http://www.croatia.org/crown en-us http://www.croatia.org/crown N/A nenad@nenadbach.com Fri, 29 Aug 2008 12:47:23 -0700 20 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9492/1/Joe-Magarac-a-legendary-Croatian-steel-worker-in-the-USA.html Joe Magarac is a well known name in the USA. His name, aparently nonamerican, has without any doubt Croatian roots. Its meaninig is simply - donkey. The name of "magarac" is also a synonim of hard work, endurance and obstinacy in Croatian. darko_zubrinic@yahoo.com (Prof.Dr. Darko Zubrinic) Tue, 18 Mar 2008 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9305/1/Croatian-American-Dennis-Kucinich-on-Colbert-Report-TONIGHT-Oct-15-16-2007.html Stephen Colbert talked about Dennis Kucinich on his show - made Dennis sound smart and funny and dedicated, which of course he is. Colbert challenged Dennis to appear on his show. Dennis accepts challenge tonight... I can't wait!  letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 15 Oct 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9236/1/On-Ageing---As-you-get-older-it-is-easier-to-be-positive.html violicalvert@optusnet.com.au (Violi Calvert) Tue, 28 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9198/1/We-learn-from-others---Ueimo-od-drugih-The-most-amazing-Video.html letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 08 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9187/1/A-woman-gets-pulled-over-for-speeding.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 03 Aug 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9160/1/A-Thousand-Leaps-of-Faith-in-Zadar-Croatia---World-Record.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 27 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9141/1/Jednog-je-dana-seljakov-magarac-pao-u-bunar.html smahac@yahoo.com (Sanja Mahaæ) Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9104/1/Thinking-now-for-the-7th-Generation.html    stecak@sbcglobal.net (Marko Puljiæ) Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/9084/1/A-must-have-in-every-womans-collection.html     smahac@yahoo.com (Sanja Mahaæ) Wed, 20 Jun 2007 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8966/1/Other-Friends-Versus-Croatian-Friends.html    MirRasich@aol.com (Mirjana Rasic) Thu, 01 Mar 2007 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8948/1/Croatian-Rubiks-Cube---Almost-There.html     Ivobach2@aol.com (Ivo Bach) Sat, 17 Feb 2007 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8870/1/The-Husband-Store.html     Diamonds2nyc@aol.com (John F. Kennedy) Sat, 16 Dec 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8827/1/Never-doubt-that-a-small-group-of-thoughtful-committed-citizens-can-change-the-world-Indeed-it-is-the-only-thing-that-ever-has.html     letters@croatia.org (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8793/1/Brain-cells-come-and-brain-cells-go-but-fat-cells-live-forever.html     franjo@adnc.com (Franjo Rado¹eviæ) Wed, 08 Nov 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8632/1/What-old-people-do-for-fun.html         Ivobach2@aol.com (Ivo Bach) Tue, 29 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8630/1/TIME-GETS-BETTER-WITH-AGE.html I learned that keeping a vegetable garden is worth a medicine cabinet full of pills. Age 52 I learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you miss them terribly after they die. Age 53 JamminWithGsus@aol.com (Edward Luisi) Sun, 27 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8604/1/Smart-Nuns.html Sitting behind a couple of nuns at the baseball game...  inazec17@aol.com (Ina Zec) Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8598/1/E-I-was-married-by-a-judge-I-should-have-asked-for-a-jury.html  I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."                                                                                                                        -- Eleanor Roosevelt     aquarius5449@yahoo.com (Ana Zappia) Tue, 18 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8543/1/E-Men-Are-Just-Happier-People.html Men Are Just Happier People Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading it. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 10 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8542/1/H-Slovensko-Hrvatski-odnosi-na-moru.html Slovensko Hrvatski odnosi na moru   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 08 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8541/1/E-Two-guys.html Two guys Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide. The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence; I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 07 Jul 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8539/1/E-Two-Pots.html Two Pots An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole, which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water, at the end of the long walk from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After 2 years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house." The old woman smiled, "Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?" "That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them. For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house." Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path! nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 14 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8538/1/E-Have-you-ever-been-guilty-of-looking-at-others-your-own-age.html AGING   Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you are gonna love this one. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?? When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he??? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended MorganParkHigh School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1959. Why do you ask?" He answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. Then that ugly, old wrinkled son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach? nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 14 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/8540/1/EH-Funny-Commercials-for-the-Soccer-World-Cup-2006.html Croatia - Funny Commercials for the World Cup 2006   http://www.croatianworld.net/Letters/nogomet_mihrvati.mpg   http://www.croatianworld.net/Letters/nogomet_pogledajtesemafor.mpg   http://www.croatianworld.net/Letters/nogomet_idemodalje.mpg   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7oESUiEx5Hc Australac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aM2VGZHm0B0 Japanac http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvF_cvF2tE8 Brazilac nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 13 Jun 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6369/1/E-Aging.html AGINGHave you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you are gonna love this one.I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered if he could be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then??When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought.This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he???After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended MorganParkHigh School."Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride."When did you graduate?" I asked."1959. Why do you ask?" He answered."Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.Then that ugly, old wrinkled son of a bitch asked, "What did you teach?" nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 16 May 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6368/1/E-A-little-of-History---Its-raining-cats-and-dogs.html  Life in the 1500's The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500's: These are interesting... Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had theprivilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water." Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs." There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings couldmess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence. The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor" The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold." (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old." Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust." Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. I'mbibers Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake." England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone- house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer." And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring ! ! !   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 16 May 2006 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6371/1/E-Bird-Flu.html  Bird Flu   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6370/1/E-The-Love-you-take-is-equal-to-the-love-you-make.html  The love you take is equal to the love you makehttp://marketplace.espeakers.com/movie.php?sid=5290&aid=10558 http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4776181634656145640 Chris Blisschrisbliss@pobox.com  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 22 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6372/1/E-And-you-thought-you-can-park-the-car-A-Vi-mislili-da-znate-.html  And you thought you can park the carA Vi ste mislili da dobro parkirate Parking 1  Parking 2  Parking 3  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 08 Mar 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6373/1/E-Ever-been-so-tired-.html  Ever been so tired ?       nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 12 Feb 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6374/1/E-Darkness-does-not-exist.html  Did God create everything that exists? Does evil exist? Did God create evil?A University professor at a well known institution of higher learning challenged his students with this question. "Did God create everything that exists?"A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!""God created everything?" The professor asked."Yes sir, he certainly did," the student replied.The professor answered, "If God created everything; then God created evil. And, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then we can assume God is evil."The student became quiet and did not respond to the professor's hypothetical definition.. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.Another student raised his hand and said, "May I ask you a question, professor?""Of course", replied the professor.The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?""What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?"The other students snickered at the young man's question. The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Everybody or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 F) is the total absence of heat; and all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"The professor responded, "Of course it does."The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact, we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily examples of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist, sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat, or the darkness that comes when there is no light."The professor sat down.The young man's name -- Albert Einstein  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 22 Jan 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6375/1/E-The-Cookies.html  The CookiesAt an airport one night With several long hours Before her flight. She hunted for a book In an airport shop, Bought a bag of cookies And found a place to drop. She was engrossed in her book But happened to see, That the man sitting beside her, As bold as could be, Grabbed a cookie or two From the bag in between, Which she tried to ignore To avoid a scene. So she munched the cookies And watched the clock, As the gutsy cookie thief Diminished her stock. She was getting more irritated As the minutes ticked by, Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye." With each cookie she took, He took one too, When only one was left, She wondered what he would do. With a smile on his face, And a nervous laugh, He took the last cookie And broke it in half. He offered her half, As he ate the other, She snatched it from him And thought....ooh, brother! This guy had some nerve And he's also rude, Why he didn't even show Any gratitude! She had never known When she'd been so galled, And sighed with relief When her flight was called. She gathered her belongings And headed to the gate, Refusing to look back At the thieving ingrate. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 03 Jan 2006 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6376/1/E-Happiness-is-something-you-decide-on-ahead-of-time.html  Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed eachmorning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coiffed and shavedperfectly applied, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursinghome today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the movenecessary. After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of thenursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visualdescription of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had beenhung on his window."I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old havingjust been presented with a new puppy."Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.""That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied."Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like myroom or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged ... it's how Iarrange my mind. I already decided to love it "It's a decision I makeevery morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bedrecounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longerwork, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new dayand all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in mylife.Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in.So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bankaccount of memories. Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. Iam still depositing."Remember the five simplerules to be happy:1. Free your heart from hatred.2. Free your mind from worries.3. Live simply.4. Give more.5. Expect less.  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 07 Aug 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6377/1/E-I-WANT-WIN-TO-CRO-ABOUT.html I WANT WIN TO CRO ABOUT By Daily RecordDADO PRSO admits he will be ridiculed by his countrymen if Rangers lose to Dinamo Zagreb in the early hours of tomorrow morning.Alex McLeish's men take on the Croatian side in Toronto's Roger Centre with a 00.30 BST kick-off.Prso started his professional career with Zagreb's rivals Hajduk Split.And although tomorrow's match is a friendly, he admits the people back in his homeland would have a field day if Rangers lost.The striker said: 'Hajduk Split and Dinamo Zagreb are big rivals, although not as big as Rangers and Celtic. I don't want to lose the game because the newspapers in Croatia will have a go at me.'They will say Rangers aren't good enough so I want to show them.'They are going to be more prepared than us. I was on holiday in Croatia and they had already started training 'They are going to be better physically than us. But although I don't want to lose, it's a friendly game and we won't be taking it that seriously.http://icscotland.icnetwork.co.uk/spl/rangers/tm_objectid=15726684&method=full&siteid=50141&headline=i-want-win-to-cro-about--name_page.html   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 18 Jul 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6378/1/E-Move-ya-sexy-ass-donkey.html  Randy donkey was a real pain in the ass... July 02 2005 at 01:18PM Zagreb - A randy donkey has been banished to a deserted island after harassing female donkeys at a Croatian national park. Aga the donkey used to badger his favourite females for sex as much as 16 times a day. Park officials acted after tourists complained that whenever they visited the park all the donkey seemed to be doing was trying to have sex.They also complained that the other donkeys were no longer so friendly and spent all their time hiding from Aga. The herd of wild donkeys had, until recently, been a major attraction for tourists in the popular Telascica National Park in southern Croatia. Park officials say the rest of the herd seems happier and healthier since Aga was caught and shipped off to the deserted island of Dugi Otok.A spokesperson for the national park said Aga had plenty of food and water on the island, and would be kept there until he "calmed down". The spokesperson said: "The other donkeys in the park were hiding to avoid Aga and that meant they were not mixing with the tourists. But now that Aga has gone they have come out of hiding and are happily mixing with the visitors again." - Ananova.com  Op-edNow, if Croatian donkey can do that, you can just imagine what can Croatian man do?.. and if someone calls you donkey ...again, do not get offended. Take it as an compliment or just go to a deserted island, before they ship you there. Dugi is better than Goli.nbhttp://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=29&art_id=iol1120222595615A551Move ya sexy ass, donkey A SEX-mad donkey has been banished to a deserted island after bonking females in a national park SIXTEEN times a day. Wardens said randy Aga’s antics had offended visitors and driven nervous members of his wild herd into hiding.But they claim the donkeys have now recovered. A spokesman at Croatia’s Telascica National Park said: “With Aga gone, they’ve come out of hiding and are mixing with visitors again.”http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005300263,00.html   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 05 Jul 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6380/1/E-Elaborate-funeral.html  Elaborate funeralIt's Monday again, out of numerous email messages since Friday, I thought to share this one. Have a good, safe week and a chuckle or two! MariaA cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever. At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral - - I'm a gynecologist." And That's when the proctologist fainted…..   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6379/1/E-Where-Do-You-Find-a-Dog-With-No-Legs-.html  Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A RedneckMurder 1. All the DNA is the same.2. There are no dental records.How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko.. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag.Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex,marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wifebefore we got married, Did you?" Leroy replied, "I'm notsure, What was her maiden name?"A little boy went up to his father and asked:"Dad, where did I get all of my intelligence?"The father replied. "Well son, you must have gotten it fromyour mother, cause I still have mine""Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case verycarefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decidedto give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, yourhonor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll tryto send her a few bucks myself,"A doctor examined a woman, took the husbandaside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife atall." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a greatcook and really good with the kids."Two Mexican detectives were investigating themurder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked onedetective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied."A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?""I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."This guy has been sitting in a bar all night,staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's everseen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so hewalks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?" Theyoung woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you couldstart by buying me a drink."A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse askshim how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like thefour-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered."What did he say," asked the nurse."OOPS!   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 21 Jun 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6381/1/EHSG-and-to-the-elected-Miss-I-wish-a-lot-success-in-further-beauty.html   ...and to the elected Miss I wish a lot success in further beauty                                 "Ustani bane,-                                 hitno je!"Zvonimir Drvar:Planet Zemlja,-Svemirska Ludnica,najgluplji Planet u najglupljoj Galaksiji?! * Planet Earth,-The Madhouse of the Universe,the dummiest Planet in the dummiest Galaxy?!  * La planeta tierra,el manicónio,hospital mental del universo,el mas stupido de los planetas en la galaxia mas estupida?!  *  Der Planet Erde,-Irrenhaus des Weltalls,am dumesten Planet in am dummesten Galaxie?!Gdje progres i civilizacija prođu,-tu trava ne raste.*  Whereever Progress crosses over the grass won’t crop up anymore.*  Donde el progreso paso,el pasto no crece. *  Wo der Fortschritt hintritt,wächst kein Gras mehr.  *  La dove il progresso e la civiltagrave,sono passati,-non cresce piugrave,l'erba.Bližnjega je zabranjeno jedino jesti...  *  The nearers? It’s banned only to eat them. *  Al projimo es strictamente prohibido solamente comer.  *  Es ist verboten,den Nächsten nur zu essen...Tako su blesavi,da im se s puta sklanjaju i pružna,Å¡inska vozila.  *  He is so stupid,that the vehicles on the rails move away from him.  *  La gente está tan estupida que inclusive los medios de locomocion con las vias los escivan.  (El hombre es tan estúpido que incluso esquiva los trenes de ferrocariles.) *  Er ist so dumm,dass ihm sogar Schienenfahrzeuge aus dem Weg gehen.  *  É cosi grave, sciocco,che quando passa gli fanno posto anche i veicoli sulle rotaie.        Najbolji dokaz da je muÅ¡karac gluplji od žene,jest to Å¡to se ženi.  *  The best proof that a man is duller than a woman is that he gets married.  *  El ejemplo mas claro de que macho es mas estupido que la mujer,es el hecho que se casa.  *  Die beste Bewis dafür,daß der Mann dümmer ist als die Frau ist der,daß er heiratet.  *  La miglior prova che l’uomo sia piú stupido della donna,é che il fatto che si sposa.Nije istina da je čovjek postao od majmuna.Od dva. *  Ofcourse,it’s not true that man became from a monkey.From two.  *  No es cierto que el hombre desciende del mono.De dos.  *  Natürlich, es ist nicht Wahr daß der Mensch vom Affe geworden. Vom zwei. *  Non é vero che l’uomo provenga dalla scimmia.Da due scimmie.        Na prve krÅ¡ćane,-lavove,a na preostale,-inkasatore.  *  Against first christians,-lions,against remaining,-collectors of accounts,bills collectors,tax-collectors,...  *  An die erste Christen,-die Löwen,an überbleibenden,-die Steuerneinziehers.  *  A los primeros cristianos,-los leones,a todos los demas,-los incasadores.*  Contro gli primi cristiani,-gli leoni,contro gli sopravanzi,-esattori,collectori,tassattori,percettori,...Pazite da vam (eventualno) poÅ¡tenje ne prijeđe u naviku! *  Be careful that (eventual) honesty doesn’t grow into your habit!  *  Tengan mucho cuidado que su eventual honestidad nos se le pase en cronico.  *  Achtung! (Eventuell) Ehrlichkeit kann zur Gewohnkeit werden!  *  Far attenzione que (eventuale) onesta` ne ha preso l'abitudine.Normalizacija odnosa:Nakon privremenog zastoja,stanari, susjedi su se opet počeli svadjati,vrijeđati i tući.  *  Normalisation of communication:After a temporary interruption,tenants, neighbours started again to quarrel,insult,beat,strike,trash, batter,belabour,whip,cudgel,kick,pummel,...*  La normalizacion de las relaciones:Des pues de un breve lapso de tranquilidad,los vecino en pezar nuovamente a pelear,ofenderse mutuamente hasta llegaron ala pelea verdadera. *  Normalisierung der Verhältnisse: Nach eine kurzen Unterbrechung begannen die Mieter wieder zu streiten."...a izabranoj Miss,želim puno uspjeha u daljnjoj ljepoti."  *  "...and to the elected Miss I wish a lot success in further beauty." *  "...und zu auswählende Miss' wir wünschen ihr viel Erfolg in weitere Schönheit." *  "...e a la Miss eletta noi desideramo molti successi in bellezza futura."  * "...y a la Miss elegida le deseamos mucha suerte en la belleza futura."  *       Prekinuo je s njome sve odnose,osim seksualnih. *  Hediscontinued every kind of relationship with her,except the sexual. * Rompio todas las relaciones con ella menos los sexuales.  *  Er abbrechte alle Verhandlungen mit ihr außer sexue'll.  *  Lui sospe`ndo,rómpero tutti le relazioni con ella all' infuori di sessuali.Susjedi su u zadnje vrijeme prema meni jako ljubezni. Nekog vraga mi spremaju! *  My neighbour has been very nice to me in last few days.Who knows what the hell he’s preparing to me?! *  Ultimamente mi vecino está muy amable;estará preparándome alguna macana. *  Mein Nachbar ist in letzter Zeit so nett zu mir.Der will etwas!  *  I vicini di casa sono molto cordiali con me nell'ultimo periodo.Mi staranno preparando qualcosa.Dok ostali pisci prate Å¡to se događa,ja pažljivo pratim Å¡to se  NE  događa... *  While the other writers follow what happens,I carefully watch what does not happen...  *  Während die übrigen Schriftstellers folgen was geschehet,ich folge was geht da NICHT vor!  * Mientras los demas escritores observan lo que está succediendo yo observo atentamente lo que NO está succediendo...  * Mentre restante scrittori suguirano que successe,io attentamente considero lo que NO successe.        Ratove ne uzrokuju oni,koji nemaju niti za kruh,nego kreature,koje se tuku za kolače i torte.  *  The wars do not create the people which have not even for a bread,but creatures who beat,strike,thrash,batter,belabour,whip,kick for layer-cakes,pastries,sweet courses,... *  Las guerras no empiecan los que no tienen ni para el pan,si no las creaturas,que se pelean por las tortas y los dulces.  *  Le guerre no cominciano quegli chi sono sprovvisti anzi per un tozzo di pane,ma le creature quale se zuffano per ciambelloni e torte.        Inače bivÅ¡a članica "Hitlerjugenda" Helga,kasnije Lenjinka Staljinović-Marksović,-preÅ¡la u demokratsku stranku i sada se,bez obzira na ogromne stečene imovine,doduÅ¡e za vrhunsku plaću, izvanredne prihode i mirovinu,u Europskoj uniji i Ujedinjenim nacijama zauzima da u neku od svjetskih institucija plasira,"ugura" svoju kćer,pa i za globalizaciju.  *  La ex partidaria de "Juventud Hitleriana" Helga,despues llamada Lenjinca Staljinović-Marksović,apasado al partido democratico y ahora,no importa la cantidad de los bienes adquiridos,por casualidad cobrando el su elao mas alto,en la Union Europea y Naciones Unidas ahora se adeclarado la partidaria de la globalizacion. Ako tako nastavi,-i domaće jabuke će biti prisiljene jesti uvozno voće.  *  If so go on,-even native,home-made apples will be forced to eat imported fruit.  *  Si seguinos asi,asta la mansana nuestras de beran comer importadas.  *  Wenn aber so fortführt,die heimische Apfels will einen Zwang ausüben die Einfuhrobst zu fressen.  *  Si continua cosi,le frutte dome`stice devono forzate mangiare le frutte importate.Kako god ga bacili,on se dočekao na leđa.  *  No matter how they throw him,he would always fall on his back. *  No importa como lo echen;Él caerá siempre sobre la espalda.  *  Wie und wohin man ihn warf,immer fiel er auf die Nase (den Rücken)  *  Inqualsiasi modo lo buttano,cade sempre sulle spalle.BaÅ¡najpliće rupe će se uvijek i svagdje držati najozbiljnije i pretvarati se da su najdublje-zamiÅ¡ljene.  *  Just,precisely the most shallow holes will always,ever behaviour serious,grave,earnest and pretend like they are extremely deep in thoughts. *  Que casualidad,los agujeros a penas visibles se portáran como si fueran creadas para profundidad mas grande. *  Proprio superficialitissime bugiga`ttole spacciarsi per,quasi che sono immersissime nei pensieri.        IZBORI        Uvijek nove bebe ali izgleda da se pelene nikada ne mijenjaju.        RATNE PRIČE        Poslije svih ratova,oni,koji nisu u ratu učestvovali,osnivaju dugoročno najokrutnije,inkasator-bojne,kamatarske pukovnije, ovrhovoditeljske divizije.        Ako je njihovo svekoliko djelovanje 99% loÅ¡e,a 1% dobro,političari kažu:učinak je dijelom loÅ¡,a dijelom dobar.        Ako vas bilo koji činovničić "uhvati na zub" vi si točno možete,sa svim svojim pravima i dokumentima,rit obrisat.        U životu sve se mijenja,osim inkasatora,inkasatori su vječni.        Svakog milenija jedno te isto!       I besmrtnici moraju proći pogrebne formalnosti. *  The immortals have also to go through the funeral formalities.  *  Hasta los immortales tienen que pasar por las formalidades del entierro.  *  Auch die Unsterblichen müssen die Begräbnisformalitäten durclaufen.   *  Pure gli immoriali devono passare per la formalitá funebri.   Omladino,mladeži,tinejdžeri cijeloga Planeta!Jednoga dana će čitav ovaj kretenski svijet biti vaÅ¡!  *  Juventad de todo el globo! Algún día todo este mundo cretino será suyo!  *  Jugend dieses ganzen Planeten!Eines schönen Tages wird diese ganze blödsinnige Welt Dir Gehören!Snovi nam se ispunjavaju.Ružni.  * Our dreames realized.The ugly ones.  * Unsere Traumen sind in Erfüllung gegangen.Abscheu'liche.  *  Nostri sogni sono realizzati.Tutti.Brutti.“Jasam Bog,doÅ¡ao sam ponovo među ljude!â€? “Dobro,dobro, sjedi,tamo,u kut,i nemoj smetati.â€?Prolazimo kroz život kao sapunčići na toboganu.Kad neki političar ili diplomat u tren oka dobije nogom u dupe,to se stilizira ovako:â€?Posjet je bio kratak ali sadržajanâ€?.  *  When some politician or diplomat,visiting some state,in a jiffy "gets a leg in arse",official,diplomatic announcement is:"The visit was short but substantial". * Wann ein Poli'tiker oder Diploma't also im Augenblick der Fuß in Arsch kriegt,offiziell Bericht ist:"Der Besuch war kurz aber inhaltsreich."  *  Cuando un politico o diplomata de golpe recibe una patada en el traste esto,en el diario dice asi:"La entrevista fué breve pero muy efectiva." * Quando un politico o diplomatico in un batter d'occhio riceve la gamba in deretano,vince un calcio in mappamondo,questo si deve stilizzare cosi:"La visita era corta me piena di senso."      Nas muzu,-odozgo!   * They exhaust us from above...  *  Nos ordeñan desde arriba! *  Wir werden gemolken,- von oben! *  Ci muggono,-da sopra! (Noi siamo mungerati,-da sopra!)         Svi mi,izgleda,proizvodimo čekiće,kojima nas zatim odozgo lupaju po glavama.   * It seems,-we all produce hammers and then with them they from above,from the top beat,knock,batter rap,strike,snap,thump,bang us in aour heads.  *  Mir scheint,wir alle produzieren Hämmer,mit denen man uns dann von oben auf den Kopf schlägt.  *  Parece que noi tutti siamo solamente per fabbricare gli martelli,mazzuoli per lei,con quali in seguito lei batterano sulle nostre teste.        Majmuni su manji.  * The monkeys are smaller.  * Los monos son mas pequeños *  Die Affen sind kleiner.  *  Le scimmie sono piú piccole.       Svaki početak je težak,ali ovaj bi mogao biti čak prelagan:kako bi mogao početi Posljednji Sud:na ovom blesavom planetu bi mogao početi jednostavno,čak banalno:vlasnici mačke,na susjede,zbog njihovog psa,bacili atomsku bombu.Europa:Glupača koja je otkrila Ameriku.  *  Europe:A silly goose which discovered America. *  Europa: Der Idiot,der Amerika entdeckt hat. * Europa:La estúpida,la que descubrió América.  *  Europa:Una stupida che ha scoperto l’America.         Stanje na planetu:Već su potpuno razočarani i jednodnevni pilići.OtiÅ¡ao je zalupivÅ¡i prozorom...* He went,and shut window behind him.  *  Aquel se fue estrellando la ventana...  * Er ging und schlug das Fenster hinter sich zu. *  Se n'egrave,andato sbattendo la finestra................................................................................ Gornji tekst je informativni segment iz nove neobjavljene knjige:        PRELUDIJ PO MERIDIJANIMA I PARALELAMA        ( AKUPUNKTURA PLANETA )        ( EKSKLUZIVNO ZA PAMETNE )        Budući da  knjiga ima 170 stranica (A-4) prezentirao sam vam tek mali dio.Knjiga je sinkrono prevedena na engleski,Å¡panjolski,njemački i talijanski.        Hrvatske i "regionalne" teme ravnopravne su općeljudskim. Naslov toga bloka,zajednički nazivnik,može biti,recimo:                                  "Ustani bane,-                                 hitno je!"Objavljene knjige:  ZA GIMNASTIKU GLAVE      EKSKLUZIVNO ZA PAMETNE ATOMSKA BOMBA NA RAŽNJU  ROMAN NAD ROMANIMA  Planet zemlja - Svemirska ludnicaPEPELJUGA nasmijane misli  PLANET ZEMLJA,-NAJGLUPLJI PLANET U NAJGLUPLJOJ GALAKSIJI ?! (ROMAN O SVEMU) ( ! )                                              -o-Zvonimir Drvar*:Najkraći mogući segment Curriculuma vitae:Studiji:Povijest i povijest umjetnosti (Filozofski fakultet) zatim Akademija za kazaliÅ¡te,film i TV (odsjek režija,Gavella). Urednik, dramaturg i redatelj na HRT (Radio).Bezbroj objavljenih radova (u cca 120 redakcija!).Vlastiti,individualni časopis "Humor". Devet objavljenih knjiga,u  nakladama i do 15.000 (čak i u ona vremena kad su najveće naklade bile 5.000 primjeraka) (Hrvatska ima 4,5 miliona stanovnika,Å¡to bi za zemlju,recimo,od 45 miliona bio ekvivalent 150.000 primjeraka).Stotinjak recenzija.Desetak nagrada (recimo,Gustav Krklec, zatim Ranko Marinković (svojevremena preporuka za članstvo u DruÅ¡tvu hrvatskih književnika,jedne od najstarijih takvih asocijacija u Europi) ili Nobelovac Ivo Andrić (svojevremeno predsjednik žirija nagrade "Oslobođenje",Sarajevo) ili,pravome piscu najvrjednije,a pravome uredniku,nakladniku, poslovnome čovjeku,čitatelju dragocjena informacija,-autor je dobio viÅ¡e tisuća (!) pisama čitatelja,...Podaci o autoru:u antologiji humora u hrvatskoj književnosti: "Od doseljenja Hrvata ..."(Zagreb 1975.) u "Hrvatskom biografskom leksikonu" (Leksikografski zavod "Miroslav Krleža",Zagreb 1993.) u "Leksikonu članova DruÅ¡tva hrvatskih književnika" ("Riječ",Vinkovci 1999.) zatim u "Antologiji hrvatskoga humora" (2002.) u "Hrvatskom aforističkom zborniku",kao prilozi uz suradnju "O autoru" u većini od 120 redakcija...                                             -o-        Autor je nedavno dobio poziv od Bertelsmanna (Verlagsgruppe Random House) najvećeg izdavača na planetu.Najveći imaju smisao za humor,satiru.Naravno da bih bio sretan naći hrvatsko uredniÅ¡tvo novina i časopisa,hrvatskoga izdavača.Sehr geehrter Herr Drvar,vielen Dank für Ihre E-Mail und Ihr Interesse am Hause Bertelsmann. Wenn Sie ein Manuskript einreichen möchten,schicken Sie bitte nur ein Exposé,eine Inhaltsangabe oder ein repräsentatives Kapitel Ihrer Arbeit in Papierform (Kopie!) Ich hoffe, Ihnen damit geholfen zu haben und verbleibe mit freundlichen Grüßen Sonja Heine UnternehmenskommunikationBertelsmann AG    Zvonimir DrvarSchrottova 910 000 ZagrebHrvatska  tel.:385-01-46 83 123e-mail: zvonimir.drvar@zg.htnet.hr  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 09 May 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6382/1/EH-Freedom-of-speach-Sloboda-govora-ne-dopusta.html  Freedom of speech doesn't allow anyone to scream "FIRE" in a crowded theatre. Sloboda govora ne dopusta nikome da vice "VATRA" u punom kazalistu.  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 21 Apr 2005 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6384/1/E-MacShane-calls-French-cretins-or-worse-may-be-taken-to-court.html  MacShane calls French "cretins" or worse may be taken to courtDenis MacShane, a man held in low regard everywherebut in Croatia (Croats think he is important - no,really) has just called the French "cretins" or"assholes" depending on translation. Macshane speaksFrench fluently, and called the French euro-sceptics"neo-cons" which in French - apparently - amusinglytranslates int really a very rude insult, and MacShaneknew it.A French MP is - I am not joking - threatening to take him to court.You can amuse yourselves by watching the news story onthe BBC's Newsnight. Link below, it's about 26-7minutes in. http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsa/n5ctrl/tvseq/newsnight/newsnight.ram Perhaps someone should inform the Croatian media?Brian  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 30 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6383/1/E-APRIL-FOOLS-DAY.html  APRIL FOOL’S DAY!By Katarina TepeshAward winning author, Josip Novakovich, recently wrote “APRIL FOOL’S DAYâ€? book, a political satire and a parody of war from the former-Yugoslavia. Unlike most of the other nonfoolish holidays, the history of April Fool's Day, sometimes called All Fool's Day, is not totally clear. There really wasn't a "first April Fool's Day" that can be pinpointed on the calendar. Some believe it sort of evolved simultaneously in several cultures at the same time, from celebrations involving the first day of spring. The closest point in time that can be identified as the beginning of this tradition was in 1582, in France. Prior to that year, the new year was celebrated for eight days, beginning on March 25. The celebration culminated on April 1. With the reform of the calendar under Charles IX, the Gregorian Calendar was introduced, and New Year's Day was moved to January 1. However, communications being what they were in the days when news traveled by foot, many people did not receive the news for several years. Others, the more obstinate crowd and rebels, refused to accept the new calendar and continued to celebrate the New Year on April 1. These backward folk were labeled as "fools" by the general populace. They were subject to some ridicule, and were often sent on "fool’s errands" or were made the butt of other practical jokes. This harassment evolved, over time, into a tradition of prank-playing on the first day of April. The tradition eventually spread to England and Scotland in the eighteenth century. It was later introduced to the American colonies of both the English and French. April Fool's Day thus developed into an international fun fest, so to speak, with different nationalities specializing in their own brand of humor at the expense of their friends and families. Pranks performed on April Fool's Day range from the simple, (such as saying, "Your shoe's untied!), to the elaborate. Whatever the prank, the trickster usually ends it by yelling to his victim, "April Fool!" April Fool's Day is a "for-fun-only" observance. Sometimes, even the government and news media gets involved.For example, a performance artist, Joe Skaggs is responsible for several “newâ€? businesses such as the Bad Guys Talent Management Agency, Brooklyn Bridge Lottery, the Hippie Bus Tour of Queens, etc. Skaggs finally received a subpoena from the Attorney General's office. At this time Skaggs had to reveal that the new business was a hoax. Skaggs also masterminded the famous New York City 16th Annual April Fools' Day Parade along 59th Street and Fifth Avenue. The parade was supposed to be led by the Marching Los Alamos Forest Rangers, who will be back burning trash in an attempt to stave off accidental flash fires. CNN and Fox News showed up to cover the event, but of course, no one was there.You Know What They Say About Fools...Looking foolish does the spirit good. -- John Updike A fool must now and then be right by chance. -- Cowper It is better to be a fool than to be dead. -- Stevenson The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year. -- Mark Twain Helping the Humor-ImpairedWhen we are caught up in the vortex of life's challenges and hardships, it's not always easy to stop and lighten up once in a while. Remind yourself to have fun. When the going gets tough, just repeat to yourself, "It's OK to be foolish on occasion."The Benefits of LaughterEveryone enjoys a good hearty laugh. It makes us feel good, and that good feeling can stay with us even after the laughter subsides. Laughter helps us see that small things are not the earth-shaking events they sometimes seem to be. It enables us to look at a problem from a different point of view, make it seem less serious, and realize opportunities for increased objectivity and insight.Laughter is the shortest distance between two people. It binds us together, lightens our burdens and helps us keep things in perspective. Our work, marriage and family all need humor, celebrations, play and ritual as much as record-keeping and problem-solving. We should ask the questions "Do we laugh together?" as well as "Can we get through this hardship together?" Laughter can help us see the silver lining instead of just storm clouds.Humor unites us, especially when we laugh together. One of the things that divide humans is the energy we put into coping with life's problems or concentrating each other's limitations. Our friends and neighbors are not perfect, and neither is our marriage or family life. When we laugh together, it can bind us closer together instead of putting us in opposite camps.Humor is an effective way to relieve stress. Laughter leads to a cathartic release of emotion, can help to release pent-up feelings of anger and frustration in a socially acceptable way, and is often followed by a state of relaxation and a feeling of reduced tension. Aside from the psychological benefits, laughter affects the body in a number of positive ways as well. Laughter releases natural chemicals in the body that create a feeling of pleasure and have a pain-relieving effect.Laughter heals. Laughter activates the chemistry of the will to live and increases our capacity to fight disease. The chest expands when laughing, respiration increases and forces exhausted air from the lungs. Laughing relaxes the body and problems associated with high blood pressure, strokes, arthritis, ulcers and heart disease are sometimes, reduced.To laugh or not to laugh is your choice.****   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 28 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6385/1/E-HMO-Recommends.html  HMO RecommendsMr. Jones goes to the doctor's office to collect his wife's test results.The insurance clerk says to him, "I'm sorry, sir,but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from another Mrs. Jones were sent at the same time and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly, the situation is either bad or terrible!" "What do you mean?" "Well, one Mrs. Jones tested positive for Alzheimer's and the otherMrs. Jones has tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your wife is." "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?""Normally, yes. But you have an HMO and theywon't pay for these expensive tests more than once in a year, so we can't repeat the test until next year.""Well, what am I supposed to do now?""The HMO recommends that you drop your wife offon the outskirts of town........ If she remembers the way home, don't sleep with her."   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 27 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6386/1/H-Nadjen-Gotovina.html  Nadjen Gotovina   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 21 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6387/1/E-Courage-is-not-the-absence-of-fear.html  Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.Ambrose Redmoon   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 11 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6388/1/E-Croatia-president-gets-stolen-painting-as-gift.html  Croatia president gets stolen painting as giftFri Mar 11, 2005 08:41 AM ET ZAGREB (Reuters) - When Croatian President Stjepan Mesic received a painting from two prominent Roma, he was happy to have his picture taken, but when it appeared in the press, the painter recognized it as one of hers that had been stolen. The shock sent painter Slavica Medjeri to hospital with an acute heart condition, the Vecernji List daily said on Friday, but Mesic's office told her not to worry. "If the painting was stolen, it will be returned to the owner. The president accepts a lot of presents in good faith," it said in a statement to the daily. The painting was one of eight of Medjeri's works stolen from an exhibition last year. Roma representative and poet Kasum Cana, who presented the painting, said he had received it as a gift last year. "I had no reason to think it was stolen," he said. http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?storyID=7878230&type=entertainmentNews  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 10 Mar 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6389/1/E-Love-Senior-Citizens-.html  Love Senior Citizens!A college student at a recent USC football game challenged a senior citizen sitting next to him, saying it was impossible for their generation to understand his. "You grew up in a different world," the student said, loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "Today we have television, jet planes, space travel, man has walked on the Moon, our spaceships have visited Mars, we even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing and uh.."Taking advantage of a pause in the student's litany, the geezer said, "You're right. We didn't have those things when we were young, so we invented them. You little twit! What the hell are you doing for the next generation??"  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 13 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6390/1/E-Compassion-is.html  Compassion is not something one person has foranother, but rather something that arises when onebegins to see all others as ones own self.-Amma  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 02 Jan 2005 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6391/1/E-Installing-Love.html  FEATURE: Installing LoveTech Support: Yes?... How can I help you?Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.Can you guide me through the process?Tech Support: Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What doI do first?Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you locatedyour Heart?Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running. Is it okayto install Love while they are running?Tech Support: What programs are running?Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge andResentment running also.Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually delete Past Hurt fromyour current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory,but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventuallyoverride Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called HighSelf-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge andResentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed.Can you turn those off?Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your Start menu and invokeForgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge andResentment have been completely deleted.Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is thatnormal?Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get theupgrades.Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Code 37943- Program not run on external components". What should I do?Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up torun on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. Innon-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself beforeyou can Love others.Customer: So, what should I do?Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the followingfiles: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge YourLimitations.Customer: Okay, done.Tech Support: OK, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The systemwill overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faultyprogramming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from alldirectories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completelygone and won*t come back.Customer: Got it. Hey! My Heart is filling up with new files Smile isplaying on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselvesall over my Heart. Is this normal?Tech Support: Sometimes. For others, it takes awhile, but eventuallygets it at the proper time. So, Love is installed and running. One morething before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and it'scomponents to everyone you meet. They will in turn, share it withothers and return some cool components back to you.Customer: Thank you. Everything seems to be working much better!(Author Unknown)Millie Hernandez-PulsoneISO DirectorMaryknoll Sisters100 Ryder RoadMaryknoll, NY 10545-0311(914) 941-0783 ext:5625mpulsone@mksisters.org  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 15 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6392/1/E-Home-Computer-prediction-50-years-ago.html   Home Computer prediction 50 years ago   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 07 Dec 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6393/1/E-Deer-wishing.html  Deer wishing  Turn your speakers on. Ukljucite zvucnike.  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 26 Nov 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6394/1/E-Laughter-is-best-defense-against-bungling-robber.html  Laughter is best defense against bungling robber ZAGREB,Croatia (AP) -- A bank clerk didn't need a weapon to ward off a would-be robber. When the masked man pulled out a gun, she just laughed in his face. The suspect was so humiliated he ran away. The bungled holdup occurred Thursday at a small bank on Zagreb's main square, police said. The 31-year-old clerk, identified only as Martina S., "laughed aloud" at the threat from the bandit because she knew she was protected by a bulletproof glass, said Gordana Vulama, a police spokeswoman.http://www.themonroetimes.com/01016rob.htm http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=6521185  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 03 Nov 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6395/1/E-Love-at-first-sight.html  Love at first sight A South African businessman is refusing to leave Croatia until he finds a girl who he spotted across a crowded bar.Keith Van Der Spuy has never even spoken to the girl but says she was the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He has cancelled his flight home and taken out adverts in local newspapers in the port town of Split.Mr Van Der Spuy says he lost sight of the pretty young woman shortly after she smiled at him across the bar.  But he's convinced she was a local because he heard her calling to a female friend shortly before he lost sight of her.Van Der Spuy, who is also the head of the South African water-polo association, said he could not get her out of his mind and when he got to the airport realized he could not board the plane.  He has already extended his holiday for four months, and says he is prepared to stay in Split for as long as it takes.He told Croatian daily Slobodna Dalmacija: "I will not leave this place for years if I have to. When I saw her and she looked at me I knew she was the one. There was pure chemistry between us."I can't get her out of my head. I just want to meet her and see her long dark hair and beautiful smile again. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen."If she is married or is not interested I can accept it - but I have to know - I have to see her one more time, and I have even bought a diamond ring for her."http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1137611.html   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 13 Oct 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6397/1/E-Opportunity-is-missed-by-most-people-because.html  "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work"- Thomas Edison  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 07 Oct 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6396/1/E-Nothing-worse-could-happen-to-one.html  Nothing worse could happen to one than to be completely understood - Psychologist Carl Jung, 1875 - 1961   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 07 Oct 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6398/1/E-All-truth-passes-through-three-stages.html  "All truth passes through three stages,"  said the German philosopher Schopenhauer. "First, it is ridiculed.Second, it is violently opposed.Third, it is accepted as self-evident."  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 12 Aug 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6399/1/E-Klapa-Fivethreenal-is-exquisite.html  The Victor Borge Website InflaterVictor Borge invented the inflationary language - you know, the one where numbers hidden in the language (like wonderful) become inflated (twoderful).You can use this page to "inflate" almost any website or text, just by filling out one of the fields below.URL:  Text:  Position for output watermark: Top   Right   Floating  Klapa Fivethreenal is exquisiteKlapa Fivethreenal: Fire on the Sea In the Dalmatian region, ancestral home of the Croatian peoples, there arose a twoderful singing tradition called Klapa. Originally, the young men of the region would hire all male singing groups to serenade the young women, in a strninegy to win their affections. As time has proceeded through the centhreeries, this purpose has been supplanted by regional competitions of these Klapas and the prestige of each town is enhanced by triumphant, glorious singers. The purpose of the Klapa modified over time, so did the repertoire which now includes historical and regional songs. In spite of the changes there remains a unique sweetness added to the robustness of the overall sound and which two normally associnines with other central European male choral traditions. That elevenor borne sweetness finds it's source in love and the historic antecedents of this singing style. Award winning, Klapa Fivethreenal was established in 1995 in Rijeka, Croatia to keep this tradition alive. A Croation Pop star, Nenad Bach, who lives in New York, rethreerned to his homeland to produce this debut recording. To the vast amazement and delight of this reviewer the second song, "Pismo Cali" was two five which a search of nearly a decade finally found success! This is two of the rare recordings of Klapa music to become widely available outside Croatia and lucky you are five Klapa Fivethreenal is exquisite!http://www.kor.dk/borge/inflate.php?url=http://www.singers.com%2Fworld.html&style=tophttp://kor.dk/borge/inflate.php  Victor Borge was a genius! Getting the inflationary idea was brilliant, and the way he used it in his shows was no less so. Computers, however, are stupid. Nevertheless they are rather good at plagiarizing other's ideas, so please read the output of this program as another tribute to Borge's brilliance.Any link on an inflated page will be edited to also inflate the target page. Most website, including framesets, can be succesfully inflated, except that JavaScripts will be ignored so that pages depending on client scripting usually won't work too well (or at all). You can't expect the submission of forms to work either.The inflated page will be "watermarked" so as not to cause any confusion about the validity of numbers on the page. Choose your preferred marking style - the floating style uses JavaScript and currently does not work in Netscape 6 / Mozilla.   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 09 Aug 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6400/1/E-Promoting-the-dead-horse-to-a-supervisory-position.html  Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position Tribal WisdomThe tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:1. Buying a stronger whip.2. Changing riders.3. Appointing a committee to study the horse.4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride horses.5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included.6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired.7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increasedead horse's performance.10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders wouldimprove the dead horse's performance.11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed,it is less costly, carries lower overhead and thereforecontributes substantially more to the bottom line of theeconomy than do some other horses.12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.And of course my favorite...13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 30 Jul 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6401/1/E-Better-Humor-Than-Tumor.html  Better Humor Than Tumor - Dr. Zarko Dolinar   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Wed, 07 Jul 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6402/1/E-Customer-Service.html CUSTOMER SERVICEThis has got to be one of the funniest I've heard of in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say, the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for Termination without Cause.Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!):"Ridge Hall computer assistance; May I help you?""Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?""They disappeared.""Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?""Nothing.""Nothing?""It's a blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?""How do I tell?""Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?""What's a sea-prompt?""Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?""There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.""Does your monitor have a power indicator?""What's a monitor?""It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.""Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?""I don't know.""Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?""Yes, I think so.""Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall.""Yes, it is.""When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?""No.""Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.""Okay, here it is.""Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.""I can't reach.""Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?""No.""Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?""Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.""Dark?""Yes, the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.""Well, turn on the office light then.""I can't.""No? Why not?""Because there's a power failure.""A power............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now."Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?""Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.""Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.""Really? Is it that bad?""Yes, I'm afraid it is.""Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?""Tell them you're too f...ing stupid to own a computer!" Dragi prijatelji (Dear friends) Ovaj me je zbilja pogodio, to sam ja!This one really hit me, that's me! Zeljko (Frank)  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Mon, 14 Jun 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6403/1/E-Luckiest-man-alive-fears-to-tempt-fate.html  "Luckiest man alive" fears to tempt fate Thu Apr 29 2004A man who cheated death seven times, had four failed marriages and then won STG600,000 ($A1.47 million) with his first lottery ticket refused to tempt fate to begin a new career on Australian TV.Frano Selaks - dubbed the luckiest man in the world - refused to fly from his home in Croatia to Australia to film TV commercials for Doritos corn chips.Instead, an Australian crew flew to Zagreb to film 75-year-old Selaks, known as Lucky to his friends, who has survived seven serious accidents."I never had any accidents while travelling on a boat or a ship so I thought about going there that way but it would have taken a month and my wife would not want me to be away for that long," he said."I didn't want to risk another accident while I was travelling by air."Despite my refusal to travel there they still wanted me as the star."They wanted someone who could prove that being a winner wasn't all about luck."Selaks' first escape came in 1962 when a train travelling from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik jumped the rails and plunged into an icy river.Seventeen people drowned, but Selaks made it to the riverbank suffering hypothermia, shock, bruises and a broken arm.A year later, he was thrown out of a DC-8 plane between Zagreb and Rijeka when a door flew open. This time 19 people died but Selaks landed in a haystack and escaped with cuts, bruises and shock.In 1966, four passengers were killed when a bus in Split lurched into a river. Selaks swam to safety with cuts, bruises and even more shock.In 1970, his car caught fire and he leapt out seconds before the fuel tank exploded.Three years later, he lost most of his hair when a fuel pump spewed petrol over his car's engines and blew flames through the air vents.In 1995, he suffered minor injuries when he was knocked down by a bus in Zagreb.His last brush with death came in 1996, when he was driving in the mountains and turned a corner to see a UN truck coming straight for him.His Skoda car crashed through the barrier and over the edge but Selaks jumped out and landed in a tree, only to see his car explode 300 feet below him."I was either the world's unluckiest man or the luckiest. I preferred to believe the latter," said Selaks, from Petrinja in central Croatia.And that proved true last year when he won STG600,000 with the first lottery ticket he bought in his life.He said having a fifth wife 20 years his junior and becoming an actor at 75 are a couple more pieces of good luck.Source: http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=5517   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 04 May 2004 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6404/1/E-A-scene-at-City-Hall-in-San-Francisco.html  A scene at City Hall in San Francisco"Next." "Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license." ""Names?" "Tim and Jim Jones." "Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance." "Yes, we're brothers." "Brothers? You can't get married." "Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?" "Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any SIBLINGS.... That's INCEST!!" "Incest? No, we are not gay." "Not gay? Then WHY do you want to get married?" "For the 'financial benefits', of course. And we DO love each other. Besides, we don't have any other prospects." "But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied 'equal protection' under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman." "Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm 'straight' doesn't mean I want to marry a WOMAN........... I want to marry JIM." "And I want to marry TIM. Are you going to DISCRIMINATE against us just because we are NOT gay?" "All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next." "Hi. We are here to get married." "Names?" "John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson." "Who wants to marry whom?" "We ALL want to marry 'each other'." "But there are FOUR of you!" "That's right. You see, we're all 'bisexual'. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves me and June, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the ONLY way that we can 'express' OUR sexual preferences in a marital relationship." "But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples." "SO......... you're discriminating against BISEXUALS!!!!" "No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples." "Since when are you standing on TRADITION?" "Well, I mean, you have to 'draw the line' SOMEWHERE." "WHO SAYS? There's NO logical reason to limit marriage to 'couples'. The MORE the BETTER!!. Besides, we DEMAND our RIGHTS!! The mayor says the contitution GUARANTEES 'equal protection' under the law. GIVE US A MARRIAGE LICENSE!!!!" "All right, ALL RIGHT...... Next." "Hello, I'd like a marriage license." "In what names?" "David Deets." "And the other man?" "That's all. I want to marry MYSELF." "Marry yourself? What do you mean?" "Well, my psychiatrist says I have a 'dual personality', so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a 'joint' income-tax return." "That does it! I quit!! YOU people are making a 'MOCKERY' of marriage!!!!" nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 27 Mar 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6405/1/E-What-do-you-see.html   nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 23 Jan 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6406/1/E-It-not-easy-to-be-a-Doctor.html  It' not easy to be a DoctorDuring a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VAI was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MAA man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TXAt the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.     Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WAOne day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 11 Jan 2004 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6407/1/E-10-kilometers-in-10-years-of-a-Christmas-card.html  10 kilometers...in 10 yearsChristmas card covers 10 kilometers...in 10 years Thu Dec 18, Lesson for today: If you're going to be late, be very late!kathy.beslic@gm.com Kata BeslicZAGREB (AFP) - A Christmas card sent from Zagreb has taken 10 years to reach its destination in Sesvete 10 kilometers (six miles) from the capital, just in time for Christmas 2003, the local press reported. "We wish you a Merry Christmas and a lot of luck and health in 1994. May there be peace in the region!" said the card, sent in December 1993, when wars were still raging in the territory of former Yugoslavia. A picture of the card ,addressed to Zarko and Kata Pervan, appeared in the mnewspaper Vecernji List. The surprise of Pervan family was all the greater as their friend, identified as Amir, had died few years ago. Kata Pervan told the newspaper that after receiving the card she thought at first it was a bad joke. It was only later when she looked more carefully that she noticed the stamp dating from December 21, 1993. The Croatian Post did not explain the late delivery. http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&cid=1516&ncid=1516&e=1&u=/afp/20031218/od_afp/croatia_christmas_031218184057 nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Fri, 19 Dec 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6408/1/E-Merry-Christmas.html  Merry Christmashttp://web.icq.com/shockwave/0,,4845,00.swf Turn on your speakers and click. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Thu, 18 Dec 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6409/1/E-Google-bombing.html  Foes of Bush Enlist Google in Group PrankBy SAUL HANSELL, The New York TimesEarlier this year, Google started a widely used news service. Last week, it looked to some users of the Google search that the site had started to editorialize.Anyone searching on Google for the phrase "miserable failure" was sent to the official White House biography of President Bush.Google executives say they have no corporate opinion of the Bush presidency. Instead, the episode is another example of a form of cyber-graffiti known as "Google bombing."It is a group prank. If enough Web pages link a certain Web page to a phrase, the Google search engine will start to associate that page with the phrase - even if, as in the case of Mr. Bush's official biography, the phrase does not occur on the destination Web site.Beginning a few months ago, for example, the No. 1 search result on Google for the term "weapons of mass destruction" has been a satiric Web page made to look like a Microsoft error message.Inspired by this and stirred by his objections to Mr. Bush's policies, a computer programmer, George Johnston, created a Google bomb to tie Mr. Bush's official biography to the phrase "miserable failure," watchwords of the presidential campaign of Richard A. Gephardt. (Mr. Johnston, who lives in Bellevue, Wash., said he had no association with the Gephardt campaign and in fact preferred another Democratic candidate, Dennis J. Kucinich.)In the middle of October, Mr. Johnston created links on his blog (oldfashionedpatriot.blogspot.com) tying the phrase to the Bush biography and began to send messages to the writers of other blogs with an anti-Bush tilt telling them of his project. Many not only added the catch phrase to their own sites but urged readers to do the same.Craig Silverstein, Google's director for technology, says the company sees nothing wrong with the public using its search engine this way. No user is hurt, he said, because there is no clearly legitimate site for "miserable failure" being pushed aside.Moreover, he said, Google's results were taking stock of the range of opinions that are expressed online. "We just reflect the opinion on the Web,'' he said, "for better or worse."Copyright © 2003 The New York Times Company. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 07 Dec 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6410/1/H-Malo-Filozofije-i-sale.html  PIVOProfesor filozofije je pred razredom, a ispred sebe ima nekoliko predmeta.Kada je sat poceo, bez rijeci uzima u ruke veliku praznu staklenku od krastavaca i pocinje je puniti kamenjem promjera oko 5cm. Onda je upitao studente da li je staklenka puna. Oni su se slozili da je. Profesor onda uzima kutiju sa sljunkom i nasipa ga u staklenku. Staklenku je malo protresao i naravno, sljunak je, kotrljajuci se, popunio prostor izmedu kamenja. Onda je ponovo upitao studente da li je staklenka puna.Slozili su se da je, uz smijeh.Profesor sada uzima kutiju sa pijeskom i nasipa ga u staklenku. Naravno, pijesak je popunio sve ostale supljine."A sada" - kaze profesor, "hocu da zamislite da je ovo vas zivot!""Kamenje predstavlja vazne stvari - vasu obitelj, vaseg partnera, vase zdravlje, vasu djecu - sve ono sto bi vas zivot cinilo punim i onda kada bi sve druge stvari nestale". "Sljunak su sve druge stvari koje su vazne kao sto je posao, kuca, auto. Pijesak je sve drugo. Sitnice. Ako u staklenku prvo stavite pijesak, za kamenje i sljunak nece ostati mjesta. Isto vazi u zivotu. Ako sve vrijeme trosite na nevazne stvari, necete imati prostora za ono sto vam je vazno. Obratite paznju na one stvarikoje su kljucne za vasu srecu. Igrajte se sa djecom. Nadite vremena da odete kod lijecnika na kontrolne preglede. Izvedite svog partnera na ples... Uvijek ce biti vremena za posao, da se kuca ocisti, pozovu prijatelji na veceru... Pobrinite se prvo za kamenje, za ono sto je zaista vazno. Postavite svojeprioritete. Sve ostalo je samo pijesak!"A onda, jedan student uze staklenku za koju su se i profesor i svi studenti slozili da je puna i natoci konzervu piva u nju. ---------------------------------------------Pouka ove price je: Koliko god da vam je zivot ispunjen, uvijek ima prostora za pivo!!!! nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 30 Nov 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6411/1/E-What-would-you-do.html Distributed by CroatianWorld  What would you do?  Subject : TWO TOUGH QUESTIONSQuestion 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.Question 2:It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three candidates.Candidate A. Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.Candidate B. He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.Candidate C. He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.Which of these candidates would be your choice?Decide first... no peeking, then scroll down for the response.Candidate A. is Franklin D. Roosevelt.Candidate B. is Winston Churchill.Candidate C. is Adolph Hitler.And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:If you said YES.........................you just killed Beethoven.Makes a person think before judging someone. Wait till you see the end of this note!  Keep reading........................... Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs...built the Ark. Professionals...........built the TitanicAnd Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:*29 have been accused of spousal abuse *7 have been arrested for fraud *19 have been accused of writing bad checks *117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses *3 have done time for assault *71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit *14 have been arrested on drug-related charges *8 have been arrested for shoplifting *21 are currently defendants in lawsuits *84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...Can you guess which organization this is?Give up yet?It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.The same group that cranks out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.  nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sat, 15 Nov 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6412/1/H-Srecica.html  SRECICABila jednom jedna Srecica. Ispala je ona iz torbe Velike Srece koja je išla svojim putem prema visokim vrhuncima. Kako Srecica ionako nikad nije htjela odrasti i biti velika, radosno šmugnu u drugom smjeru! Srecica je šumskim puteljkom pocupkivala poput loptice-skocice i srce joj je igralo od radosti! Nakrivila je svoj becarski šeširic, zataknula cvjetic iza uha i poce biglisati poput slavujica.Srecica nije voljela biti sama i odmah si stade tražiti društvo.I stvarno, ubrzo zacuje neciji poziv upomoc. Hitro potrca prema mjestu odakle je dopirao vapaj i ugleda vjevericu koja se s mukom pokušavala izvuci iz velike bacve za vodu u koju je nehotice bila upala. Srecica joj pruži svoju ruku i vjeverica sretno skoci na prvu granu.Vjeverica i Srecica se zagrliše i od srece poceše ludovati po borovim grancicama. Što sve nisu radile! I igrale se lovice, i izvodile cirkuske akrobacije, i u šali se gadale cešerima! No, u jednom trenutku vjeverica se naglo smiri i rece:-Srecice, dosta je bilo igre! Stvarno sam danas imala srece što si mi se ti našla na putu i spasila život. Ali, ja sad moram u potragu za lješnjacima i nemam više vremena za dangubu!To rece i bez pozdrava i rijeci zahvalnosti izgubi se u gustišu bora.Srecica slegne ramenima i kako po prirodi nije bila tugaljiva i uvredljiva- krene veselo dalje tražiti novo društvo.I baš joj ususret dolazio lugar! Ide on svojom šumom i pjevuši. Korak mu lagan, a vedre oci gledaju u razgranate krošnje.-Evo meni pravog društva-pomisli Srecica. -S ovako sretnim covjekom provest cu citav svoj život!I on se obraduje Srecici, uhvate se za ruke i zajedno zazviždaše neku veselu pjesmicu. Obilazili su zeleno carstvo, pozdravljali košute i njihovu lanad, udisali mirise vrganja i lisicarki. Njihovoj radosti nije bilo kraja.Svecanu tišinu šume odjednom prekinu oštri udarci sjekire. Lugar se smrkne i potrci prema mjestu s kojeg je dolazio taj nemili zvuk. Zaboravio on i na Srecicu koja ga je svojim sitnim koracicima slijedila i bezuspješno pokušavala dostici. Kako se Srecici svidio taj krupni brko, ona je ipak hrlila za njim. No kad je i ona došla blizu mjesta gdje je ležalo srušeno stablo, imala je što i vidjeti i cuti. Lugar je vikao na šumokradicu, pa onda ovaj opet na njega, umalo se i rukama ne pograbiše koliko su se ljutili i svadali.Srecicino sitno srce drhturilo je od straha. Pokuša ona svojim tananim glasicem dozvati i smiriti ovu dvojicu, ali oni je ne cuše.Okrene im Srecica svoja leda i vrati se ponovno na puteljak kojim je vec bila išla. Sad je i ona pomalo bila tužna.- Lako je Velikoj Sreci! Za njom se svi otimaju i svi žele njeno društvo. Možda se nisam trebala odmetnuti od nje. Tko zna hocu li ikada naci stvorenje koje ce biti zadovoljno da mu tek jedna mala Srecica bude pratilja?Pebirala je Srecica svoje teške misli i nije ni primijetila kad ju je šumski puteljak doveo u neko nepoznato selo. Mracak se vec polako spuštao, a Srecica nije imala konacišta!Tako je Srecica pokucala i na moja vrata. Ja sam baš bila nekako usamljena i u tugaljivom raspoloženju pa sam se ozarila od srece kad sam upravo Srecicu vidjela na kucnom pragu. I Srecica je bila radosna što sam je tako rado primila pod svoj krov.I tako se Srecica i ja zagrlismo i pocnemo smišljati što cemo sve zajedno raditi. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Tue, 11 Nov 2003 00:00:00 -0800 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6416/1/E-Amzaing.html AmazingAorccrdnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is tahtthe frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a totalmses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae thehuamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as awlohe.amzanig huh? nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6415/1/E-Love-is-whats-in-the-room-if-you-stop-opening-presents-and-listen.html  Love is what's in the room if you stop opening presents and listen  What does love mean? A group of professional people posed this question toa group of 4 to 8 year-olds, What does love mean? The answers they gotwere broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what youthink: When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint hertoenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, evenwhen his hands got arthritis too. That's love. Rebecca - age 8Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne andthey go out and smell each other. Karl - age 5Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French frieswithout making them give you any of theirs. Chrissy - age 6Love is what makes you smile when you're tired. Terri - age 4Love is when my Mommy makes coffee for my Daddy and she takes a sip beforegiving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK. Danny - age 7 Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing,you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy arelike that. They look gross when they kiss. Emily - age 8Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop openingpresents and listen. Bobby - age 7If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend whoyou hate. Nikka - age 6Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears iteveryday. Noelle - age 7Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friendseven after they know each other so well. Tommy - age 6During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I looked at all thepeople watching me and saw my Daddy waving and smiling. He was the onlyone doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. Cindy - age 8 My Mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone else kissing meto sleep at night. Clare - Age 6 Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken. Elaine - age 6 Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he ishandsomer than Robert Redford. Chris - age 7 Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone allday. Mary Ann - age 4I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothesand has to go out and buy new ones. Lauren - age 4 I let my big sister pick on me because my Mom says she only picks on mebecause she loves me. So I pick on my baby sister because I love her.Bethany - age 4When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little starscome out of you. Karen - age 7Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it'sgross. Mark - age 6You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you meanit, you should say it a lot. People forget. Jessica - age 8A four year old child's next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman whohad recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy wentinto the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boysaid, "Nothing, I just helped him cry." nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6414/1/E-We-spend-more-but-have-less.html  We spend more, but have lessMessage by George Carlin: The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete. Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent. Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away. nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6413/1/E-Why-the-chicken-crossed-the-road.html Dear Hilda,The point and the reason I brought up the story about "YU" has been lost. I have no hallucinations, many of us get caught up in our emotions and remain there.The fact is that most of us are not ready to see it. Many of us refuse to see it. Manyof us are attached to the stories about the dramas and to the information with which we have been fed.The truth is always that, the truth, unchangeable. Truth simply is.Our interepretation vary - in these ways:rgds, mirnaWHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD? GEORGE W. BUSH We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here. AL GORE I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people. RALPH NADER The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV. PAT BUCHANAN To steal a job from a decent, hard-working American. RUSH LIMBAUGH I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross. DR. SEUSS Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, But why it crossed, I've not been told! ERNEST HEMINGWAY To die. In the rain. Alone. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. GRANDPA In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. BARBARA WALTERS Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road. JOHN LENNON Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace. ARISTOTLE It is the nature of chickens to cross the road. KARL MARX It was a historical inevitability. SADDAM HUSSEIN This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it. VOLTAIRE I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it. RONALD REAGAN What chicken? SIGMUND FREUD The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken. ALBERT EINSTEIN Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken? BILL CLINTON I did not cross the road with that chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please? THE BIBLE And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. ***************************************************** The information contained in this email and in any attachments is confidential and is designated solely for the attention and use of the intended recipient(s). This information may be subject to legal professional privilege. If you are not an intended recipient of this email, you must not use, disclose, copy, distribute or retain this message or any part of it. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately and delete all copies of this email from your computer system(s). ***************************************************** ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Information in this e-mail (including attachments) is confidential. It is intended for receipt and consideration only by the intended recipient. If you are not an addressee or intended recipient, any use, dissemination, distribution, disclosure, publication or copying of information contained in this e-mail is strictly prohibited. Opinions expressed in this e-mail may be personal to the author and are not necessarily the opinions of the ERHA, ECAHB, SWAHB, NAHB or EHSS. If this e-mail has been received by you in error we would be grateful if you could immediately notify us by telephone at +353 1 6352757 or by e-mail at support@ehss.ie and thereafter delete this e-mail from your system" Dear Mirna, I also left Croatia with my family under the same circumstances as you did, a teenager and refugee, but that does not give me any "Balkan hallucinations" - on the contrary, I think it gives me a good perspective. Hilda nenad@nenadbach.com (Nenad N. Bach) Sun, 21 Sep 2003 00:00:00 -0700 http://www.croatia.org/crown/articles/6417/1/E-The-Awakening.html  The Awakening--Author Unknown A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on.And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.This is your awakening.You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK.They are entitled to their own views and opinions. And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties. and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who youshould marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view.And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with ... and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive.And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.You learn that princi