laughter subsides. Laughter helps us see that small things are not the earth-shaking events they sometimes seem to be. It enables us to look at a problem from a different point of view, make it seem less serious, and realize opportunities for increased objectivity and insight.Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. It binds us together, lightens our burdens and helps us keep things in perspective. Our work, marriage and family all need humor, celebrations, play and ritual as much as record-keeping and problem-solving. We should ask the questions "Do we laugh together?" as well as "Can we get through this hardship together?" Laughter can help us see the silver lining instead of just storm clouds.Humor unites us, especially when we laugh together. One of the things that divide humans is the energy we put into coping with life's problems or concentrating each other's limitations. Our friends and neighbors are not perfect, and neither is our marriage or family life. When we laugh together, it can bind us closer together instead of putting us in opposite camps.Humor is an effective way to relieve stress. Laughter leads to a cathartic release of emotion, can help to release pent-up feelings of anger and frustration in a socially acceptable way, and is often followed by a state of relaxation and a feeling of reduced tension. Aside from the psychological benefits, laughter affects the body in a number of positive ways as well. Laughter releases natural chemicals in the body that create a feeling of pleasure and have a pain-relieving effect.Laughter heals. Laughter activates the chemistry of the will to live and increases our capacity to fight disease. The chest expands when laughing, respiration increases and forces exhausted air from the lungs. Laughing relaxes the body and problems associated with high blood pressure, strokes, arthritis, ulcers and heart disease are sometimes, reduced.To laugh or not to laugh is your choice.**** letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 28 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6385/1/E-HMO-Recommends.html ÂHMO RecommendsMr. Jones goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.The insurance clerk says to him, "I'm sorry, sir,but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Jones were sent at the same time and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, the situation is either bad or terrible!" "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Jones tested positive for Alzheimer's and the otherMrs. Jones has tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your wife is." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?""Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and theywon't pay for these expensive tests more than once in a year, so we can't repeat the test until next year.""Well, what am I supposed to do now?""The HMO recommends that you drop your wife offon the outskirts of town........ If she remembers the way home, don't sleep with her."  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 27 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6386/1/H-Nadjen-Gotovina.html ÂNadjen Gotovina letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 21 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6387/1/E-Courage-is-not-the-absence-of-fear.html ÂCourage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.Ambrose Redmoon  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 11 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6388/1/E-Croatia-president-gets-stolen-painting-as-gift.html ÂCroatia president gets stolen painting as giftFri Mar 11, 2005 08:41 AM ET ZAGREB (Reuters) - When Croatian President Stjepan Mesic received a painting from two prominent Roma, he was happy to have his picture taken, but when it appeared in the press, the painter recognized it as one of hers that had been stolen. The shock sent painter Slavica Medjeri to hospital with an acute heart condition, the Vecernji List daily said on Friday, but Mesic's office told her not to worry. "If the painting was stolen, it will be returned to the owner. The president accepts a lot of presents in good faith," it said in a statement to the daily. The painting was one of eight of Medjeri's works stolen from an exhibition last year. Roma representative and poet Kasum Cana, who presented the painting, said he had received it as a gift last year. "I had no reason to think it was stolen," he said. http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?storyID=7878230&type=entertainmentNews letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 10 Mar 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6389/1/E-Love-Senior-Citizens-.html ÂLove Senior Citizens!A college student at a recent USC football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and uh.."Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. You little twit! What the hell are you doing for the next generation??" letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 13 Jan 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6390/1/E-Compassion-is.html ÂCompassion is not something one person has foranother, but rather something that arises when onebegins to see all others as ones own self.-Amma letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 02 Jan 2005 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6391/1/E-Installing-Love.html ÂFEATURE: Installing LoveTech Support: Yes?... How can I help you?Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.Can you guide me through the process?Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What doI do first?Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you locatedyour Heart?Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running. Is it okayto install Love while they are running?Tech Support: What programs are running?Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge andResentment running also.Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually delete Past Hurt fromyour current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory,but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventuallyoverride Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called HighSelf-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge andResentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.Can you turn those off?Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invokeForgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge andResentment have been completely deleted.Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is thatnormal?Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get theupgrades.Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Code 37943- Program not run on external components". What should I do?Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up torun on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. Innon-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself beforeyou can Love others.Customer: So, what should I do?Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the followingfiles: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge YourLimitations.Customer: Okay, done.Tech Support: OK, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The systemwill overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faultyprogramming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from alldirectories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completelygone and won*t come back.Customer: Got it. Hey! My Heart is filling up with new files Smile isplaying on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselvesall over my Heart. Is this normal?Tech Support: Sometimes. For others, it takes awhile, but eventuallygets it at the proper time. So, Love is installed and running. One morething before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it'scomponents to everyone you meet. They will in turn, share it withothers and return some cool components back to you.Customer: Thank you. Everything seems to be working much better!(Author Unknown)Millie Hernandez-PulsoneISO DirectorMaryknoll Sisters100 Ryder RoadMaryknoll, NY 10545-0311(914) 941-0783 ext:5625mpulsone@mksisters.org letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 15 Dec 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6392/1/E-Home-Computer-prediction-50-years-ago.html ÂÂHome Computer prediction 50 years ago letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 07 Dec 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6393/1/E-Deer-wishing.html ÂDeer wishing ÂTurn your speakers on. Ukljucite zvucnike. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 26 Nov 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6394/1/E-Laughter-is-best-defense-against-bungling-robber.html ÂLaughter is best defense against bungling robberÂZAGREB,Croatia (AP) -- A bank clerk didn't need a weapon to ward off a would-be robber. When the masked man pulled out a gun, she just laughed in his face. The suspect was so humiliated he ran away. The bungled holdup occurred Thursday at a small bank on Zagreb's main square, police said. The 31-year-old clerk, identified only as Martina S., "laughed aloud" at the threat from the bandit because she knew she was protected by a bulletproof glass, said Gordana Vulama, a police spokeswoman.http://www.themonroetimes.com/01016rob.htm http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=6521185 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 03 Nov 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6395/1/E-Love-at-first-sight.html ÂLove at first sight A South African businessman is refusing to leave Croatia until he finds a girl who he spotted across a crowded bar.Keith Van Der Spuy has never even spoken to the girl but says she was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He has cancelled his flight home and taken out adverts in local newspapers in the port town of Split.Mr Van Der Spuy says he lost sight of the pretty young woman shortly after she smiled at him across the bar. But he's convinced she was a local because he heard her calling to a female friend shortly before he lost sight of her.Van Der Spuy, who is also the head of the South African water-polo association, said he could not get her out of his mind and when he got to the airport realized he could not board the plane. He has already extended his holiday for four months, and says he is prepared to stay in Split for as long as it takes.He told Croatian daily Slobodna Dalmacija: "I will not leave this place for years if I have to. When I saw her and she looked at me I knew she was the one. There was pure chemistry between us."I can't get her out of my head. I just want to meet her and see her long dark hair and beautiful smile again. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."If she is married or is not interested I can accept it - but I have to know - I have to see her one more time, and I have even bought a diamond ring for her."http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1137611.html  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 13 Oct 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6397/1/E-Opportunity-is-missed-by-most-people-because.html Â"Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work"- Thomas Edison letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 07 Oct 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6396/1/E-Nothing-worse-could-happen-to-one.html ÂNothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understoodÂ- Psychologist Carl Jung, 1875 - 1961  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 07 Oct 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6398/1/E-All-truth-passes-through-three-stages.html Â"All truth passes through three stages," Âsaid the German philosopher Schopenhauer. "First, it is ridiculed.Second, it is violently opposed.Third, it is accepted as self-evident." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 12 Aug 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6399/1/E-Klapa-Fivethreenal-is-exquisite.html ÂThe Victor Borge Website InflaterVictor Borge invented the inflationary language - you know, the one where numbers hidden in the language (like wonderful) become inflated (twoderful).You can use this page to "inflate" almost any website or text, just by filling out one of the fields below.URL: Text: Position for output watermark: Top Right Floating ÂKlapa Fivethreenal is exquisiteKlapa Fivethreenal: Fire on the Sea In the Dalmatian region, ancestral home of the Croatian peoples, there arose a twoderful singing tradition called Klapa. Originally, the young men of the region would hire all male singing groups to serenade the young women, in a strninegy to win their affections. As time has proceeded through the centhreeries, this purpose has been supplanted by regional competitions of these Klapas and the prestige of each town is enhanced by triumphant, glorious singers. The purpose of the Klapa modified over time, so did the repertoire which now includes historical and regional songs. In spite of the changes there remains a unique sweetness added to the robustness of the overall sound and which two normally associnines with other central European male choral traditions. That elevenor borne sweetness finds it's source in love and the historic antecedents of this singing style. Award winning, Klapa Fivethreenal was established in 1995 in Rijeka, Croatia to keep this tradition alive. A Croation Pop star, Nenad Bach, who lives in New York, rethreerned to his homeland to produce this debut recording. To the vast amazement and delight of this reviewer the second song, "Pismo Cali" was two five which a search of nearly a decade finally found success! This is two of the rare recordings of Klapa music to become widely available outside Croatia and lucky you are five Klapa Fivethreenal is exquisite!http://www.kor.dk/borge/inflate.php?url=http://www.singers.com%2Fworld.html&style=tophttp://kor.dk/borge/inflate.php Victor Borge was a genius! Getting the inflationary idea was brilliant, and the way he used it in his shows was no less so. Computers, however, are stupid. Nevertheless they are rather good at plagiarizing other's ideas, so please read the output of this program as another tribute to Borge's brilliance.Any link on an inflated page will be edited to also inflate the target page. Most website, including framesets, can be succesfully inflated, except that JavaScripts will be ignored so that pages depending on client scripting usually won't work too well (or at all). You can't expect the submission of forms to work either.The inflated page will be "watermarked" so as not to cause any confusion about the validity of numbers on the page. Choose your preferred marking style - the floating style uses JavaScript and currently does not work in Netscape 6 / Mozilla.  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 09 Aug 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6400/1/E-Promoting-the-dead-horse-to-a-supervisory-position.html ÂPromoting the dead horse to a supervisory position Tribal WisdomThe tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:1. Buying a stronger whip.2. Changing riders.3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increasedead horse's performance.10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders wouldimprove the dead horse's performance.11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed,it is less costly, carries lower overhead and thereforecontributes substantially more to the bottom line of theeconomy than do some other horses.12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.And of course my favorite...13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 30 Jul 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6401/1/E-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html ÂBetter Humor Than Tumor - Dr. Zarko Dolinar letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 07 Jul 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6402/1/E-Customer-Service.html CUSTOMER SERVICEThis has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for Termination without Cause.Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!):"Ridge Hall computer assistance; May I help you?""Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""What's a sea-prompt?""Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?""There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""What's a monitor?""It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.""Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?""I don't know.""Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?""Yes, I think so.""Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.""Yes, it is.""When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?""No.""Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.""Okay, here it is.""Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.""I can't reach.""Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?""No.""Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?""Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.""Dark?""Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.""Well, turn on the office light then.""I can't.""No? Why not?""Because there's a power failure.""A power............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now."Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?""Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.""Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.""Really? Is it that bad?""Yes, I'm afraid it is.""Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?""Tell them you're too f...ing stupid to own a computer!"ÂDragi prijatelji (Dear friends) Ovaj me je zbilja pogodio, to sam ja!This one really hit me, that's me! Zeljko (Frank) letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 14 Jun 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6403/1/E-Luckiest-man-alive-fears-to-tempt-fate.html Â"Luckiest man alive" fears to tempt fateÂThu Apr 29 2004A man who cheated death seven times, had four failed marriages and then won STG600,000 ($A1.47 million) with his first lottery ticket refused to tempt fate to begin a new career on Australian TV.Frano Selaks - dubbed the luckiest man in the world - refused to fly from his home in Croatia to Australia to film TV commercials for Doritos corn chips.Instead, an Australian crew flew to Zagreb to film 75-year-old Selaks, known as Lucky to his friends, who has survived seven serious accidents."I never had any accidents while travelling on a boat or a ship so I thought about going there that way but it would have taken a month and my wife would not want me to be away for that long," he said."I didn't want to risk another accident while I was travelling by air."Despite my refusal to travel there they still wanted me as the star."They wanted someone who could prove that being a winner wasn't all about luck."Selaks' first escape came in 1962 when a train travelling from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik jumped the rails and plunged into an icy river.Seventeen people drowned, but Selaks made it to the riverbank suffering hypothermia, shock, bruises and a broken arm.A year later, he was thrown out of a DC-8 plane between Zagreb and Rijeka when a door flew open. This time 19 people died but Selaks landed in a haystack and escaped with cuts, bruises and shock.In 1966, four passengers were killed when a bus in Split lurched into a river. Selaks swam to safety with cuts, bruises and even more shock.In 1970, his car caught fire and he leapt out seconds before the fuel tank exploded.Three years later, he lost most of his hair when a fuel pump spewed petrol over his car's engines and blew flames through the air vents.In 1995, he suffered minor injuries when he was knocked down by a bus in Zagreb.His last brush with death came in 1996, when he was driving in the mountains and turned a corner to see a UN truck coming straight for him.His Skoda car crashed through the barrier and over the edge but Selaks jumped out and landed in a tree, only to see his car explode 300 feet below him."I was either the world's unluckiest man or the luckiest. I preferred to believe the latter," said Selaks, from Petrinja in central Croatia.And that proved true last year when he won STG600,000 with the first lottery ticket he bought in his life.He said having a fifth wife 20 years his junior and becoming an actor at 75 are a couple more pieces of good luck.Source: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=5517  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 04 May 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6404/1/E-A-scene-at-City-Hall-in-San-Francisco.html ÂA scene at City Hall in San Francisco"Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." ""Names?" "Tim and Jim Jones." "Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance." "Yes, we're brothers." "Brothers? You can't get married." "Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?" "Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any SIBLINGS.... That's INCEST!!" "Incest? No, we are not gay." "Not gay? Then WHY do you want to get married?" "For the 'financial benefits', of course. And we DO love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects." "But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied 'equal protection' under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman." "Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm 'straight' doesn't mean I want to marry a WOMAN........... I want to marry JIM." "And I want to marry TIM. Are you going to DISCRIMINATE against us just because we are NOT gay?" "All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next." "Hi. We are here to get married." "Names?" "John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson." "Who wants to marry whom?" "We ALL want to marry 'each other'." "But there are FOUR of you!" "That's right. You see, we're all 'bisexual'. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the ONLY way that we can 'express' OUR sexual preferences in a marital relationship." "But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." "SO......... you're discriminating against BISEXUALS!!!!" "No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples." "Since when are you standing on TRADITION?" "Well, I mean, you have to 'draw the line' SOMEWHERE." "WHO SAYS? There's NO logical reason to limit marriage to 'couples'. The MORE the BETTER!!. Besides, we DEMAND our RIGHTS!! The mayor says the contitution GUARANTEES 'equal protection' under the law. GIVE US A MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!!" "All right, ALL RIGHT...... Next." "Hello, I'd like a marriage license." "In what names?" "David Deets." "And the other man?" "That's all. I want to marry MYSELF." "Marry yourself? What do you mean?" "Well, my psychiatrist says I have a 'dual personality', so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a 'joint' income-tax return." "That does it! I quit!! YOU people are making a 'MOCKERY' of marriage!!!!" letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 27 Mar 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6405/1/E-What-do-you-see.html  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 23 Jan 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6406/1/E-It-not-easy-to-be-a-Doctor.html ÂIt' not easy to be a DoctorDuring a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VAI was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MAA man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TXAt the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient. Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WAOne day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 11 Jan 2004 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6407/1/E-10-kilometers-in-10-years-of-a-Christmas-card.html Â10 kilometers...in 10 yearsChristmas card covers 10 kilometers...in 10 years Thu Dec 18, Lesson for today: If you're going to be late, be very late!kathy.beslic@gm.com Kata BeslicZAGREB (AFP) - A Christmas card sent from Zagreb has taken 10 years to reach its destination in Sesvete 10 kilometers (six miles) from the capital, just in time for Christmas 2003, the local press reported. "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a lot of luck and health in 1994. May there be peace in the region!" said the card, sent in December 1993, when wars were still raging in the territory of former Yugoslavia. A picture of the card ,addressed to Zarko and Kata Pervan, appeared in the mnewspaper Vecernji List. The surprise of Pervan family was all the greater as their friend, identified as Amir, had died few years ago. Kata Pervan told the newspaper that after receiving the card she thought at first it was a bad joke. It was only later when she looked more carefully that she noticed the stamp dating from December 21, 1993. The Croatian Post did not explain the late delivery. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1516&ncid=1516&e=1&u=/afp/20031218/od_afp/croatia_christmas_031218184057 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 19 Dec 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6408/1/E-Merry-Christmas.html ÂMerry Christmashttp://web.icq.com/shockwave/0,,4845,00.swf Turn on your speakers and click. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 18 Dec 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6409/1/E-Google-bombing.html ÂFoes of Bush Enlist Google in Group PrankBy SAUL HANSELL, The New York TimesEarlier this year, Google started a widely used news service. Last week, it looked to some users of the Google search that the site had started to editorialize.Anyone searching on Google for the phrase "miserable failure" was sent to the official White House biography of President Bush.Google executives say they have no corporate opinion of the Bush presidency. Instead, the episode is another example of a form of cyber-graffiti known as "Google bombing."It is a group prank. If enough Web pages link a certain Web page to a phrase, the Google search engine will start to associate that page with the phrase - even if, as in the case of Mr. Bush's official biography, the phrase does not occur on the destination Web site.Beginning a few months ago, for example, the No. 1 search result on Google for the term "weapons of mass destruction" has been a satiric Web page made to look like a Microsoft error message.Inspired by this and stirred by his objections to Mr. Bush's policies, a computer programmer, George Johnston, created a Google bomb to tie Mr. Bush's official biography to the phrase "miserable failure," watchwords of the presidential campaign of Richard A. Gephardt. (Mr. Johnston, who lives in Bellevue, Wash., said he had no association with the Gephardt campaign and in fact preferred another Democratic candidate, Dennis J. Kucinich.)In the middle of October, Mr. Johnston created links on his blog (oldfashionedpatriot.blogspot.com) tying the phrase to the Bush biography and began to send messages to the writers of other blogs with an anti-Bush tilt telling them of his project. Many not only added the catch phrase to their own sites but urged readers to do the same.Craig Silverstein, Google's director for technology, says the company sees nothing wrong with the public using its search engine this way. No user is hurt, he said, because there is no clearly legitimate site for "miserable failure" being pushed aside.Moreover, he said, Google's results were taking stock of the range of opinions that are expressed online. "We just reflect the opinion on the Web,'' he said, "for better or worse."Copyright © 2003 The New York Times Company. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 07 Dec 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6410/1/H-Malo-Filozofije-i-sale.html ÂPIVOProfesor filozofije je pred razredom, a ispred sebe ima nekoliko predmeta.Kada je sat poceo, bez rijeci uzima u ruke veliku praznu staklenku od krastavaca i pocinje je puniti kamenjem promjera oko 5cm. Onda je upitao studente da li je staklenka puna. Oni su se slozili da je. Profesor onda uzima kutiju sa sljunkom i nasipa ga u staklenku. Staklenku je malo protresao i naravno, sljunak je, kotrljajuci se, popunio prostor izmedu kamenja. Onda je ponovo upitao studente da li je staklenka puna.Slozili su se da je, uz smijeh.Profesor sada uzima kutiju sa pijeskom i nasipa ga u staklenku. Naravno, pijesak je popunio sve ostale supljine."A sada" - kaze profesor, "hocu da zamislite da je ovo vas zivot!""Kamenje predstavlja vazne stvari - vasu obitelj, vaseg partnera, vase zdravlje, vasu djecu - sve ono sto bi vas zivot cinilo punim i onda kada bi sve druge stvari nestale". "Sljunak su sve druge stvari koje su vazne kao sto je posao, kuca, auto. Pijesak je sve drugo. Sitnice. Ako u staklenku prvo stavite pijesak, za kamenje i sljunak nece ostati mjesta. Isto vazi u zivotu. Ako sve vrijeme trosite na nevazne stvari, necete imati prostora za ono sto vam je vazno. Obratite paznju na one stvarikoje su kljucne za vasu srecu. Igrajte se sa djecom. Nadite vremena da odete kod lijecnika na kontrolne preglede. Izvedite svog partnera na ples... Uvijek ce biti vremena za posao, da se kuca ocisti, pozovu prijatelji na veceru... Pobrinite se prvo za kamenje, za ono sto je zaista vazno. Postavite svojeprioritete. Sve ostalo je samo pijesak!"A onda, jedan student uze staklenku za koju su se i profesor i svi studenti slozili da je puna i natoci konzervu piva u nju.Â---------------------------------------------Pouka ove price je: Koliko god da vam je zivot ispunjen, uvijek ima prostora za pivo!!!! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 30 Nov 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6411/1/E-What-would-you-do.html Distributed by CroatianWorld ÂWhat would you do? ÂSubject : TWO TOUGH QUESTIONSQuestion 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.Question 2:It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.Candidate A. Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.Candidate B. He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.Candidate C. He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.Which of these candidates would be your choice?Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.Candidate A. is Franklin D. Roosevelt.Candidate B. is Winston Churchill.Candidate C. is Adolph Hitler.And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:If you said YES.........................you just killed Beethoven.Makes a person think before judging someone. Wait till you see the end of this note! ÂKeep reading...........................ÂNever be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs...built the Ark. Professionals...........built the TitanicAnd Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:*29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses *3 have done time for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are currently defendants in lawsuits *84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...Can you guess which organization this is?Give up yet?It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 15 Nov 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6412/1/H-Srecica.html ÂSRECICABila jednom jedna Srecica. Ispala je ona iz torbe Velike Srece koja je išla svojim putem prema visokim vrhuncima. Kako Srecica ionako nikad nije htjela odrasti i biti velika, radosno šmugnu u drugom smjeru! Srecica je šumskim puteljkom pocupkivala poput loptice-skocice i srce joj je igralo od radosti! Nakrivila je svoj becarski šeširic, zataknula cvjetic iza uha i poce biglisati poput slavujica.Srecica nije voljela biti sama i odmah si stade tražiti društvo.I stvarno, ubrzo zacuje neciji poziv upomoc. Hitro potrca prema mjestu odakle je dopirao vapaj i ugleda vjevericu koja se s mukom pokušavala izvuci iz velike bacve za vodu u koju je nehotice bila upala. Srecica joj pruži svoju ruku i vjeverica sretno skoci na prvu granu.Vjeverica i Srecica se zagrliše i od srece poceše ludovati po borovim grancicama. Što sve nisu radile! I igrale se lovice, i izvodile cirkuske akrobacije, i u šali se gadale cešerima! No, u jednom trenutku vjeverica se naglo smiri i rece:-Srecice, dosta je bilo igre! Stvarno sam danas imala srece što si mi se ti našla na putu i spasila život. Ali, ja sad moram u potragu za lješnjacima i nemam više vremena za dangubu!To rece i bez pozdrava i rijeci zahvalnosti izgubi se u gustišu bora.Srecica slegne ramenima i kako po prirodi nije bila tugaljiva i uvredljiva- krene veselo dalje tražiti novo društvo.I baš joj ususret dolazio lugar! Ide on svojom šumom i pjevuši. Korak mu lagan, a vedre oci gledaju u razgranate krošnje.-Evo meni pravog društva-pomisli Srecica. -S ovako sretnim covjekom provest cu citav svoj život!I on se obraduje Srecici, uhvate se za ruke i zajedno zazviždaše neku veselu pjesmicu. Obilazili su zeleno carstvo, pozdravljali košute i njihovu lanad, udisali mirise vrganja i lisicarki. Njihovoj radosti nije bilo kraja.Svecanu tišinu šume odjednom prekinu oštri udarci sjekire. Lugar se smrkne i potrci prema mjestu s kojeg je dolazio taj nemili zvuk. Zaboravio on i na Srecicu koja ga je svojim sitnim koracicima slijedila i bezuspješno pokušavala dostici. Kako se Srecici svidio taj krupni brko, ona je ipak hrlila za njim. No kad je i ona došla blizu mjesta gdje je ležalo srušeno stablo, imala je što i vidjeti i cuti. Lugar je vikao na šumokradicu, pa onda ovaj opet na njega, umalo se i rukama ne pograbiše koliko su se ljutili i svadali.Srecicino sitno srce drhturilo je od straha. Pokuša ona svojim tananim glasicem dozvati i smiriti ovu dvojicu, ali oni je ne cuše.Okrene im Srecica svoja leda i vrati se ponovno na puteljak kojim je vec bila išla. Sad je i ona pomalo bila tužna.- Lako je Velikoj Sreci! Za njom se svi otimaju i svi žele njeno društvo. Možda se nisam trebala odmetnuti od nje. Tko zna hocu li ikada naci stvorenje koje ce biti zadovoljno da mu tek jedna mala Srecica bude pratilja?Pebirala je Srecica svoje teške misli i nije ni primijetila kad ju je šumski puteljak doveo u neko nepoznato selo. Mracak se vec polako spuštao, a Srecica nije imala konacišta!Tako je Srecica pokucala i na moja vrata. Ja sam baš bila nekako usamljena i u tugaljivom raspoloženju pa sam se ozarila od srece kad sam upravo Srecicu vidjela na kucnom pragu. I Srecica je bila radosna što sam je tako rado primila pod svoj krov.I tako se Srecica i ja zagrlismo i pocnemo smišljati što cemo sve zajedno raditi. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 11 Nov 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6416/1/E-Amzaing.html AmazingAorccrdnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is tahtthe frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a totalmses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae thehuamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as awlohe.amzanig huh? letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6415/1/E-Love-is-whats-in-the-room-if-you-stop-opening-presents-and-listen.html ÂLove is what's in the room if you stop opening presents and listen ÂWhat does love mean? A group of professional people posed this question toa group of 4 to 8 year-olds, What does love mean? The answers they gotwere broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what youthink: When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint hertoenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, evenwhen his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne andthey go out and smell each other. Karl - age 5Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French frieswithout making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4Love is when my Mommy makes coffee for my Daddy and she takes a sip beforegiving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7 Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy arelike that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop openingpresents and listen. Bobby - age 7If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whoyou hate. Nikka - age 6Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears iteveryday. Noelle - age 7Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friendseven after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all thepeople watching me and saw my Daddy waving and smiling. He was the onlyone doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8 My Mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing meto sleep at night. Clare - Age 6 Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 6 Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he ishandsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7 Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone allday. Mary Ann - age 4I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothesand has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren - age 4 I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on mebecause she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.Bethany - age 4When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starscome out of you. Karen - age 7Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it'sgross. Mark - age 6You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you meanit, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8A four year old child's next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman whohad recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy wentinto the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boysaid, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6414/1/E-We-spend-more-but-have-less.html ÂWe spend more, but have lessMessage by George Carlin: The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6413/1/E-Why-the-chicken-crossed-the-road.html Dear Hilda,The point and the reason I brought up the story about "YU" has been lost. I have no hallucinations, many of us get caught up in our emotions and remain there.The fact is that most of us are not ready to see it. Many of us refuse to see it. Manyof us are attached to the stories about the dramas and to the information with which we have been fed.The truth is always that, the truth, unchangeable. Truth simply is.Our interepretation vary - in these ways:rgds, mirnaWHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with that chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. ***************************************************** The information contained in this email and in any attachments is confidential and is designated solely for the attention and use of the intended recipient(s). This information may be subject to legal professional privilege. If you are not an intended recipient of this email, you must not use, disclose, copy, distribute or retain this message or any part of it. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately and delete all copies of this email from your computer system(s). ***************************************************** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Information in this e-mail (including attachments) is confidential. It is intended for receipt and consideration only by the intended recipient. If you are not an addressee or intended recipient, any use, dissemination, distribution, disclosure, publication or copying of information contained in this e-mail is strictly prohibited. Opinions expressed in this e-mail may be personal to the author and are not necessarily the opinions of the ERHA, ECAHB, SWAHB, NAHB or EHSS. If this e-mail has been received by you in error we would be grateful if you could immediately notify us by telephone at +353 1 6352757 or by e-mail at support@ehss.ie and thereafter delete this e-mail from your system" Dear Mirna, I also left Croatia with my family under the same circumstances as you did, a teenager and refugee, but that does not give me any "Balkan hallucinations" - on the contrary, I think it gives me a good perspective. Hilda letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6417/1/E-The-Awakening.html ÂThe Awakening--Author Unknown A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.This is your awakening.You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK.They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties. and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who youshould marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with ... and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.Then you learn about love.How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes.And you learn that alone does not mean lonely.You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want ... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.And you learn that your body really is your temple.And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest.And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul.So you take more time to laugh and to play.You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance.You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself.You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.On these occasions you learn not to personalize things.You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers.It's just life happening.And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 17 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6418/1/E-Za-razliku-od-danas.html ÂÂZa razliku od danasPrema onome sto kazu danas, svi mi koji smo bilidjeca u 30-ima, 40-ima, 50-ima, 60-ima, 70-ima i cakranim 80-ima, vjerojatno ne bismo trebali biti zivi.Nasi djecji kreveti bili su obojani kricavim bojamana bazi olova.Nismo imali zastitne poklopce ili brave na bocicamalijekova, vratima i ormaricima, a kada smo se vozili na biciklu, nismo imali kacige.Da ne spominjemo rizik dok smo autostopirali...Kao djeca, vozili smo se u automobilima bez pojasevai zracnih jastuka.Voznja u straznjem dijelu kamioneta po toplom danuuvijek je bila nesto posebno.Pili smo vodu iz cijevi u vrtu, a ne iz boce. Uzas!Jeli smo kolace, kruh i margarin i pili gaziranaslatka pica, ali nikada nismo bili debeli, jer smo se stalno igrali vani.Dijelili smo jedno gazirano pice sa cetiriprijatelja, iz jedne boce, initko od toga nije umro.Provodili smo sate gradeci male automobile izraznoraznih otpadaka i onda sespustali niz brdo, da bismo onda otkrili da smozaboravili na kocnice.Nakon sto smo se nekoliko puta zabili u grmlje, naucilismo rijesiti problem.Otisli smo od kuce ujutro i igrali se cijeli dan,vracali smo se kuci kadabi se upalila ulicna svjetla. Nitko nije mogao snama razgovarati cijelidan. Nismo imali mobitel. Nezamislivo!Nismo imali Play Station, Nintendo, X-Box, video igrice, 99 satelitskih programa na televiziji, filmove na videu, surround sustav, mobilne telefone,kompjutere ili Internet chatove.Imali smo prijatelje! Izasli smo van iz kuce i nasli ih.Igrali smo granicara i ponekad bi nas lopta zbiljazaboljela. Padali smo s drveca, znali smo se porezati, slomitikost ili zub, i zbog tih nesretnih slucajeva nije bilo nikakvih sudskihtuzbi. To su bili nesretni slucajevi. Nitko nije bio kriv osim nas. Da li sesjecate nesretnih slucajeva?Tukli smo se i udarali jedni druge, dobivali masnicei naucili kako da ih prebolimo.Izmisljali smo igre sa stapovima i teniskimlopticama, i iako nam je biloreceno da ce se to dogoditi, nikome nismo iskopali oko.Vozili smo se na biciklu ili prosetali doprijateljeve kuce, pokucali ilipozvonili na vrata, ili samo usli i popricali sa njim.Mala liga je imala natjecanja i nisu svi usli uekipu. Oni koji nisu, moralisu nauciti kako da se nose sa razocaranjem.Neki ucenici nisu bili pametni kao ostali i nekadasu pali razred i morali ga ponavljati.Uzas!Testovi se nisu prilagodavali iz bilo kojeg razloga.Nasi postupci su bili samo nasi. Posljedice su bileocekivane.Sama zamisao da nas roditelji vade iz nevolje akosmo imali problema u skoliili sa zakonom bila je nezamisliva.Oni su zapravo podrzavali skolu i zakon. Zamislite to!Ova generacija je proizvela neke od najboljihpreuzimatelja rizika,rjesavatelja problema i izumitelja, ikada.Imali smo slobodu, neuspjeh, uspjeh i odgovornost i naucili smo se sa time nositi.I vi ste takvi! Cestitamo.Kuda ide taj napredak - nekada su konji vukli tramvaje, a danas se voze u njima. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 02 Sep 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6419/1/E-Shingles.html ÂShinglesDoesn't it seem that more and more physicians are running their practiceslike an assembly line. Here's what happened to Buford... Buford walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aid came out and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So she took down his height, weight, a complete medical history and toldBuford to wait in the examining room. A half-hour later a nurse came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." So she gave Buford a blood test, a blood pressure test, anelectrocardiogram, told Buford to take off all his clothes and wait for thedoctor. An hour later the doctor came in and asked Buford what he had. Buford said, "Shingles." The doctor said, Where?" Buford said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want them?"  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 08 Aug 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6420/1/E-Flasher-bitten-by-Medo.html ÂFlasher bitten by MedoA flasher who exposed himself to a woman in Croatia was bitten in the testicles by her dog.The 36-year-old from Zagreb dropped his trousers after spotting a woman in her front garden.But when he put his penis through a hole in the woman's garden fence her dog, named Medo, pounced on him, Croat news agency Hina reports. The man was taken to hospital where doctors said he had sustained injuries to his testicles. He was later arrested after admitting the cause of his injury.http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_805220.html Story filed: 11:22 Friday 1st August 2003 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 01 Aug 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6421/1/E-What-Men-Hears.html ÂWhat Men Hears letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 02 Jul 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6422/1/E-Gods-road-signs.html God's road signsÂNew billboards are getting attention in Arizona. Some reported seeing one or two messages, but the newspaper listed all of them. Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks" billboards. The billboards are a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included. These are awesome ... enjoy.ÂTell the kids I love them.Â-GodÂLet's meet at my house SundayÂbefore the game.Â-GodÂC'mon over and bring the kids.Â-GodÂWhat part of "Thou Shalt Not..."Âdidn't you understand?Â-GodÂWe need to talk.Â-GodÂKeep using my name in vain,ÂI'll make rush hour longer.Â-GodÂLoved the wedding,Âinvite me to the marriage.Â-GodÂThat "Love Thy Neighbor" thing...ÂI meant it.Â-GodÂI love you and youÂand you and you and...Â-GodÂWill the road you're onÂget you to my place?Â-GodÂFollow me.Â-GodÂMy way is the highway.Â-GodÂNeed directions?Â-GodÂYou think it's hot here?Â-GodÂHave you read my #1 best seller?ÂThere will be a test.Â-GodÂDo you have any ideaÂwhere you're going?Â-GodÂDon't make me come down there.Â-God letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 30 Jun 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6423/1/E-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 14 May 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6424/1/E-How-to-protect-my-family-Duck-Tape-.html ÂTo: Dept. of Homeland SecurityDear Sirs:I am writing to you for further instructions on the next step for me totake in protecting my family from possible attacks by terrorists.I have my duck taped.... now what? letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 10 Apr 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6425/1/E-New-YU-car-sticker.html ÂIn 2003 Yugoslavia became officially Serbia and Montenegro. Proposed car plates. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 11 Mar 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6426/1/E-Let-me-explainify.html ÂLet Me Explainify letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 26 Feb 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6427/1/E-I-dont-believe-in-Miracles-I-rely-on-them.html Distributed by CroatianWorldÂI don't believe in Miracles. I rely on them.ÂLife may not be the party we hoped for,Âbut while we are here we might as well dance.ÂDear Bertha, I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiringthe view without fussingabout the weeds in the garden. I'm spending moretime with my family and friends and less time working. Wheneverpossible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not toendure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I'mnot "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for everyspecial event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or thefirst Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. Mytheory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bagof groceries. I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, butwearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.ÂSomeday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary.If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and doit now. I'm not sure what others would've done had they known theywouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I thinkthey would have called family members and a few close friends. TheyÂmight have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences forpast squabbles. I like to think they would have gone out for a Chinesedinner or for whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'llnever know. It's those little things left undone that would make meangry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't writtencertain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry andsorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often enough how much Itruly love them. I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, orsave anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. AndÂevery morning when I open my eyes, tell myself that it is special. Everyday, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God. People say true friends must always hold hands, but true friends don'tneed to hold hands because they know the other hand will always be there.I don't believe in Miracles. I rely on them.ÂLife may not be the party we hoped for,Âbut while we are here we might as well dance. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 22 Jan 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6428/1/H-DUET-na-telefonu-Florida-Zagreb.html Distributed by CroatianWorldÂ"DUET" na telefonu Florida - ZagrebDr. Vlado Cop i Dr. Zarko DolinarDragi moji pajdasi, purgeri, grabancijasi, bumo rekli "svi nasi"!Moram vam povedat kaj mi se pripetilo prvog dana novog nam leta Gospodnjega. Cul sam da je nas slavni pingic mestar, Zarko Dolinar, inace dupli doktor i slavni profesor Anatomije i drugih medicinskih znanosti, malko zbetezal. Mislil sam si, da bi ga moral nazvati, da cujem kaj se tam pri njemu kuha. Kak je praznicka cijena telefona jeftinija, zvrcnul sam iz nase tople i suncane Floride u nas dragi, ali kisoviti i prohladni Zagreb. I nis dugo cekal, javil se nas dragi Zarko. Drago mi je bilo cuti njegov jedar, cvrst glas iz kojeg je zracilo dobro raspolozenje.Tak smo u razgovoru poceli govoriti o muzici, o nasim velikanima kao: Vladimiru Ruzdaku, Jozi Gosticu, Krizaju i drugima, a bio je spomenut i Vice Vukov i Kruno Cigoj. Sasvim spontano, Zarko je zapopeval, sto mi je bilo neobicno drago. Jos mi je bilo draze, kad je taj nas veliki sportas, profesor i doktor zapopeval mi u slusalicu: "Vu plavem trnaci mi hiza stoji". Nisam mogel, a da ne reagiram, te mu pomogel. Tak smo otpopevali divan nezaboravan DUET, sto mi je bilo srcu posebno drago i dirnulo me je duboko. Onda je Zarko zavrsil rijecima: "Dok Zagorec je vojeval i krvcu proleval, on ti je navek popeval!" Nastavili smo spontano "Skolnik ide kak po drotu, stirje punce su na spotu". To mi je bilo tak lepo i slatko pri dusi, a kak Zarko ima lepi glas, zvucalo je kak "dosta dobri duet".Onda je Zarko pocel citirati dijelove pjesme Pavla Stoosa "Kip Domovine", te zavrsil s rijecima "anda vu morje vre vekivecno, jedno nam je leto kapnulo srecno". To me je tak obradovalo, da sam odmah nazval mog prijatela Zeljka Beluhan, da mu velim, kak me je Zarko, nas zajednicki prijatel, prvog dana Novog Leta usrecil.I tu je jedna pouka: ak' imate prijatela, a narocito ak' ga niste vec dugo nazvali, zovite ga! Tak je lepo napraviti prijatelu dobar stimung, a i sebi samom, morti jos i veci uzitak u isti cas!Sretno svima vama i onima koje vi volite Novo 2003ce letoVas Dr. Vlado CopDragi Vlado, jest, lijepo je imati prijatelja, a pogotovo takovog kakav je nas Zarko Dolinar, a i kakav si ti! Cestitam vam na "DUETU". Sto znaci "biti covjek" kako je to lijepo rekao Zarko jednom: "Najteze je biti bespomocan, a najlakse je bespomocnom pomoci". To mi je bio Blagdanski dozivljaj, uzviseno i pravo hrvatsko! Misli su mi ispunjene radoscu, kad se sjetim stihova Domjanica i Gervaisa (dragi nas "kaj" i "ca"), a i fenomenalnih uspjeha nasih Janice (Kostelic) i Gorana (Ivanisevic), koji su pronijeli ime nase Kroacije sirom svijeta. Ovdje moram reci: " O, kako nase razlicitosti pokrajina i narjecja prave divnu cjelinu, a to je nasa draga Hrvatska"!Moras imati veliko srce, da ti ta nasa Domaja stane u njega!Vama i svima koje volite Sretna 2003ca!Sijecanj 7, 2003.Tvoj i vasÂDr. Frank (Zeljko) BeluhanÂ7979 Sailboat Key Blvd. #107South Pasadena, FL.33707U.S.A.e-mail: frank13zb@aol.comÂph# (727) 360-9549 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 12 Jan 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6429/1/H-Ne-mogu-uzivati-u-tudjim-mukama---moja-iskrena-netolerancija.html Distributed by CroatianWorldÂNe mogu uzivati u utudjimmukama!...najvise gledam njemacku/austrijsku tv, a malo sam pogledao i htv,danijelu, uz severinu i josipu lisac hrvatske najbolje. danijela imalijep glas, pjeva prirodno, bez naprezanja vratnih zila i drugih muka, auvijek je prirodno nasmijana, vedra, zraci ljepotom i optimizmom. u autusam slusao i severinu, i ona ima slobodan, lebdeci raspjevan glas, i onapjeva s lakocom bez naprezanja vratnih zila. dajem joj prednost preddanijelom. iza ponoci, severina je valjala neku bezvezariju kao da jebila pijana (radio s trga). josipe lisac sinoc nije bilo (barem dok sampratio). ona je vrhunska umjetnica.ne uzivam gledati "macho" pjevace koji naprezu vratne zile i koji semuce dok "pjevaju". ne mogu uzivati u utudjim mukama! a "padavicare"(kako ih je "daizda" nazivao) ne podnosim (moja iskrena netolerancija!).drogasi, s drogom ili bez droge.ono sto je zazorno za blagdansko vrijeme je repriziranje proslava novegodine iz, recimo, 1972. (karadjordjevo!)... 1985., itd. kad se odlazilou trst po toaletni papir, deterdzent, kavu. (ne cemo sex, hocemo kavu!kaze jedna karikatura berislava fabeka iz toga vremena, a prosvjednicisu bili "penzici".) samo sto nisu pokazali marsala. ti nam zabavljaciizgledaju "socrealisticki", "kineski", cudno, strano, ili kao americki"geeks" (1: a person often of an intellectual bent who is disapproved of2: a carnival performer often billed as a wild man whose act usu.includes biting the head off a live chicken or snake). takva je cak ijosipa lisac iz toga vremena, ni njezin glas je ne moze iskupiti.(ra) letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 01 Jan 2003 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6431/1/E-Sometimes-you-have-to-follow-the-opposite-course.html Â"Sometimes you have to follow the opposite course; distrustagreement and find in dissent the confirmation of your own intuitions" UMBERTO ECOÂFROM THE HEART OF TIMES SQUARE IN A TIME WHEN TIMES ARE TOUGHYour friends at GLOBALVISION greet you from our heads and our heartsWishing you peace at a time once known as a season of PEACEHoping for a permanent Holiday from the madnessAnd a Happier NEWS YEAR than the one we've hadTHANK YOUFor supporting our vision, watching our filmsandClicking onto our websitesDANNY SCHECHTER RORY O' CONNORandAll of our Globalvisioneers worldwideGLOBALVISON AND GLOBALVISION NEW MEDIAGLOBALVISON.ORG MEDIACHANNEL.ORGGLOBALVISION NEWS NETWORK (Gvnews.net)MAKING MEDIA THAT MATTERS SINCE l987PLEASE VISIT THE MEDIA CHANNEL AND SIGN UPFOR OUR FREE WEEKLY E-MAIL UPDATEDanny SchechterExecutive Editor Mediachannel.orghttp://www.mediachannel.orgÂExecutive Producer, Globalvision.Inc1600 Broadway, #700 NY NY 10019 USA212-246-0202 F: 212 246-2677 letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 22 Dec 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6430/1/E-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html ÂBetter Humor Than TumorÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ-Prof Dr. Zarko Dolinar- Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the Seahawksfootball game, threemen decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy said, "I thinkI'm going to move toUtah, there are only 100 Catholics living there..." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go toMontana, there areonly 50 Catholics living there... The third guy spoke up and said, "I want to go toIdaho, there are only25 Catholics living there..." One of the nuns turned around, and looked at the men,and calmly said,"Why don't you go to hell, there aren't any Catholics there." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 22 Dec 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6432/1/E-Headlines-for-2036.html Headlines for 2036Â"Better Humor ThenTumor"Prof. Dr. ZarkoDolinarOzone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, California. White minorities still trying to have English recognized as the California's third language.ÂSpotted Owl plague threatens northwestern United States crops & livestock.ÂBaby conceived naturally.... Scientists stumped.ÂAuthentic year 2000 "Chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.ÂLast remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Afghanistan, Syria, and Lebanon.)ÂIraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.ÂCastro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but Pres Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.ÂGeorge Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.ÂPostal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesday only.Â35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.ÂMassachusetts executes last remaining conservativeÂSupreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.ÂUpcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.ÂAverage height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.ÂMicrosoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.ÂNew federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters, and rolled up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.ÂCongress authorizes direct deposit of illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.ÂCapital Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.ÂIRS sets lowest tax rate at 75%. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 10 Dec 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6434/1/E-Golf-Wars-Episode-2.html letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6433/1/E-Southern-Jokes.html ÂBetter Humor Then TumorÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ- Prof Dr. Zarko Dolinar -Southern JokesAn Arkansas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-40 and says to the driver, "Got any ID?"The driver says, "'Bout what?"Two Mississippians are walking toward each other, and one is carrying asack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in th' bag?""Jes' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they is, kin I have one?" "Shoot, if ya guesses right, I'll give you both of'em!" "OK. Ummmmm...five?"An Alabamian came home and found his house on fire. He rushed next door,telephoned the fire department and shouted, "Hurry over here-muh house is onfahr!" "OK," replied the fireman, "how do we get there?" "Shucks, don't you fellers still have those big red trucks?"Why do folks in Kentucky go to R-rated movies in groups of 18 or more? Because they heard 17 and under aren't admitted. Ida Mae passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911-operator told Bubbathat she would send someone out right away."Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive. "The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to OakStreet and you pick her up there?" Know why they raised the minimum drinking age in Tennessee to 32? They wanted to keep alcohol out of the high schools. What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Mississippi? Documentaries Where was the toothbrush invented? Arkansas. If it were invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush. Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Tennessee State Lottery? The winnergets $3 a year for a million years. A new law was recently passed in North Carolina so that when a couplegets divorced, they're still brother and sister. What do a divorce in Alabama, a tornado in Kansas and a hurricane inFlorida have in common? No matter what, somebody's fixin' to lose a trailer. How do you know when you're staying in a Kentucky hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've got a leak in my sink," andthe person at the front desk says, "Go ahead. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 06 Dec 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6435/1/E-Talking-Dog-Free-to-a-Good-Home.html Â" Talking Dog Free to a Good Home."Guy sees a sign in front of a house," Talking Dog Free to a Good Home."He rings the bell and the owner tells himthe dog is in the back yard. The guy goesinto the back yard and sees a mutt sitting there." You talk?: he asks."Yep" the mutt replies."So what's your story ?"The mutt looks up and says " Well, I discovered this gift pretty youngand I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my giftand in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting inrooms with spies and world leaders, 'cause no one figured a dog wouldbe eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight yearsrunning. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn'tgetting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for ajob at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostlywandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered someincredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals.Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.The guy is floored....and says to the owner, " This dog is amazing...incredible...why on earth are you giving him away ?The owner replies, " He's such a fricking liar." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 15 Nov 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6436/1/E-I-am-either-easy-or-modest.html ÂI am either easy or modest! I am house sitting this week. My folks are in the Dominican Republic for a vacation. My mother heard the name of the country, thought a bunch of priests ran the government. I start a three day vacation tomorrow from the daytime job. That means more time for my, bringing home the nostalgia. I plan to start up memories from 1977 to 2002. This was my time in Croatia, every year and $50,000 later. So, I have lots of human interest there. CroWorld will have the initial first memories. I have 23 photos I have selected for CroWorld. From those I will edit it to ten photos. I'll have words also. I am inspired to text in CroWorld. CroWorld will be the first to read my bringing home the nostalgia. Photos will be included. With the vacation days coming up, my last vacation days for this year from the daytime job, I will start the "homework." I feel I have been on vacation all year. We are on the same page Nenad. I am in a creative cruise control. CroWorld is a home for me of sorts. It will receive my human interests and photos and ramblings on the importance ofbeing a Croatian now and then. I'll keep you posted and included and I'll tag along. I feel very creative and emotionally sound these days. Maybe I was an emotional solar panel and didn't know it. Now I have the need to light up the virtual reality with a bunch of photos and texts from the rear view mirror. Think metaphors. And now screen savers. Volume 1 is being shipped tomorrow from Albuquerque. Volume 2 has been ordered. Who would havethink it that screen savers could make me happy. I am either easy or modest.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ--Steve letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 13 Nov 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6437/1/H-Odanost-je-ljubav.html ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂOdanostje ljubav  Recept za Ljubav  ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂNaa
mozak se osjeća najsretnije kada je voljen. Kada smozaljubljeni, stanje naa
eg mozga je u najboljoj kondiciji, najaktivnije, najljepa
e.Naa
ombrambeni organizam u tijelu je u to vrijeme najjači. Zato,naj-nesretniji čovjek je onaj koji je izgubio nadu I kojemu se je mozak osua
ija.Idealna ljudska osoba je osoba koja je puna ljubavi.Kakav standard trebamo imati da bi bili idealniPostoji recept za ljubav.Najva~
nijisastojak idealnog čovijeka je odanost. Kada se u potpusnosti predate nekome,njegov ili njezin mozak se postepeno otvori kada mu konačno prodrije dosvijesti koliko ljubavi I odanosti mu pru~
ate. Veza se nemo~
e pogora
ati,nasuprot, ako ignorirate nekoga umjesto da mu dajete ljubav, onda nema vezekoliko ste lijepi ili koliko ste inteligentni njihov mozak se neće otvoriti.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂZato odanost dolazi prva. Kada se osjećate nesigurni, nervozni, ilibolesni, mo~
ete sami sebidati nalaze po tome koliko ste ljubavi I odanosti dali sebi I svojim najbl~
ima. Odanost je ljubav. Ako niste sebe voljeli onda je očito da je vaa
etijelo bolesno a vi osjećate prazninu I nedostatak ljubavi. Kad ne volite Ine dobivate ljubav, puno okrivljavanja I gunđanja dolazi iznutra. Ako steodani sebi I drugim ljudima, sve vaa
e veze se prirodno uljepa
avaju, I postajudublje.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂJfrom:ÂMirnawww.healingsociety.commirna@adriaticsunshine.com letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 09 Nov 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6438/1/E-William-Shakespeare---on-music.html ÂThe man that hath no music in himself, nor is not moved with concord of sweet sounds, is fit for treasons, stratagems, and spoils; the motions of his spirit are as dull as night, and affections dark as Erebus: let no such man be trusted.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ--William Shakespeare letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 03 Nov 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6439/1/E-Love-all-trust-a-few.html ÂLove all, trust a few. Do wrong to none.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂ-- William Shakespeare letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 29 Oct 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6440/1/E-The-Paradox-of-Our-Time---George-Carlin.html ÂWe LaughToo Little The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Don't go through life; grow through life. (by G. Carlin) letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 03 Sep 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6441/1/EH-GRATITUDE---ZAHVANOST.html GRATITUDE - ZAHVANOST Gratitude is a burden upon our imperfect nature, Lord Chesterfield (823)Gratitude is a fruit of great cultivation; you do not find it among gross people.S.Johnson Swift gratitude is sweetness; if it delays, all gratitude is empty and unworthy of the name. Unknown Gratitude is one of those things that cannot be bought. It must be born with men, or else all the obligations in the world will not create it. Lord Halifax Zahvalnost je teret nesavrsenoj ljudskoj prirodi. Lord Chesterfield Zahvalnost je plod velike kulture; ne mozete je naci medju neuljudnim svijetom..S.Johnson Brza je zahvalnost pozeljna; ako u tome oklijevamo sama zahvalnost postaje suha i nedostojna svoga imena.Nepoznat Zahvalnost je jedna od rijetkih stvari koje se ne mogu kupiti. Ona se radja s ljudima, ako ne, tesko cemo je u zivotnim okolnostima usvojiti. Lord Halifax Justice is always pale and melancholy; but Gratitude , her daughter, is constantly in the flow of spirits and the bloom of loveliness. W.S.Landor Gratitude is the memory of the heart. J.B.Massieu Pravda je oduvijek i blijeda i otuzna, ali Zahvalnost, njezina kci, neprestano leluja i cvate cvatom ljupkosti.W.S.Landor Zahvalnost je pamcenje srca.J.M.Massieu If you do anything well, gratitude is lighter than a feather; if you give offence in anything, people s wrath is as heavy as lead. Plautus To receive honestly is the best thanks for a good thing. G. Macdonald Beggar that I am, I am even poor in thanks. Shakespeare Praise the bridge that carried you over. G. Colman, the Younger Ccinite li sve sto cinite na najbolji moguci nacin, zahvalnost je laksa negoli pero; ako vam se omakne neka uvreda ili nesmotrenost, proklinjanje ljudi tesko je poput olova. Plautus Prihvacati dobrotu u postenju najljepsa je zahvala. G.Macdonald Prosjak kakav jesam, ccak sam i u zahvaljivanju takav, (prosjacki). Shakespeare Ne stedi pohvalama most preko kojega si presao na drugu obalu. G.Colman, the Youngest Srdacno clanovima Mreze: Njegujmo vrlinu zahvalnosti! Not to be beggars! Mozda cemo slijedeci Dan domovinske zahvalnosti okititi s vise zahvalnosti!!! Nevenka letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 26 Aug 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6442/1/HE-My-biggest-contribution---Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html ÂBetter Humor Then TumorBolje Humor Nego TumorMoj najveci doprinos koji sam dao arhitekturi je da se istom ne bavim.My biggest contribution to the architecture is that I never worked as an architect.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂOto Reisinger letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 05 Aug 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6443/1/H-O-Zarku-Dolinaru-anegdote.html ÂBetter Humor Then TumorBolje Humor Nego TumorPrije niz godina moj profesor, a kasnije prijatelj Dr. Zarko Dolinar posjetio me je u Chicagu, gdje sam u to vrijeme radio na Univ. of Illinois na polozaju klinickog veterinara u Medical Research. Tko pozna Zarka, zna da je on veoma neobican covjek : ucenjak, izvanredan predavac enciklopedijskog kapaciteta, svjetski prvak u stolnom tenisu, jedan od trojice svjetskih prvaka, koji su ujedno osvojili jos jednu titulu - Doctor Nauka. Uza sve to Zarko je obljubljen prijatelj, kolekcionar umjetnosti, autograma, svjetski putnik (nakoliko puta obisao nas Globus). Zna isto toliko sala, koliko i nauku, kojoj je posvetio velik dio svog zivota.Njegova posjeta je bila veoma interesantna, pa cu opisati tri anegdote.Kao i uvijek kad putuje, Zarko zeli vidjeti muzeje, poznate galerije, a i uciniti posjet istaknutim ljudima i institucijama koliko god je to moguce.Tako smo taj puta posjetili "Art Institut of Chicago", gdje smo proveli mnoge sate. Vec pri ulazu u mnoge Galerije znao bi mi pokazati na neku sliku, reci tko je slikar, kad je slikana, tocna godina, gdje, te mnogo o samom slikaru, tehnici i slicno. Upravo nisam mogao vjerovati tolikom znanju, pa sam isao provjeravati tablice ispod slika, ostao sam zapanjen; sve je bilo tocno! Svaka tablica je potvrdila njegovo izlaganje.Setajuci prekrasnom Michigan Avenijom, stali smo u nekoliko ducana. U jednom takovom smo nasli prodavacicu, koja je imala strani akcent. Kad nam je rekla da je iz Poljske i iz kojeg mjesta, Zarko joj je opisao svaki gradic u okolici mjesta njenog rodenja, pa i nekoliko manjih mjesta, a i sve sto je od znacaja tamo. On je znao to podrucje bolje nego ona sama.Posjet smo nastavili na "Anatomy Dpartment University of Illinois", gdje smo razgovarali sa Dekanom, koji je ponudilo Zarku, da odrzi nekoliko predavanja na Katedri za Anatomiju, te da bi to bila pocast za njih. Potom smo otisli u sveucilisnu kafeteriju i, eto novog iznenadenja. U prolazu, gdje smo si sami uzimali hranu, samo sto je Zarko sjeo za stol, rekao je: "Decki, pa to je nevjerojatno, tamo imate 39 vrsta sireva. " Opet sam isao provjeriti, jest, uzelo mi je podosta vremena izbrojiti 39 vrsta sirava. Mislio sam tada, da samo covjek sa takovim neobicnim refleksima svjetskog prvaka, moze u djelicu sekunde izbrojiti toliko vrsta sireva.Ovaj zadnji dogadaj , koji cu opisati volim i danas reci prijateljima, jer mi je ostao u dubokom sjecanju. Zarko me je zamolio da ga slikam ispred "Mestrovicevih Indijanaca" na prekrasnoj Michigan Avenue, ali me je upozorio da polako navijam film, jer je bio pri kraju. Kako sam bio nepazljiv, previo sam film. Trebali smo ga odviti u nekoj mracnoj prostoriji, ali takovu nismo mogli nigdje naci. Zarku je pala "spasonosna ideja", da odemo u javni zahod. Tako smo i uradili. On je imao veliki crni kaput, sjeo na mjesto cistaca, stavio svoj veliki kaput preko koljena, a meni rekao neka kleknem ispred njega i drzim foto aparat izmedu njegovih koljena, dok on previje film. Tako smo i uradli, ali sam brzo spoznao, da nas ljudi sa cudenjem gledaju, te uocio "sto bi oni mogli misliti da mi radimo". Ostatak "previjanja filma" s tom spoznajom me je dobro uznojio, pa kad je bilo sve uspjesno zavrseno pokusao sam sakriti lice i bjez na suncem obasjanu Michigan Avenue.Eto, to vam je nas dragi prof. Dr. Zarko Dolinar, veliki covjek, dobar prijatelj i cijenjen ucenjak. Moram dodati njegovu:Bolje Humor, nego Tumor!ÂBetter Humor, then Tumor!Vas Zeljko (Frank) Beluhan letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 01 Aug 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6444/1/E-The-government-already-has---Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html Better HumorThan TumorIt is the year 2002 and Noah lives in the United States.The Lord speaks to Noah and says: "In one year I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and twoof every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build The Ark."Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping."Noah." He shouted, "Where is the Ark?" "Lord please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did notcomply with the codes I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices.Then my neighbor objected, claiming I wasviolating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had toget a variance from the city planning commission. I had problems getting enough wood for theArk, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Spotted Owl. Ifinally convinced the U.S. Forest Service that I needed the wood tosave the owls. However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let mecatch any owls. So,Âno owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out onstrike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Union. Now I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no owls. When I started rounding up the other animals,I got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me only takingtwo of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPAnotified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing anenvironmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take verykindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of theCreator of the universe. Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded amap of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaintfiled with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicingdiscrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard! The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming that I'm buildingÂthe Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of userÂtax and failed to register the Ark as a recreationalwatercraft." Finally the ACLU got the courts to issue an injunction againstfurther construction of the Ark, saying that since Godis flooding the earth, it is a religious event, thereforeunconstitutional. I really don't think I can finish the Ark foranother 5 or 6 years!" Noah wailed. The sky began to clear, the sun began to shineand the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. You mean you are not going to destroy theearth, Lord?" "No," said the Lord sadly. "The government already has." letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 27 Jul 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6445/1/E-TWO-COWS---Better-Humor-then-tumor.html TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. The public buys your bull. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them. A HINDU CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 17 Jul 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6446/1/HE-Najteze-jeThe-most-difficult-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html ÂNajteže je biti bezpomoćan a najlakše je pomoći bezpomoćnomThe most difficult thing is to be helpless, but the easiest thing is to help one who is.- profdr. ÂŽarko Dolinar letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 14 Jul 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6447/1/E-City-boy-makes-it-big---Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html ÂÂA city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.ÂÂThe next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died."ÂÂKenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."ÂÂThe farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."ÂÂKenny said, "OK then, at least give me the donkey."ÂÂThe farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"ÂÂKenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."ÂÂFarmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"ÂÂKenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."ÂÂA month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"ÂÂKenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998."ÂÂFarmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"ÂÂKenny, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."ÂÂKenny grew up and eventually became the Chief Financial Officer of WorldCom and Sat on the board of Nortel Networks and Lucent Technologies.ÂÂAND NOW YOU KNOW ........THE REST OF THE STORY! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 11 Jul 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6448/1/E-Heaven-and-Hell.html  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 19 Jun 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6450/1/E-WRITTEN-IN-THE-SAND.html  WRITTEN IN THE SAND A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey, they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, he wrote in the sand: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE" They kept on walking, until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but his friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: "TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE" The friend, who had slapped and saved his best friend, asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand, and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied: "When someone hurts us, we should write it down in sand, where the winds of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone, where no wind can ever erase it." LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BLESSINGS IN STONE. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 11 Jun 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6449/1/EH-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor---Bolje-Humor-Nego-Tumor.html Architect: A person who is not macho enough to be an engineer; nor gay enough to be a designer.Banker: A person who lends you an umbrella when its sunny and requests it back when it starts to rain.Consultant: A person who takes your watch from you, tells you the time and charges you for it.Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you can hardly wait to go.Economist: An expert who will know tomorrow why what he foresaw yesterday didn't happen today.Statistics Expert: One that is good with numbers but is responsible enough to not be an engineer.Intellectual: Individual who has the capacity to think longer than two hours on something other than sex.Programmer: One that solves the problem that you didn't know you have, in a way you don't understand.Psychologist: One that looks at everyone else when a beautiful lady enters the room.ARHITEKT: Kaze se za tipa koji nije bio dovoljno musko da bi bio inzinjer; ni dovoljno peder da bi bio dizajner.ÂBANKAR: To je tip koji bi ti posudio svoj kisobran kad je suncan dan i trazio bi ga nazad kad pocne padati kisa.ÂKONZULTANT: To je onaj tko ti skine sat sa ruke, kaze ti koliko je sati i to ti naplati.ÂDIPLOMAT: To je onaj koji ti kaze da ides do vraga na takav nacin da jedva cekas da pocne putovanje.ÂEKONOMIST: To je strucnjak koji ce sutra znati zasto se ono sto je predvidio jucer nije dogodilo danas.ÂSTATISTICAR: To je onaj koji je dobar sa brojevima ali posjeduje dovoljno jaku osobnost da ne bi bio inzinjer.ÂINTELEKTUALAC: Individualac koji posjeduje kapacitet da razmislja duze od dva sata o necemu sto nije seks.ÂPROGRAMER: To je onaj koji ti rijesi problem koji nisi ni znao da imas, i to na nacin koji ne razumijes.ÂPSIHOLOG: To je onaj koji gleda sve ostale kada neka zgodna zena udje u prostoriju. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 11 Jun 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6451/1/E-Cartoon-NANA-by-Ankica-Vodopija---BOO-BOOS.html Nanaby Ankica Vodopija - BOO-BOOS letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 11 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6452/1/H-Uloga-je-ideologije-u-politici-kamuflaza-interesa.html ÂÂPoliticki analiticari kazu da u odnosima izmedju drzava vrijediÂmachiavellisticka deviza koja se cita: ono sto ne zelis da tebi drugi ucini,Âucini ti drugomu. A George Washington je svojim nasljednicima ostavio uÂamanet, da ne traze prijateljstvo medju drzavama, nego interes. I RH bi naÂsvoj nacin trebala biti nazocna svuda u svijetu, u potrazi za svojimÂinteresima. Hocu reci kako je Vas pristup svjetskoj politici ideoloski,Âmoralizatorski. A uloga je ideologije u politici kamuflaza interesa.ÂÂNasi ljudi vole u politiku projicirati moralna i eticka mjerila, kojih se neÂpridrzavaju u privatnim, medjuljudskim odnosima, gdje bi ta nacela ustvariÂtrebala vladati.Â(ra)ÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, please delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 08 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6454/1/E-Some-days-you-are-the-dog-some-days-youre-the-hydrant.html ÂTHE SENILITY PRAYERÂÂGod grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,Âthe good fortune to run into the ones that I do,Âand the eyesight to tell the difference.ÂÂNow that I'm older (but refuse to grow up)Âhere's what I've discovered....ÂÂONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.ÂÂTWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.ÂÂTHREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.ÂÂFOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.ÂÂFIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.ÂÂSIX - If all is not lost, where is it?ÂÂSEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.ÂÂEIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.ÂÂNINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.ÂÂTEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.ÂÂELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.ÂÂTWELVE - It's hard to make a come back whenÂyou haven't been anywhere.ÂÂTHIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your doorÂis when you're in the bathroom.ÂÂFOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes,Âhe would have put them on my knees.ÂÂFIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards,Âwhy does everyone decide to play chess?ÂÂSIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.ÂÂSEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut andÂa grave is the depth.ÂÂEIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...ÂI go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.ÂÂNINETEEN - I AM UNABLE TO REMEMBER IF I HAVE MAILED THIS TO YOU BEFORE OR NOTÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, please delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 05 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6453/1/E-All-great-things-start-from-self-respect.html ÂAll great things start from self-respect. If self-respect is not there,Ânothing can help you. Having self-respect means respecting one's past, forÂthe past / memory is everything people are and have (been).ÂFuture is not, and when it IS, it is the past, like the now which isÂperceptible but as the past.ÂÂ(ra)ÂÂEdited by Nenad Bach for CROWNÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient, please delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 05 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6456/1/E-Cartoon-NANA-by-Ankica-Vodopija---LOVE.html Nanaby Ankica Vodopija - LOVE letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 04 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6455/1/E-Cartoon-OVA-by-Marija-Miletic-Dail---FAT.html OVAby Marija Miletic Dail - FAT letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 04 Apr 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6457/1/E-Cast-Your-Vote-by-Socrates.html ÂÂSocrates. That seems very strange to me, when I consider the principle whichÂyou say governs your politics. But there is another class, so very numerousÂand important, that I am sure your legislators must have found a means ofÂcounting their votes, although there may be some material difficulty inÂdoing so : I mean the dead. For who can have a greater stake in a countryÂthan its founders, whose whole soul and single hope was devoted toÂestablishing it, that it might last and be true to their thought for ever ;Âor than the soldiers who in many wars have successively given their lives toÂpreserve it ? Surely at every meeting of your assembly their votes areÂcounted first, which they once cast so solemnly and sincerely, and at soÂgreat a sacrifice to themselves for your sake ; and their veto is interposedÂbeforehand against any rash measures that might undo their labours, stultifyÂtheir hopes, and banish their spirit from the house which they built andÂloved.ÂÂThe Stranger. No ; the dead have no vote among us. On the contrary, we thinkÂthey have too much influence as it is without voting, because they haveÂbequeathed institutions to us which encumber our playground and are not toÂour liking ; and the inertia which these institutions oppose to our freshÂdesires seems to us a hateful force, which we call the dead hand.ÂÂSocrates. Do you mean that every young rascal, who knows nothing of theÂorigin and laws of his country, and has never done anything in it but beÂborn, may cast a vote, or that foreigners fleeing from famine or seeking byÂtrade to enrich themselves privately, although in their hearts they may beÂsworn enemies to the land that receives them, may cast a vote also, but thatÂthe founders and defenders of it are not suffered to make their voicesÂheard, because they happen to be dead ? I, who am dead myself, see a greatÂinjustice in that...ÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 19 Mar 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6458/1/E-Who-says-that-love-doesnt-move-mountains.html ÂÂÂÂÂHere is a beautiful and inspiring story behind one man'sÂÂÂÂÂrelentless determination...and yes, based on love.ÂÂÂÂÂÂHAPPY VALENTINE's, my friends !ÂÂÂÂAstaÂÂOp-edÂvalentine for 2002 is gone but never too late for a love story.ÂnbÂÂCORAL CASTLEÂÂLocated 2 miles north of Homestead, Florida, on U.S. Highway 1, stands Edward Leedskalnin's, obsession. It is wonderful, and magical, and it took 1100 tons of coral to build.ÂÂEdward Leedskalnin was born in 1887, into a farming family, in a small village near Riga, Latvia. As a young man of 26, he fell in love and became engaged to a lovely 16 year named Agnes Skuvst. However, Agnes decided that Ed was too poor and too old and she soon broke the engagement. Deeply hurt Ed left Latvia.ÂÂFirst he traveled to Western Europe where he wandered for several years. Eventually, he made his way to Canada and in 1920 to Washington State, USA where he worked in lumber camps as a logger.ÂÂSomewhere along the way Ed contracted tuberculosis and his doctor recommended a warmer climate. So Ed headed south - first to California, next to Texas to work on cattle drives, and finally to Florida. Once in the sunshine state, Ed encountered a couple near Florida City who offered him shelter and medical care.ÂÂAfter some time, Ed purchased an acre of land for twelve dollars in Florida City and it was there that he began to build a large, open-air structure to honor his lost love. Perhaps he hoped to win Agnes back, but by all accounts, after leaving Latvia, he never saw nor heard from her again.ÂÂWhen building, Ed's tools were handmade saws, chisels, chains, hoists, and hammers fashioned from wrecking yard junk. His transportation? An old bicycle without tires.ÂÂA slight man weighing only 100 pounds, Ed spent twenty years constructing large works of art, like the world's largest valentine - a heart weighing over 5000 lbs, and a giant rocking chair that rocks at the touch of one finger. He also built a large table made out of solid coral - in the shape of Florida. Driven by some unseen force, Ed made an enormous (working) sundial, which towers twenty-five feet in the air. Aligned to the North Star, the sundial is so accurate, it tells time within two minutes. The massive entrance to Ed's "Coral Castle" is made from a single coral block weighing nine tons! This mammoth slab balances so perfectly on its center of gravity, that a visitor can easily push it open with one finger. In fact, every piece in Ed's castle was made from using coral dug from the earth, all by this one man with a fourth-grade education.ÂÂIn 1923 Edward Leedskalnin opened his home to the public, charging people a dime to take a tour of what was hidden behind an eight-foot wall of coral blocks. The money was used to support his modest lifestyle - he had no electricity and no town water. You can't help but wonder, how could this one slight man move the 25 ton (and heavier) pieces, not only once in Florida City, but twice? For when in 1936 the one acre site Ed owned was threatened to be crowded out by a planned subdivision, he decided to move. He purchased a 10 acre piece of land in Homestead and for the first and only time in his life, he hired some help - a tractor trailer and driver. However, Ed would not allow the driver to be present whenever the blocks were placed on the truck. Instead, single handedly, piece by piece, Ed moved the heavy chunks of coral. How the large monoliths were lifted onto the truck we can only guess, but no crane or other lifting device was used.ÂÂWhen asked how these large pieces were moved Ed is reported to have said, "I have discovered the secrets of the pyramids. I have found out how the Egyptians and the ancient builders in Peru, Yucatan, and Asia, with only primitive tools, raised and set in place blocks of stone weighing many tons." Looking at what this 100 pound, 5' 6" man accomplished, you have to believe him.ÂÂHe never did reveal the secret of how he managed to move, lift and position, the massive coral blocks that make up the compound, although some witnesses say they saw him "...float coral blocks through the air like hydrogen balloons". Whatever the case, in 1951, at the age of 64, Ed took his knowledge with him to the grave. His only living relative, Harry, inherited the castle and later sold to a Chicago family. It has been listed on the National Register of Historic Places since 1984, and today, Coral Castle draws about 65,000 visitors a year...being a true monument of love, and invoking our awe and respect.ÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 17 Mar 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6459/1/E-Life-is-not-a-book-to-read-twice.html ÂFrom the dead to the livingÂÂThe only good thing remaining in your world is the memory of what it was inÂmy day, and before : so that I am far from chiding you for spending yourÂlife, as far as possible, in our society, by rehearsing the memorials whichÂremain of us, and which enable you, even in your day, to employ your timeÂhumanly, in the study of wisdom. I did that, too, with intense zeal ; butÂthe earth was then propitious, and my soul was mighty, and every other artÂand virtue was open to me, as well as the wisdom of the ancients.ÂÂLife is not a book to read twice : and you cannot exchange the volumeÂfortune puts in your hand for another on a nobler theme or by a better poet.ÂIn reading it you should not look ahead, or you will skip too much.ÂÂ(Santayana's Avicenna)ÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 15 Mar 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6460/1/E-Work-vs-Life.html ÂA boat docked in a tiny Mexican village. An American tourist complimented the Mexican fisherman on the quality of his catch and asked him how long it took. "Not very long," anwered the fisherman. "But then why didn't you stay out longer and catch more," asked the American. The Mexican explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet the needs of his family. "Then what do you do with the rest of your time?" asked the American. "i sleep late, fish a little, play with my children and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings I go into the village to see my friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. I have a full life."ÂÂThe American interrupted, "I have a MBA. from Harvard and I can help you. You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Mexico City, Los Angeles, or even New York City! From there you can direct your huge enterprise."ÂÂ"How long would that take?" asked the Mexican. "Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the American. "And after that?" "Afterwards? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the American, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!" "Millions? Really? And after that?"ÂÂ"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife, and spend your evenings drinking and playing the guitar with your friends!"ÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 14 Mar 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6461/1/E-The-Worlds-Funniest-Jokes.html ÂThe World's 'Funniest' JokesÂBy TOM KUNTZÂÂIF you're a careful reader of this newspaper, you'reÂalready aware that British scientists have releasedÂpreliminary results of their search for the world'sÂfunniest joke. Reprinted below is the best-rated joke inÂtheir global online survey, which will be followed up withÂfurther diligent study. (You may be skeptical of onlineÂsurveys like this. If so, you may have a point; just readÂsome of the jokes.)ÂÂNow, for a closer look at the findings of Dr. RichardÂWiseman. He's the psychologist at the University ofÂHertfordshire who devised the experiment with the BritishÂAssociation for the Advancement of Science.ÂÂIt's no surprise that women and men have different ideas ofÂjust what constitutes funny. Or that differentÂnationalities do. But did you know that while computers canÂbeat grandmasters at chess, they still can't bring down aÂroom? And that those cutups the Germans (think lederhosen)Âmay be the most laugh- prone people on earth, followed byÂzee zilly French?ÂÂSamplings from the research follow:ÂÂIn the three-month experiment (www.laughlab.co.uk), someÂ10,000 jokes were submitted from more than 70 countries,Âand an estimated 100,000 Internet users rated them.ÂForty-seven percent gave the following knee-slapper theÂhighest rating:ÂÂSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping. TheyÂpitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. SometimeÂin the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson,Âlook up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."ÂÂWatson says, "I see millions of stars and even if a few ofÂthose have planets, it's quite likely there are someÂplanets like Earth, and if there are a few planets likeÂEarth out there, there might also be life."ÂÂHolmes replies: "Watson, you idiot, somebody stole ourÂtent!"ÂÂBa-dum, bum. Differences emerged between the jokes mostÂfavored by men and women. The top jokes among men involvedÂaggression, putting down women and sexual innuendo. (Women,Âcuriously, did not see what was so funny in these kinds ofÂjokes.) Examples of two of the three types are given hereÂ(no sex, please; we're The New York Times):ÂÂAggression: While robbing a home, a burglar hears someoneÂsay, "Jesus is watching you." To his relief, he realizes itÂis just a parrot mimicking something it had heard.ÂÂThe burglar asks the parrot, "What's your name?" The parrotÂsays, "Moses."ÂÂThe burglar goes on to ask, "What kind of person namesÂtheir parrot Moses?"ÂÂThe parrot replies, "The same kind of person that names hisÂRottweiler Jesus."ÂÂPutting down women: This guy runs home and bursts inÂyelling, "Pack your bags, sweetheart, I've just won theÂlottery, all six numbers!"ÂÂShe says: "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach orÂthe mountains?" He replies, "I don't care - just pack andÂshove off!"ÂÂWomen, by contrast, preferred jokes involving wordplay:ÂÂAÂman walks into a bar with a piece of tarmac under his arm.ÂHe says to the barman, "A pint for me and one for theÂroad."ÂÂBa-dum, bum. The researchers also ranked nationalities byÂhow funny they found the jokes. The Germans were the mostÂeasily amused: They rated 35 percent of the jokes "veryÂfunny." But have Germans ever been to the Borscht Belt? YouÂbe the judge, from their two favorites:ÂÂQ. Why is television called a medium?ÂÂA. It is neitherÂrare nor well-done.ÂÂTo tell the weather: Go to your back door and look for theÂdog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probablyÂraining. But if the dog is standing there really soakingÂwet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's furÂlooks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probablyÂwindy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probablyÂsnowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather likeÂthis, you have to leave the dog outside all the time,Âespecially if you expect bad weather.ÂÂSincerely, the CatÂÂThe French were just behind the Germans on the chortleÂindex (maybe because the Germans are still laughing aboutÂthe Maginot Line). The favorite French joke:ÂÂ"You're a high-priced lawyer. If I give you $500, will youÂanswer two questions for me?"ÂÂ"Absolutely! What's the second question?"ÂÂOther nationalÂfavorites, starting with the joke rated second-funniestÂoverall:ÂÂUnited States:ÂÂA couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods whenÂone of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to beÂbreathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head.ÂÂThe other guy whips out his cellphone and calls 911. HeÂgasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"ÂÂThe operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just takeÂit easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."ÂÂThere is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voiceÂcomes back on the line. He says, "O.K., now what?"ÂÂBelgium:ÂÂÂWell, you see, there are basically three kinds of people inÂthe world. Those who can count and those who can't.ÂÂAustralia:ÂÂA man left for a vacation to Jamaica. His wifeÂwas on a business trip and was planning to meet him thereÂthe next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to sendÂhis wife a quick e-mail message. Unable to find the scrapÂof paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he didÂhis best to type it in from memory.ÂÂUnfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note wasÂdirected instead to an elderly preacher's wife whoseÂhusband had passed away only the day before. When theÂgrieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at theÂmonitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floorÂdead. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and sawÂthis note on the screen: "Dearest Wife, Just got checkedÂin. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. YourÂLoving Husband. P.S. Sure is hot down here."ÂÂÂSweden:ÂÂA guy phones the local hospital and yells: "You've gottaÂsend help! My wife's in labor!"ÂÂThe nurse says: "Calm down. Is this her first child?"ÂÂHeÂreplies: "No! This is her husband!"ÂÂÂÂBritain:ÂÂA man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, there's a pieceÂof lettuce sticking out of my bottom."ÂÂThe doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.ÂThe man asks, "Is it serious, doctor?" and the doctorÂreplies, "I'm sorry to tell you but this is just the tip ofÂthe iceberg."ÂÂPerhaps in despair, the researchers tried generating jokesÂby computer. One did pretty well, beating more than 300Âhuman jokes:ÂÂQ. What kind of murderer has fiber?ÂÂA. A cereal killer.ÂÂBut - go figure - a lot of peopleÂdidn't get this computer-generated joke:ÂÂQ. What kind of line has sixteen balls?ÂÂA. A pool queue.ÂÂÂStill, it takes a human - or a chicken - to really lay anÂegg. The two worst-rated jokes in the survey:ÂÂQ. Why are chickens considered good employees?ÂÂA. BecauseÂthey work around the cluck.ÂÂAnd of course:ÂÂÂQ. Why did the chicken cross the road?ÂÂA. To get to theÂother side.ÂÂBa-dum, bum.ÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 04 Mar 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6462/1/E-Bragging-rights-to-Janica-Kostelics-victory.html ÂAs soon as Janica Kostelic won her first gold medal, I seized my opportunity and took on the bragging rights. In my company in New York City, to bring in champagne is strictly prohibited, while delicious cakes are always welcome. I set up the Croatian camp in my private office by bringing in a large apple strudel for my coworkers. After I heard over the Internet Janica speaking Croatian language with a "kajkavski" dialect, I brought to my office a red tablecloth from Zagorje that was designed with little hearts. For Janica's second medal, I brought in 2 dozen krispy kreme donuts. For Janica's third medal it was a cheesecake and I played upon request a CD from Zagorje. It was requested twice! All along I made myself available to any and all questions pertaining to Janica Kostelic and Croatia. After a coworker asked me if Croatia used to be part of Russia, I brought in a map of Croatia and some books on tourism and photography. For Janica's fourth medal I brought in chocolate mousse.ÂÂThe whole week I worked hard by coming to the office early, leaving late and working through my lunch hour to complete all business projects. Still, by Friday 5 p.m. our top boss called me to her office. "First, congratulations on Janica Kostelic tremendous accomplishments! Second, from now on we will keep you much busier with several upcoming projects just for you."ÂÂThanks, Janica!ÂÂÂDistributed by www.CroatianWorld.net. This message is intended for Croatian Associations/Institutions and their Friends in Croatia and in the World. The opinions/articles expressed on this list do not reflect personal opinions of the moderator. If the reader of this message is not the intended recipient,Âplease delete or destroy all copies of this communication and please, let us know! letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 22 Feb 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6463/1/E-You-are-my-friend-when-.html You are my friend when you can guard my failure, challenge my thought and celebrate my success.distributed by CROWN - www.croatianworld.net - CroWorldNet@aol.comNotice: This e-mail and the attachments are confidential information.If you are not the intended recipient of this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and the attachments is strictly prohibited and violators will be held to the fullest possible extent of any applicable laws governing electronic Privacy. If you have received this e-mail in error please immediately notify the sender by telephone or e-mail, and permanently delete this e-mail and any attachments. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 22 Jan 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6464/1/E-Useless-Facts---Did-YOU.html Did you know:It is impossible to lick your elbow.A crocodile can't stick it's tongue out.A shrimp's heart is in their head.People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a mili-second.In a study of 200,000 ostriches over a period of 80 years, no one reported a single case where an ostrich buried its head in the sand (or attempted to do so - apart from Bones ).It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.Between 1937 and 1945 Heinz produced a version of Alphabetti Spaghettiespecially for the German market that consisted solely of little pastaswastikas.On average, a human being will have sex more than 3,000 times and spendtwo weeks kissing in their lifetime.More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.Rats and horses can't vomit.The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughesttongue twister in the English language.If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress asneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die. Ifyou keep your eyes open by force, they can pop out.Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over amillion descendants.Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in yourear by 700 times.If the government has no knowledge of aliens, then why does Title 14,Section 1211 of the Code of Federal Regulations, implemented on July16,1969, make it illegal for U.S. citizens to have any contact withextraterrestrials or their vehicles?In every episode of Seinfeld there is a Superman somewhere.The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating arealready married.A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting onthem and photocopying their buttocks.In the course of an average lifetime you will, while sleeping, eat 70assorted insects and 10 spiders.Most lipstick contains fish scales.Cat's urine glows under a black-light.Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different.Over 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.did you?distributed by CROWN - www.croatianworld.net - CroWorldNet@aol.comNotice: This e-mail and the attachments are confidential information.If you are not the intended recipient of this e-mail, you are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and the attachments is strictly prohibited and violators will be held to the fullest possible extent of any applicable laws governing electronic Privacy. If you have received this e-mail in error please immediately notify the sender by telephone or e-mail, and permanently delete this e-mail and any attachments. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 20 Jan 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6466/1/E-for-better-humor-then-tumor-section.html Margaret Meade: "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committedÂcitizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has."  ÂBertrand Russell : " Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of theÂmain sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom. "ÂRalph W. Emerson : Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger thanÂany material force, that thoughts rule the world. "ÂJohn Lilly : " In the province of the mind, what one believes to be trueÂeither is true or become true. "ÂÂJose Ortega y Gasset " Life means to have something definite to do - aÂmission to fulfill - and in the measure in which we avoid setting our life toÂsomething, we make it empty. Human life, by its very nature, has to beÂdedicated to something. "ÂRalph W. Emerson : " Each person has his or her own vocation. The talent isÂthe call. There is one direction in which all space is open to you. You haveÂfaculties silently inviting you there to endless exertion. You are like aÂship in a river; you run against obstructions on every side but one; on thatÂside all obstruction is taken away and you sweep serenely over God's depthsÂinto an infinite sea. "ÂHenry D. Thoreau : " I know of no more encouraging fact than theÂunquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavour ...ÂIf one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams and endeavoursÂto live the life one imagines he will meet with a success unexpected inÂcommon hours. "ÂÂdistributed by CROWN - www.croatianworld.net - CroWorldNet@aol.comÂNotice: This e-mail and the attachments are confidential information.If youÂare not the intended recipient of this e-mail, you are hereby notified thatÂany dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and the attachmentsÂis strictly prohibited and violators will be held to the fullest possibleÂextent of any applicable laws governing electronic Privacy. If you haveÂreceived this e-mail in error please immediately notify the sender byÂtelephone or e-mail, and permanently delete this e-mail and any attachments. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 06 Jan 2002 07:00:00 +0000 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6465/1/E-Gratitude-changes-our-lives.html ÂÂÂÂÂPhilosopher Josef Pieper defines the essence of bourgeoisÂÂliving as "taking for granted." It is true that those who live inÂÂhomes where the water always runs through spigots take waterÂÂÂfor granted. And when people always have money they take theirÂÂnext meal for granted. Our lives are filled with assumptionsÂÂabout the universe serving us all the time. This is false thinking.ÂÂWill it take catastrophes to awaken us to the truth that all is gift?ÂÂÂÂÂÂAn earthquake reminds us that not even the stability of theÂÂground underneath our feet should be taken for granted. DeathÂÂreminds us that not even breathing itself can be taken for granted.ÂÂAs the forests disappear and the soil and waters become increasinglyÂÂÂpoisoned, we learn that we cannot take air or water or soil for granted.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂOne way to learn not to take for granted is to voluntarily do without.ÂÂThis is best done in a ritualized context where the community doesÂÂwithout together and supports one another through the difficult processÂÂof letting go.ÂÂÂÂÂÂFor example, go without water for three days. Go without food for fiveÂdays.ÂÂGo without meat for two weeks. These are ways to learn to cease takingÂÂfor granted. Every overdeveloped person and culture should undertake theseÂÂperiods of fasting. In doing so we learn the basics of gratitude, for not oneÂof usÂÂcreated the waters or the air or the soil or the foods that we take forÂgranted.ÂÂFasting also allows us to identify, at least partially, with those millionsÂof theÂÂworld's poor who can never take eating a meal or drinking good water forÂÂgranted.ÂÂÂÂÂÂGratitude changes our lives. It fills us with energy and vitality. WhenÂÂI was twelve years old, I had polio and could not walk for six months. TheÂÂdoctors could not reassure me that I would ever walk again. As it turned out,ÂÂI did get my legs back. But I learned a lesson in the process that I haveÂneverÂÂforgotten: don't take for granted.ÂÂI had taken my legs for granted, legs that work , legs that run and playÂball,ÂÂlegs that take me exactly where I want to go. When my legs returnd to me IÂwasÂÂfilled with gratitude-not gratitude for the "miracle" of my legs beingÂhealed, butÂÂrather gratitude for having legs at all, legs that work. I was filled withÂenergy andÂÂpromised myself that I would not waste my legs for as long as I lived.ÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂÂFROM WASTE TO RECYCLINGÂÂÂOne of the overwhelming sins of the "First World" is that of waste. WE are aÂÂcivilization whose major product is waste, and we appear to be the onlyÂÂspecies that wastes more than it recycles. What we give back to the universeÂÂÂis often not blessing-it is poisonous and nonrecyclable goods. TheÂpetrochemicalÂÂÂindustry-that industry that was the very first to support a young politicianÂnamedÂÂAdolf Hitler in German politics sixty yearg ago-has developed plastics andÂÂStyrofoam that appear simple and cheap but in fact cannot be disposed of evenÂÂin five hundred years.ÂÂÂÂÂÂOur cities are being inundated by our own refuse. We have no way ofÂdealingÂÂÂwith the nuclear waste that has proliferated from military andÂÂcivilian power plants. This lethal plutonium will "live" for at least anotherÂ100,000ÂÂyears: Joanna Macy suggests that instead of burying this radioactive waste inÂÂorder to deny it, thus making life intolerable for generations to come, weÂoughtÂÂto keep it visible above ground, and build monasteries around it to remind usÂallÂÂof its lethalness and our mortality. These "guardian sites' would become holyÂÂplaces of pilgrimage for persons who regard the planet as a sacred trust.ÂÂÂÂÂÂWe also waste our youth and their talents and gifts. When hope dies,ÂwasteÂÂtakes over. Whether that waste is expressedin the form of crime or drugs,ÂalcoholÂÂor prison, despair or sexual addiction, it is living proof of the depth ofÂwaste thatÂÂhaunts our consumer society.ÂÂÂÂÂÂHow does a consumer society stop wasting? By restoring relationship toÂtheÂÂcenter of our lives and life-styles. If we considered our relation to generatÂions toÂÂcome, for example, we would cease giving out plastic bags in grocery stores.ÂÂÂRecently I accompanied a friend (who is an extrovert) to a supermarket lateÂÂat night. "Plastic bag or paper?"ÂÂÂÂÂÂShe replied in full voice, "Plastic? Plastic won't disappear for 500Âyears!"ÂÂÂÂÂÂThe cashier sheepishly responded, "Our manager tells us to push theÂplasticÂÂbecause it is cheaper." ...............ÂÂÂThe greatest waste of all is the waste of our human gifts for ingenuity, goodÂwork, healing and joy. If "joy is the human's noblest act," then to waste ourÂgift for creating joy it is to squander the noblestÂÂpotential of our species.ÂÂÂ(book Creation Spirituality Matthew Fox)ÂÂÂ... All diseases come into our bodies through the foods that we eat the onlyÂway toÂÂget rid of them is through fasting....ÂÂÂSubmitted by MirnaÂÂdistributed by CROWN - www.croatianworld.net - CroWorldNet@aol.comÂNotice: This e-mail and the attachments are confidential information.If youÂare not the intended recipient of this e-mail, you are hereby notified thatÂany dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail and the attachmentsÂis strictly prohibited and violators will be held to the fullest possibleÂextent of any applicable laws governing electronic Privacy. If you haveÂreceived this e-mail in error please immediately notify the sender byÂtelephone or e-mail, and permanently delete this e-mail and any attachments. letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 06 Jan 2002 07:00:00 +0000